For years now I have tried to get to the bottom of a few minor issues by tightly and ruthlessly controlling my diet. To the point of not eating any meals gifted to me postpartum, bring my own meals to family events, etc. spent thousands of dollars on supplements, drained myself and those around me. Learning more this past couple of years about quantum/circadian biology and my growing devotion Christ has freed me. I say a prayer over a healthy, though not perfect, meal gifted to me and take in its beautiful energetic qualities. I eat a piece of pumpkin pie made with granny’s beautiful hands and regular-ass flour once a year.
I drink in the sun, my families love, nourish myself the best I can, and thank God with every atom of my being. Loosening my grip has been profoundly healing.
So beautiful, Acacia. I am so genuinely happy for you. I think we keep waiting for external things to fix us when the thing we've been waiting for is inside of us all. Quantum biology is such a wonderful way to connect us all to the natural rhythms of this world and ourselves.
Acacia I so relate to this! This false sense of “control” that I used to grip on to was just a slow poison draining myself and god & love help me surrender. Still very much working on the surrender piece daily. Baking a key lime pie to bring to a family dinner tonight as I write this :)
"Over the last few years of living my days with the grief of our daughter’s death, I made the decision that this life of mine would be a saturated one."
Mila, a doorway. Mila, a vision-bearer. I have been thinking of her so often in recent months, your beautiful girl, as I turn over memories from the pregnancy three and a half years ago during which I read and re-read and re-read your telling of her. Reading this piece from you felt like a full breath, an inhale without a catch in the lungs. It also feels—to this heart who knows you and yours only through the words you share—as if the essence of her is woven all throughout. All in, overflowing. Vividly alive.
I am grateful past the bounds of language for you, and for your shifting perceptions as you sound the depths of living wisdom. Sending love from Pennsylvania.
Oh, Jan. I hardly know how to thank you for this. Thank you for your beautiful words and for thinking and holding Mila inside of you. That seems a gift too extravagant to properly express my appreciation. That is so meaningful to me.
She is woven all throughout and within. Today I walked out to the rock altar I built in the woods a few years ago. I hadn't been there for months. The second I stepped on the limestone floor, a raven flew overhead, just feet from me and I could hear the wind cutting through every feather of its wings. I just laugh at such things. This happens often. I hold my head up and try to catch the forest dustings that fall from their wings, hoping parts of them will fall into my eyes, be breathed into my lungs. Maybe one day I will become more raven and mushroom and wild winds than I am the Tara I know today. I'd like that. I'm going to keep a look out for her. Mila illuminates my path.
“I want my unique story. I hope you want yours. Shouldn’t someone tell us that at some early point in our lives?” Oh how I wish they had! But since we were instead told that we needed to fit inside the same shitty little box everyone else was trying to fit into then I guess us getting there on our own is part of our ecstatic journey in this lifetime. I’m so grateful for others like you who are willing to challenge every single thing and create your own unique version of heaven on earth. Thank you for sharing with us!!
Thank you so much. And I, in return, feel so encouraged when I get to connect with people on this same path - like you. It feels so genuine and honest to learn of how many of us are connected by these observations and desires. Feels good :)
Oh my. What a lovely post this morning. You have been and are making huge breakthroughs in how you choose to live your own life. I'm a bit ahead of you in age, and I can say that for those who are looking, this kind of life inspection does come along about where you are in life. The difference between us is that some don't slow down to figure out what truly makes us fit in our own skins happily. Most just make...changes. I love this post, Tara. Thanks so much for sharing.
"...some don't slow down to figure out what truly makes us fit in our own skins happily. Most just make...changes." Wow, that's a great beginning for a book Madame Enright! So wise, so true. All these superficial and logistical changes, trying to outrun ourselves. I want none of it :)
This essay really resonated with me. With age comes wisdom.. I have been making similar changes in regards to food over the last year and so far have seen only positive effects. A big motivator for me was my kids. They are teens now and interested in cooking and baking, and their dissapointment when I wouldn't eat their creations really opened my eyes to what I was doing. This summer I've had a lot of fun in the kitchen with my 15 year old, and he's learning that he can make all of these tasty treats in a much healthier manner than store bought or restaurant versions.
I too am a drill sergeant to myself! I’m slowly learning to untangle myself from that voice and letting go of what is just causing me more misery. I am intrigued by this idea of following faith. I grew up in a very letter of the law Catholic family and I’ve been slowly moving away from that. Taking what fits and leaving what doesn’t at this moment….and open to change. I love that. In a spot right now that I don’t want to be in (had to move for my husbands job and I wasn’t happy about it) but I need to keep dreaming and have faith that this is just a stepping stone to home.
Yes, it may be a stepping stone, but you can make it a lovely one while you're there. There's always a reason and, I believe, gifts in every circumstance. ❤️
Me as well, Mae. A strict Roman Catholic family. 5 siblings, wanted to be a nun at one point in my youth, abusive priest - not to me but little girls around me… shifting from much of that but as you said taking what fits; the spirituality, inquiry and faith. Wishing you well with your move. Stepping stones- absolutely!
That’s a beautiful example of how God can work in our lives.
God’s love and grace in our lives is so big, so amazing, if we will just allow it. Having a little grace with not just those we love, but with ourselves also, can be so freeing and healing.
What a lovely post! I could feel your energy rollicking through it, light and sweet like a spring wind. I’m slowly getting there too. Thank you for letting us share in your journey - there is no one else like you who I find so inspiring. And now, on to listen to the addendum!
Thank you for sharing. I am also trying to shift out of a scarcity/fear mindset, towards trusting in God and his abundance.
The food part of this essay had me thinking a lot. You said that you no longer limit what you eat but you eat God’s foods. I was wondering when you draw the line, are grains ‘ok’? or do they have to be organic? Does it not matter if the meat you eat is grain fed? If you are in pain after eating sourdough bread what does that mean? These are things I was curious about. And I know our situation is completely different as you grow your own food and I am for the most part reliant on supermarkets.
I’ve also been trying to heal from chronic illness for a long time. And it definitely feels that a large part of being able to function decently involves limiting, but then again I can look at it as choosing better. It's hard for me to determine at times which it is: limiting or choosing in alignment with my body. There are things I eat where afterwards I will be in pain a lot of pain for perhaps a day and tired. Perhaps it is just a long season. I also want to live fully, to be there fully for my daughter, for myself and for other loved ones.
Thank you for the inspiration and the food for thought.
I don't think it's limiting or holding a scarcity mindset to choose foods that are grown as God intended, before profits and corruption dug its claws into our food system. I haven't eaten grains in twenty years, and now here I am eating organic sourdough, a bit at a time, and relishing it with my raw butter and peach jam on top. I hold only gratitude in my heart and faith in the strength of my body rather than worry about how I will "react". That's made all the difference. I think there's a lot of deep, emotional type work that needs to be done to get to this point. At least for me there was and is.
One of the big things I've swung my brain around is the volume of food in order to get the adequate calories which is needed to get nutrient saturation. I am a big eater, but when I sat down and calculated my calories, I was really shocked to see how little I was eating in a day. I am continuously increasing calories now and my sleep and mood and energy are all profoundly improving. How can we get enough nutrition if we're not eating enough food, right?
I too manage a life with chronic illness. I don't really limit my foods any more, but rather am m8ndful of what I eat. I only buy/consume organic grains. We still buy pastured meat, but don't worry about the source when eating at someone else's house or the rare time we eat out. I will eat just about anything now as long as it is whole/minimally processed.
Seems like so many of in this awesome community you have grown, Tara, have similar strong morals, traits, determination, stick-to-itness no matter what. All of these principles I utilize to shape my life as I live it now, Today. Lots of grief and tears have flown due to being too stubborn or not open minded enough Or too much. Getting a balance, an intuitive God centered heart guidance is so important and how I grow and learn and value my life my family my grandchildren and the big world around me.
Learning from my past mistakes and putting important stock in your guidance you may not even know how much we thankfully glean from your words(!) and other pivotal mentors in my life are so much appreciated and with gratitude I give thanks. 💙
Well I give thanks back to you, Rebecca for your sharing of parts of where you are and what you are trying to cultivate in your life. I know, so many wonderful humans (like you) here. I'm so grateful. ♥️
For years now I have tried to get to the bottom of a few minor issues by tightly and ruthlessly controlling my diet. To the point of not eating any meals gifted to me postpartum, bring my own meals to family events, etc. spent thousands of dollars on supplements, drained myself and those around me. Learning more this past couple of years about quantum/circadian biology and my growing devotion Christ has freed me. I say a prayer over a healthy, though not perfect, meal gifted to me and take in its beautiful energetic qualities. I eat a piece of pumpkin pie made with granny’s beautiful hands and regular-ass flour once a year.
I drink in the sun, my families love, nourish myself the best I can, and thank God with every atom of my being. Loosening my grip has been profoundly healing.
Thank you for your words, as always.
So beautiful, Acacia. I am so genuinely happy for you. I think we keep waiting for external things to fix us when the thing we've been waiting for is inside of us all. Quantum biology is such a wonderful way to connect us all to the natural rhythms of this world and ourselves.
Acacia I so relate to this! This false sense of “control” that I used to grip on to was just a slow poison draining myself and god & love help me surrender. Still very much working on the surrender piece daily. Baking a key lime pie to bring to a family dinner tonight as I write this :)
Wish I could edit to fix typos. Loosening my grip on that too! 😬
"Over the last few years of living my days with the grief of our daughter’s death, I made the decision that this life of mine would be a saturated one."
Mila, a doorway. Mila, a vision-bearer. I have been thinking of her so often in recent months, your beautiful girl, as I turn over memories from the pregnancy three and a half years ago during which I read and re-read and re-read your telling of her. Reading this piece from you felt like a full breath, an inhale without a catch in the lungs. It also feels—to this heart who knows you and yours only through the words you share—as if the essence of her is woven all throughout. All in, overflowing. Vividly alive.
I am grateful past the bounds of language for you, and for your shifting perceptions as you sound the depths of living wisdom. Sending love from Pennsylvania.
Oh, Jan. I hardly know how to thank you for this. Thank you for your beautiful words and for thinking and holding Mila inside of you. That seems a gift too extravagant to properly express my appreciation. That is so meaningful to me.
She is woven all throughout and within. Today I walked out to the rock altar I built in the woods a few years ago. I hadn't been there for months. The second I stepped on the limestone floor, a raven flew overhead, just feet from me and I could hear the wind cutting through every feather of its wings. I just laugh at such things. This happens often. I hold my head up and try to catch the forest dustings that fall from their wings, hoping parts of them will fall into my eyes, be breathed into my lungs. Maybe one day I will become more raven and mushroom and wild winds than I am the Tara I know today. I'd like that. I'm going to keep a look out for her. Mila illuminates my path.
Love to you in Pennsylvania, Jan.
“I want my unique story. I hope you want yours. Shouldn’t someone tell us that at some early point in our lives?” Oh how I wish they had! But since we were instead told that we needed to fit inside the same shitty little box everyone else was trying to fit into then I guess us getting there on our own is part of our ecstatic journey in this lifetime. I’m so grateful for others like you who are willing to challenge every single thing and create your own unique version of heaven on earth. Thank you for sharing with us!!
Thank you so much. And I, in return, feel so encouraged when I get to connect with people on this same path - like you. It feels so genuine and honest to learn of how many of us are connected by these observations and desires. Feels good :)
Oh my. What a lovely post this morning. You have been and are making huge breakthroughs in how you choose to live your own life. I'm a bit ahead of you in age, and I can say that for those who are looking, this kind of life inspection does come along about where you are in life. The difference between us is that some don't slow down to figure out what truly makes us fit in our own skins happily. Most just make...changes. I love this post, Tara. Thanks so much for sharing.
"...some don't slow down to figure out what truly makes us fit in our own skins happily. Most just make...changes." Wow, that's a great beginning for a book Madame Enright! So wise, so true. All these superficial and logistical changes, trying to outrun ourselves. I want none of it :)
This essay really resonated with me. With age comes wisdom.. I have been making similar changes in regards to food over the last year and so far have seen only positive effects. A big motivator for me was my kids. They are teens now and interested in cooking and baking, and their dissapointment when I wouldn't eat their creations really opened my eyes to what I was doing. This summer I've had a lot of fun in the kitchen with my 15 year old, and he's learning that he can make all of these tasty treats in a much healthier manner than store bought or restaurant versions.
I love this, Daisy. The stuff that really matters. Spending that kind of time with our kids is immeasurable.
Beautiful Tara! ❤️
Thank you, Françoise.
I too am a drill sergeant to myself! I’m slowly learning to untangle myself from that voice and letting go of what is just causing me more misery. I am intrigued by this idea of following faith. I grew up in a very letter of the law Catholic family and I’ve been slowly moving away from that. Taking what fits and leaving what doesn’t at this moment….and open to change. I love that. In a spot right now that I don’t want to be in (had to move for my husbands job and I wasn’t happy about it) but I need to keep dreaming and have faith that this is just a stepping stone to home.
Yes, it may be a stepping stone, but you can make it a lovely one while you're there. There's always a reason and, I believe, gifts in every circumstance. ❤️
Me as well, Mae. A strict Roman Catholic family. 5 siblings, wanted to be a nun at one point in my youth, abusive priest - not to me but little girls around me… shifting from much of that but as you said taking what fits; the spirituality, inquiry and faith. Wishing you well with your move. Stepping stones- absolutely!
Well, I just love this. 💚
I deeply felt your joy while reading this essay. Beautiful.
Tara your words just make me weep... in a wonderful way.
The light is so, so sweet. And I am ever grateful to you for reminding me of that truth!
That’s a beautiful example of how God can work in our lives.
God’s love and grace in our lives is so big, so amazing, if we will just allow it. Having a little grace with not just those we love, but with ourselves also, can be so freeing and healing.
God’s light IS so sweet
ps…..a tree house in the woods would be awesome!
Yes, God's light is so sweet. And yes, a tree house in the woods seems a swell place to be. :)
What a lovely post! I could feel your energy rollicking through it, light and sweet like a spring wind. I’m slowly getting there too. Thank you for letting us share in your journey - there is no one else like you who I find so inspiring. And now, on to listen to the addendum!
Ah! How wonderful! I love to hear that you found my happy energy in there. That's how I've been feeling :) Thank you, Petra!
Dear Tara,
Thank you for sharing. I am also trying to shift out of a scarcity/fear mindset, towards trusting in God and his abundance.
The food part of this essay had me thinking a lot. You said that you no longer limit what you eat but you eat God’s foods. I was wondering when you draw the line, are grains ‘ok’? or do they have to be organic? Does it not matter if the meat you eat is grain fed? If you are in pain after eating sourdough bread what does that mean? These are things I was curious about. And I know our situation is completely different as you grow your own food and I am for the most part reliant on supermarkets.
I’ve also been trying to heal from chronic illness for a long time. And it definitely feels that a large part of being able to function decently involves limiting, but then again I can look at it as choosing better. It's hard for me to determine at times which it is: limiting or choosing in alignment with my body. There are things I eat where afterwards I will be in pain a lot of pain for perhaps a day and tired. Perhaps it is just a long season. I also want to live fully, to be there fully for my daughter, for myself and for other loved ones.
Thank you for the inspiration and the food for thought.
I don't think it's limiting or holding a scarcity mindset to choose foods that are grown as God intended, before profits and corruption dug its claws into our food system. I haven't eaten grains in twenty years, and now here I am eating organic sourdough, a bit at a time, and relishing it with my raw butter and peach jam on top. I hold only gratitude in my heart and faith in the strength of my body rather than worry about how I will "react". That's made all the difference. I think there's a lot of deep, emotional type work that needs to be done to get to this point. At least for me there was and is.
One of the big things I've swung my brain around is the volume of food in order to get the adequate calories which is needed to get nutrient saturation. I am a big eater, but when I sat down and calculated my calories, I was really shocked to see how little I was eating in a day. I am continuously increasing calories now and my sleep and mood and energy are all profoundly improving. How can we get enough nutrition if we're not eating enough food, right?
I too manage a life with chronic illness. I don't really limit my foods any more, but rather am m8ndful of what I eat. I only buy/consume organic grains. We still buy pastured meat, but don't worry about the source when eating at someone else's house or the rare time we eat out. I will eat just about anything now as long as it is whole/minimally processed.
Seems like so many of in this awesome community you have grown, Tara, have similar strong morals, traits, determination, stick-to-itness no matter what. All of these principles I utilize to shape my life as I live it now, Today. Lots of grief and tears have flown due to being too stubborn or not open minded enough Or too much. Getting a balance, an intuitive God centered heart guidance is so important and how I grow and learn and value my life my family my grandchildren and the big world around me.
Learning from my past mistakes and putting important stock in your guidance you may not even know how much we thankfully glean from your words(!) and other pivotal mentors in my life are so much appreciated and with gratitude I give thanks. 💙
Well I give thanks back to you, Rebecca for your sharing of parts of where you are and what you are trying to cultivate in your life. I know, so many wonderful humans (like you) here. I'm so grateful. ♥️