I too returned home to my own bed last night after nearly 2 weeks of travel.. and awoke to your post.. please keep sharing your words - they give voice to many of our thoughts and feelings. I too lost a beloved child. My eldest son Colby almost four years ago. We live similarly, I think. Blessed and broken alongside one another, day by day, threading together a meaningful, thoughtful, purposeful chosen path. Living this way has saved me and gives my life meaning. Carrying them with us, hoping their spirit souls walk along side us. It’s much easier to do at home in our cultivated bubble.. much more challenging out in general society & so your post resonates deeply and encourages me to take forth my cultivated peace and purpose out into the larger landscape of our world and as you said, model it for your daughters and others. Have a blessed day & welcome home 🧡
Welcome home to you as well, Lauren. Yes, you've said it so beautifully here. And maybe that's part of these roots in this soil under my feet - a place where I feel closer to my daughter as you do, your Colby. It's hard to find her in the hustle and bustle and the horns and the fluorescents. I have to be still and quiet and open. Maybe that's it, too - the being open part. I always feel guarded, a bit on edge and closed off with swarms of people around me.
I'm heading into the woods now. I think they've missed me, too. Thank you for being on this path with me, it feels less lonely to hear from you. Our windy, treacherous, mysterious path we would have never chosen to walk down and yet, here we are being asked to notice and be a part anyway.
Dear Tara, I feel the same as you… after having travelled much of my life and lived in different countries for long stretches, enough to gather the tools and perspectives I needed at the time to craft a view of the world as it is, I am now bewildered by the contentment I experience just sitting in my backyard, with my furry and feathers companions and appreciating the way the light comes through the trees, just so, right here.
I am ever grateful for the times I spent travelling in far off lands, and even now I know that this backyard is not where I want to be forever, but as the world changes, and becomes more plastic and more digital, I’m glad to have my own space to take refuge in, and care for as best as I can.
It’s hard to see far down our own paths, and I never imagined mine would lead here, but I trust that there’s much for me to draw from this stillness. The world has changed so much since my days of travelling … without a cell phone, before selfies, writing postcards and journaling, and getting lost really and truly, turning the maps and guidebooks around and asking people for directions…. It’s all changed. I’m glad I had my time out there, and that it led me to appreciate right here. And I know that wherever I land next will be good, too.
It's that "wherever I land next will be good, too" part that I think delivers such peace for the unknowns that may come. I know, as you know, having been in those situations in our lives that whatever comes, we will make it work. We will be okay. I think that's a great gift from those early experiences. I know people as well that have always been in one place, known one way of being, that are very fearful of things beyond. I think it's that unknowing, having built trust in our capacity, that feels quite scary to them.
I'm glad you have your place of refuge, Jillana. We all need that, however it looks to us.
I feel the same when traveling with public transportation. On a trip to Scotland I didn’t feel the pull to come home. Maybe because it was so clean and so green? No trash on the roads ways. No homeless, less obesity, clean food for a fraction of the cost in America, such high animal welfare standards. Even the dogs were groomed and not obese as here in the states all the fad poodle mixes are matted miserable beings. We just came back from a hunting trip where the weather was perfect. We packed 13 miles in from the trail head with the horses and our friends. It was magical. It really reset my brain and nervous system. Maybe because there weren’t other humans around or no tech available?
This is a timely read because we just returned from a (very rare for us) trip out of province, including flying which we hadn't done in years. Flying feels so hard on a body!
And staying in an airbnb with none of the comforts of home, so many bright lights and nonstick frying pans and plastic kitchen tools.
But also, so grateful for time with family, beautiful family that loves each other, and knowing we will be OK because we have systems and routines in place at home that serve us well.
And that's what we have to do - finding the lovely things in amongst the nonstick pans and harsh environments that feel so foreign. I'm glad you had some time with the people you love, Louella.
And here I was thinking it was only me who hated bright obnoxious lights at air bnb’s! It drives me crazy 😆😂 I’ve started being candles with me when possible. I really think if an air bnb listing description said something like - nontoxic cleaning products, no LED lights, organic linens and cast iron cookware, etc….I’d book it! 🙃
How timely, I returned from a quick get away visiting my sister in CO. It was a 74 hour adventure. On one hand, so thankful for that nasty metal can and the technology that allows us to stay connected, see each other without much difficulty, etc. But I know how you feel, the screaming "how do people live like this.... just get me back to my farm". But we lean in, look past the noise and see the one we are with. The one who, though raised in the same house, has made very different choices and leads a very different life. But she is my sister before all else, so the choice of dipping into that life for a few days is an easy one. But oh, home sweet home, every bone in my body was ready for it!
It's almost like so many of us live in different worlds. Everything feels like such a modern day construct. This idea that we can just get on a plane and move away. I mean, that couldn't even happen 100 years ago. We all lived with and like each other. But here we are, trying to cobble together relationships and visits as best we can. And, yes, home sure feels all the sweeter for it. :)
Lovely! But I'm sorry about your failed trip with your daughters and that precious granddaughter. That must be a disappointment, layered with the joy of being with them.
Thank you, Louisa. It wasn't a complete failure by any stretch, just more frustrations than I was hoping for. I got to spend a few days on Virginia Beach and even sun my buns and swim in the ocean with my daughters so I figure that made up for the poopy stuff - I'll keep that stuff and forget the rest :)
I think we’re often meant to experience the different or unexpected outside of our home base for reasons we don’t always know. Maybe we’re meant to inspire someone else or be a help to them somehow, maybe we’re meant to get downloads & insights high in the air in tin cans (this always happens to me!) and maybe we’re just meant to spread our unique energetic signal to a different part of this beautiful planet. Thanks for the glimpse into your trip and thoughts 🤍 (now I’m going to go squeeze my toddler ☺️)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I relate, especially to the issue of being rooted vs being near your kids and grandkids. We often dream of retiring somewhere else, yet it’s really hard to imagine leaving what we’ve built up. Mostly I want to be where my kids and (hopefully in the future) grandkids are. I think being involved with grandkids is one of those not-to-be-missed opportunities, if one can help it, just like I feel having kids is life-altering, with so many things made understood through that experience. I can’t imagine my life without having had kids. Of course, at this point I also can’t imagine not having my milk cow. (haha) Choosing may feel like a dilemma, but either way it’s a nice dilemma to have.
Very relatable, Tara, once again. When I first got married, my husband’s job took us all over the place for our first 12 years. I craved putting down roots in a home and community, especially once kids entered the picture. We managed to do just that after he retired from his first career, despite bouncing around a few times within our community to get to where we wanted to be - out here on our farm.
Our kids are in their mid-twenties now and once the last wraps up her education in Toronto in May, she’ll settle back home in our Alberta community, just like our son. I’m well aware that adventures that pull them away from home could be lurking right around the corner, though. And how exciting that would be! Moving all over and adjusting to change and unfamiliars moulded me, and developed in me the ability to be flexible and adaptable. I’m guessing the same skill that allowed you to show grace during the obstacles you met in your latest excursion.
Perhaps one day you’ll have sweet grandbabes living down the road, coming daily for homemade ice cream and snuggles, whether that be in Ontario or abroad. Who knows what life will throw our way?! Personally, I have no intention of moving again, but will carry on with what feels right, until it doesn’t. Regardless, I’m open, and have ultimate faith that God will open and close the proper doors at just the right time, as he’s always done. 🤍
Dorothy said it best: there's no place like home. I don't even like going to the city any more. I never did really like cities. Our only reason to go is my daughter lives there now, and a couple of our favorite stores...Princess Auto and Cabela's.
I would be interested to know how your single daughter was allowed to move to the US. We were interested in moving to Alaska, but even though Tom's sister has dual citizenship it would still take 14 years for us to be granted a green card.
I love hearing about your joyful reconnecting! I’m sure there was a joyful reconnecting at home as well!😄The woods and outside definitely are a healing place and I hope you come back refreshed from your time out walking your trails. I echo Marleen, thank you for the time you put into choosing your beautiful art. I always look forward to see what you’ve chosen to compliment your words.
Tara, this sounds so true to me. I also wanted to say how much I love the images you add to your writings, thank you for putting thought and care into searching for them, it makes the reading even sweeter.
Beautiful words. As others have said, your thoughts feel timely to me too. I feel so much at ease here in our home, and leaving even to go to work in the city (which i am looking forward to not having to do in the future) reminds me of the sadness of our world. I am also having some anxiety about flying out West for my friend's wedding soon. Crowds, and airport security, and going to a place where I can't take my own water and provisions, when I rely heavily on a simple animal based diet because of terrible allergic reactions, leaving my sweet, safe husband for almost a week -- all of it makes me a fearful. But it's my dear friend's wedding and I am so incredibly honored to be there with her and help her prepare and see her as a bride, all the rest doesn't add up to how much that means. Perspective changes so much.
I love how connected you are to your daughters and it inspires me. I have the same authentic connection to my mom, though we live hours away. You put it so well how it really doesn't matter the distance. We are just a hop skip from my husband's family and the relationship is not the same...perhaps someday will be.
Thank you for sharing your stories, Tara, I've been here for several months and have not commented but I find a lot of value here and also learned so much from you!
Somehow I am in Florida right now. Completely steeped in Disney consumerism and it’s so foreign. I’m so grateful to see the world and then, return home.
Dear Tara, I too hate travelling. The tin can hurtling through the sky, lines of disgruntled people, the illness I sense all around me is palpable. Yet we do these things to be with loved ones, don’t we? All we can do is as you say be the parent always, handle ourselves with grace and some sort of dignity. I wanted to tell you how much I enjoy the artwork you post. I’d love to know if these are your paintings at home, or if these are just pleasing to you and you’ve found them somewhere to share. Have a blessed day, Dear Tara.
I too returned home to my own bed last night after nearly 2 weeks of travel.. and awoke to your post.. please keep sharing your words - they give voice to many of our thoughts and feelings. I too lost a beloved child. My eldest son Colby almost four years ago. We live similarly, I think. Blessed and broken alongside one another, day by day, threading together a meaningful, thoughtful, purposeful chosen path. Living this way has saved me and gives my life meaning. Carrying them with us, hoping their spirit souls walk along side us. It’s much easier to do at home in our cultivated bubble.. much more challenging out in general society & so your post resonates deeply and encourages me to take forth my cultivated peace and purpose out into the larger landscape of our world and as you said, model it for your daughters and others. Have a blessed day & welcome home 🧡
Welcome home to you as well, Lauren. Yes, you've said it so beautifully here. And maybe that's part of these roots in this soil under my feet - a place where I feel closer to my daughter as you do, your Colby. It's hard to find her in the hustle and bustle and the horns and the fluorescents. I have to be still and quiet and open. Maybe that's it, too - the being open part. I always feel guarded, a bit on edge and closed off with swarms of people around me.
I'm heading into the woods now. I think they've missed me, too. Thank you for being on this path with me, it feels less lonely to hear from you. Our windy, treacherous, mysterious path we would have never chosen to walk down and yet, here we are being asked to notice and be a part anyway.
Dear Tara, I feel the same as you… after having travelled much of my life and lived in different countries for long stretches, enough to gather the tools and perspectives I needed at the time to craft a view of the world as it is, I am now bewildered by the contentment I experience just sitting in my backyard, with my furry and feathers companions and appreciating the way the light comes through the trees, just so, right here.
I am ever grateful for the times I spent travelling in far off lands, and even now I know that this backyard is not where I want to be forever, but as the world changes, and becomes more plastic and more digital, I’m glad to have my own space to take refuge in, and care for as best as I can.
It’s hard to see far down our own paths, and I never imagined mine would lead here, but I trust that there’s much for me to draw from this stillness. The world has changed so much since my days of travelling … without a cell phone, before selfies, writing postcards and journaling, and getting lost really and truly, turning the maps and guidebooks around and asking people for directions…. It’s all changed. I’m glad I had my time out there, and that it led me to appreciate right here. And I know that wherever I land next will be good, too.
It's that "wherever I land next will be good, too" part that I think delivers such peace for the unknowns that may come. I know, as you know, having been in those situations in our lives that whatever comes, we will make it work. We will be okay. I think that's a great gift from those early experiences. I know people as well that have always been in one place, known one way of being, that are very fearful of things beyond. I think it's that unknowing, having built trust in our capacity, that feels quite scary to them.
I'm glad you have your place of refuge, Jillana. We all need that, however it looks to us.
So true!!!
I feel the same when traveling with public transportation. On a trip to Scotland I didn’t feel the pull to come home. Maybe because it was so clean and so green? No trash on the roads ways. No homeless, less obesity, clean food for a fraction of the cost in America, such high animal welfare standards. Even the dogs were groomed and not obese as here in the states all the fad poodle mixes are matted miserable beings. We just came back from a hunting trip where the weather was perfect. We packed 13 miles in from the trail head with the horses and our friends. It was magical. It really reset my brain and nervous system. Maybe because there weren’t other humans around or no tech available?
That hunting trip sounds amazing! I always look for horseback riding wherever I travel. The real ones, out in nature :)
That last paragraph. ❤️🙏
This is a timely read because we just returned from a (very rare for us) trip out of province, including flying which we hadn't done in years. Flying feels so hard on a body!
And staying in an airbnb with none of the comforts of home, so many bright lights and nonstick frying pans and plastic kitchen tools.
But also, so grateful for time with family, beautiful family that loves each other, and knowing we will be OK because we have systems and routines in place at home that serve us well.
And that's what we have to do - finding the lovely things in amongst the nonstick pans and harsh environments that feel so foreign. I'm glad you had some time with the people you love, Louella.
And here I was thinking it was only me who hated bright obnoxious lights at air bnb’s! It drives me crazy 😆😂 I’ve started being candles with me when possible. I really think if an air bnb listing description said something like - nontoxic cleaning products, no LED lights, organic linens and cast iron cookware, etc….I’d book it! 🙃
Maybe we should be getting our home listed 😅 but I don't feel like the added effort is worth it at this point
How timely, I returned from a quick get away visiting my sister in CO. It was a 74 hour adventure. On one hand, so thankful for that nasty metal can and the technology that allows us to stay connected, see each other without much difficulty, etc. But I know how you feel, the screaming "how do people live like this.... just get me back to my farm". But we lean in, look past the noise and see the one we are with. The one who, though raised in the same house, has made very different choices and leads a very different life. But she is my sister before all else, so the choice of dipping into that life for a few days is an easy one. But oh, home sweet home, every bone in my body was ready for it!
It's almost like so many of us live in different worlds. Everything feels like such a modern day construct. This idea that we can just get on a plane and move away. I mean, that couldn't even happen 100 years ago. We all lived with and like each other. But here we are, trying to cobble together relationships and visits as best we can. And, yes, home sure feels all the sweeter for it. :)
Lovely! But I'm sorry about your failed trip with your daughters and that precious granddaughter. That must be a disappointment, layered with the joy of being with them.
Thank you, Louisa. It wasn't a complete failure by any stretch, just more frustrations than I was hoping for. I got to spend a few days on Virginia Beach and even sun my buns and swim in the ocean with my daughters so I figure that made up for the poopy stuff - I'll keep that stuff and forget the rest :)
I think we’re often meant to experience the different or unexpected outside of our home base for reasons we don’t always know. Maybe we’re meant to inspire someone else or be a help to them somehow, maybe we’re meant to get downloads & insights high in the air in tin cans (this always happens to me!) and maybe we’re just meant to spread our unique energetic signal to a different part of this beautiful planet. Thanks for the glimpse into your trip and thoughts 🤍 (now I’m going to go squeeze my toddler ☺️)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I relate, especially to the issue of being rooted vs being near your kids and grandkids. We often dream of retiring somewhere else, yet it’s really hard to imagine leaving what we’ve built up. Mostly I want to be where my kids and (hopefully in the future) grandkids are. I think being involved with grandkids is one of those not-to-be-missed opportunities, if one can help it, just like I feel having kids is life-altering, with so many things made understood through that experience. I can’t imagine my life without having had kids. Of course, at this point I also can’t imagine not having my milk cow. (haha) Choosing may feel like a dilemma, but either way it’s a nice dilemma to have.
Very relatable, Tara, once again. When I first got married, my husband’s job took us all over the place for our first 12 years. I craved putting down roots in a home and community, especially once kids entered the picture. We managed to do just that after he retired from his first career, despite bouncing around a few times within our community to get to where we wanted to be - out here on our farm.
Our kids are in their mid-twenties now and once the last wraps up her education in Toronto in May, she’ll settle back home in our Alberta community, just like our son. I’m well aware that adventures that pull them away from home could be lurking right around the corner, though. And how exciting that would be! Moving all over and adjusting to change and unfamiliars moulded me, and developed in me the ability to be flexible and adaptable. I’m guessing the same skill that allowed you to show grace during the obstacles you met in your latest excursion.
Perhaps one day you’ll have sweet grandbabes living down the road, coming daily for homemade ice cream and snuggles, whether that be in Ontario or abroad. Who knows what life will throw our way?! Personally, I have no intention of moving again, but will carry on with what feels right, until it doesn’t. Regardless, I’m open, and have ultimate faith that God will open and close the proper doors at just the right time, as he’s always done. 🤍
Happy Wednesday, all.
Dorothy said it best: there's no place like home. I don't even like going to the city any more. I never did really like cities. Our only reason to go is my daughter lives there now, and a couple of our favorite stores...Princess Auto and Cabela's.
I would be interested to know how your single daughter was allowed to move to the US. We were interested in moving to Alaska, but even though Tom's sister has dual citizenship it would still take 14 years for us to be granted a green card.
I love hearing about your joyful reconnecting! I’m sure there was a joyful reconnecting at home as well!😄The woods and outside definitely are a healing place and I hope you come back refreshed from your time out walking your trails. I echo Marleen, thank you for the time you put into choosing your beautiful art. I always look forward to see what you’ve chosen to compliment your words.
Tara, this sounds so true to me. I also wanted to say how much I love the images you add to your writings, thank you for putting thought and care into searching for them, it makes the reading even sweeter.
Beautiful words. As others have said, your thoughts feel timely to me too. I feel so much at ease here in our home, and leaving even to go to work in the city (which i am looking forward to not having to do in the future) reminds me of the sadness of our world. I am also having some anxiety about flying out West for my friend's wedding soon. Crowds, and airport security, and going to a place where I can't take my own water and provisions, when I rely heavily on a simple animal based diet because of terrible allergic reactions, leaving my sweet, safe husband for almost a week -- all of it makes me a fearful. But it's my dear friend's wedding and I am so incredibly honored to be there with her and help her prepare and see her as a bride, all the rest doesn't add up to how much that means. Perspective changes so much.
I love how connected you are to your daughters and it inspires me. I have the same authentic connection to my mom, though we live hours away. You put it so well how it really doesn't matter the distance. We are just a hop skip from my husband's family and the relationship is not the same...perhaps someday will be.
Thank you for sharing your stories, Tara, I've been here for several months and have not commented but I find a lot of value here and also learned so much from you!
Somehow I am in Florida right now. Completely steeped in Disney consumerism and it’s so foreign. I’m so grateful to see the world and then, return home.
Dear Tara, I too hate travelling. The tin can hurtling through the sky, lines of disgruntled people, the illness I sense all around me is palpable. Yet we do these things to be with loved ones, don’t we? All we can do is as you say be the parent always, handle ourselves with grace and some sort of dignity. I wanted to tell you how much I enjoy the artwork you post. I’d love to know if these are your paintings at home, or if these are just pleasing to you and you’ve found them somewhere to share. Have a blessed day, Dear Tara.