Thank you for sharing your "rules", Tara. I found it to be very resonating to my marriage. Especially the organic unfolding of sanctity.
My husband and I have been married for 8 years and together since we were both teenagers, 16 and 17 years old, so together for 12 years. Neither of us had a stable home life to emulate and our relationship for the first 7 or 8 years were very destructive to our marriage and to our small, growing family. It is a testament of God that we made it out of those days together; we had no idea what we were doing. Once we realized that things weren't working to our benefit it took a lot of dedication to pull ourselves out of that deep, dark hole.
We actually had a conversation about this the other day, considering the effects of stepping away from the examples that mainstream society gives us in terms of a healthy relationship. Me stepping down from the role of a "working mother" gave my husband back the purpose and drive of being the sole provider and protector for our family. This may sound simple and ineffective but for my husband it changed how he operated as a man and father. He has his purpose, and this seed has started to bloom over the past few years. In the beginning, it was definitely difficult for me to step into the roles of supporting and nourishing and feeding and following; we had a lot of arguments because I was used to leading in some form or fashion, and that was now his responsibility. But thank God for allowing me to slowly soften and trust, because it has unfolded in more beautiful and nourishing ways than I could have imagined. I have learned that providing and protecting isn't just providing food, shelter and clothes. He has shown me that he provides and protects our (mine and the children's) souls, too.
The respect comes organically now, as we are both doing our part and those parts are very different from each other. The love, passion and affection flows from this respect and admiration. The drive does, too. How could you not want to continue to grow in your work when your rewards are uncountable? Rewarded now in potent conversation, consideration, affection, and simply being seen. Nothing beats being seen and in return seeing someone you love every single day. Really seeing all of their dedication and growth and love and trials and triumphs; for me, it puts things into perspective on those less-connected days.
It's so good for us all to share these stories. I know a lot of people read these comments, but only a few participate. I think words like yours, tied to experience, have resonance beyond what we can understand.
I had to be hard and tough and in control in my life. And, as you know, these things are reinforced as the independent woman's way! Yes, "independent" indeed! It reinforces my own life when I read or hear stories like yours. The more functional, loving families, the better our whole world. ❤️
Your description of walking through valleys in early marriage that seem like the death of your relationship, only to look back and see how small they really were, and how beautiful the summit you’ve reached…that resonates in such a tender, grateful place for me.
Dry spells, conflict, energies that weren’t aligning…I had such crippling anxiety over those in the early days of our (still young-3 year) marriage. I thought we were headed for a divorce (which I’d already gone through once at 25). I am SO THANKFUL for the gift of a steadfast, faithful, patient, loving husband and God, both of whom have led me out of that anxiety into greater rest and gratitude and steadiness in relationship.
We’ve walked through a lot in our short marriage. Financial stress, husband’s health issues, severe conflict in our intimacy, miscarriage, alcoholism (mine), difficult pregnancy, challenging work schedule (husband), hospitalization during pregnancy, an emergency c-section, a 2 month NICU stay, my husband in the police academy, and on an on. We’ve packed a lot in.
But I look back and see how FAR we have come. There is deeply rooted trust, affection and confidence in our marriage. I can’t wait to see where we are in a couple decades.
I am so thankful that you and your beautiful family are out there, Mallory. You have such an open heart and a committed way. I respect both deeply. What a beautiful thing you two are creating together. ❤️
I count you and Troy among other solid examples of the great thing called the long haul. My folks have been married 52 years, my partners folks shortly behind that.
I think something so lacking in today's culture is this throwaway culture that leaks into our relationships.
I've seen the glamorization of divorce, this 'need to find myself', 'feeling held back' (which is far different from needing to dissolve a marriage due to true harms).
Dating apps (which I'm grateful for as it is the reason I met my wonderful guy) also I think have taught us if something, or someone, isn't working out, don't worry there's plenty of others out there one swipe away.
It's more easy to romanticize what could be around the corner than to find the romance in the steady, ordinary and hard.
I love your word steadfast. I prayed for a steady man for a year before I met my fella, and he is so much so, and I think steadiness, and steadfastness is often underrated and overlooked.
I think, like many things, marriage was once revered in our culture, a great honorable thing to do with your life, and for the whole community, and I see, not always and everywhere, it's as valued and held as sacred as it once was.
I also think our culture largely today has troubles with misery-causing self-centeredness and I think one of the gifts of marriage and family is a beautiful other-centeredness.
My mother told me once this wonderful advice, the three phrases to hold dear in marriage and family:
"Please. Thank you. I'm sorry." Such little simple words that have such profound impact.
What a difference in the world if in marriages and all relationships if we simply held respect and gratitude and sticking it out in higher esteem.
Thank you for sharing this with us and for being a wonderful example of this in this world today.
I wish you many more years of your beautiful long haul.
What a glorious comment. Thank you, Julie. Yes, you've so wonderfully articulated what has become a throw away, disposable culture. There's a thread of narcissism that pervades. I like these words by Mary Oliver, "Love Yourself. Then forget it. Then love the world."
Your mama is a wise woman. There's so much profound truth in those little words that hold great impact on a relationship. Humility is too under-rated. ❤️
We've been married 10 years this year. I am unsure how to sum up those 10 years because some years or seasons were not pleasant.
We come from a culture where divorce is not an option. So couples stay together. But I also came from a home where for various reasons, my parents never really emotionally connected and sometimes the atmosphere was very cold. I remember how impatient my dad would get at my mom if he had to wait on her and how much that hurt as a child hearing that. I also remember coming to the realization that if my parents weren't Christians they'd be divorced and the stab of pain I felt. I think the most painful parts of an unhappy marriage is the way it forces kids to choose sides between mom n dad, something they should never have to do.
I was terrified to get married, shaking terrified. I got married to a very gentle loving humble man who's quick to apologize and listen. He holds space for my questions and patience and love when I was processing sexual abuse and not in a good space. It was really only God who kept us through those years of little sex. I am only now understanding the importance and value of connected sex.
I think if I could go back, I'd tell myself that what you feed will grow. If you feed the fear, you will eventually walk into that fear. If you feed love, you will be walking in love.
I could write more but oh dear I'm not trying to write another essay🤭
Louella, how I would value an essay from you on this! Every time Tara writes about marriage and relationships I end up going through and screenshotting the comments, jotting them in my journal, and thinking long and hard about the stories and perspectives shared by those further down the road than I am. I recall coming to the same realization as a young child: that if my parents were not convicted against divorce and deeply religious they would have separated very early in the marriage. It has taken years for me to come to the place of actually being able to seek emotional intimacy with a potential life partner after a lifetime of bearing witness to my parents' marriage. It is helpful to hear from others who are already deep in the care and keeping of a marriage.
Beautifully said, Louella. What we feed will grow - so true. I have read that, pyschologically, it's better for a child to come from an intact family, even when the parents were miserable or abusive. I don't know what "better" really means. We all come out with our wounds. I think these are the things that propel us in life to self-reflect and evolve into something beyond what we know. For years I felt resentful and hurt by things that shouldn't have been, but they were and so, in time, I came to think "who am I to think they shouldn't have been"? Here I am, imperfect and deeply flawed, but I've done okay. I have love and peace in my family and so it all was how it was meant to be and in there, even in the dark stuff, was blessings and love from beyond this realm. You have such an introspective and open heart. I always admire your ability to open and consider yourself, your life, your family in such robust ways. I only know you through this screen, but I know that you are courageous and loving and I suspect your children and your husband are so in love with the woman you are. That's really something. ❤️
Thank you for this Tara. For the many of us who have lacked clear example of the potential power in true union, this is a balm and a guide. So very grateful for your sharing and openness.
Thank you, Magali. That's what I was hoping for. And I want it to be hopeful for others that haven't seen this in their own lives. We can create something beyond what we know. What a gift that is to hold close. ❤️
Beautiful essay, Tara. I agree with all of it. Joe and I will celebrate 32 years of marriage this September. I love him more than ever and I think often about how good a word your "steadfast" is. I am definitely not perfect, but I count it as one of my greatest blessings that my love finds me desirable and that we have so much happiness just being together. I cherish him.
It fills my heart with warmth to know that Janene has Joe and Joe has Janene. We should all celebrate the love people share. It strengthens and connects us all in ways we don't even know. ❤️
This was so beautiful Tara. Your first point about respect and meanness is universal. I find whenever I’m in an argument or disagreement with someone, that is what sticks with me most. Not necessarily, even the point of the issue/ argument but the disrespect and meanness that ensues (also on my part) something that takes a lifetime to get back indeed. Much easier to avoid it all together and have a clear conscience.
It's mine and my hubby's 9th wedding anniversary today and I am astonished each year by how perfect he is for me. It is beyond the understanding of this world how we picked each other as young adults and somehow were more compatible than seems possible for our limited experience and new relationship to have revealed then. I can only chalk it up to "attraction"; "like attracts like". Something inside us, though immature and freshly bloomed, was strong and sure enough to bring us together. It's its own magic and I'm beyond grateful for it. My husband has carried me out of sickness so severe I almost died, and we're raising 3 amazing boys together. He is supportive of my goat and homesteading goals 😂 That man is a saint and superhuman. Making this marriage last forever is my top priority. I love him and can't imagine letting it slip away for the petty pleasing of my ego or pride or selfishness. Starting over alone after divorce sounds like hell. It takes a lot of self improvement to make a marriage work. That isn't easy. But we all gotta choose to do hard things, cause easy always leads to misery and regret.
Hallelujah and ring the bells! I am so happy for you, Saucey! And wow, those boys.. to see such a woman so in love with their dad is a deep and profound blessing. I'm so glad you have that kind of love in your life ❤️
I love your last line! Your whole comment sums up what I wanted to say but didnt🤭
But especially when I like back in sheer amazement that Jesse and I actually got married! And that we work so well together. Because 19 year old me barely knew what I wanted, I just knew what I didn't want. Many times I have thought "it is of the Lord's mercies" that our marriage is where it is. I think marriage is a bit of a miracle really 😄
Ever since I started following you way back when on Instagram, I've always admired your marriage. I would tell my husband, "they are so cute, I want our relationship to be as intimate as theirs." We have been married for 8 years, together for 6 before that.
I struggle with a hot temperament, my emotions going from 'happy-go-lucky' to 'I could not talk to you for 3 days' in a manner of 2 minutes. I'm not proud of it and I am consistently trying to change that about myself. My parents argued often, even yelled on the regular, doing everything that you say defines an unhealthy relationship. I would definitely say my marriage is leaps and bounds better than what I grew up seeing from my parents, but I know marriage is an ever evolving entity...and so am I. I am constantly working to better myself as well as my reactions and perceptions to life. Every blog I've read of yours has had some bit of information that really resonates with me and I think back upon them often. So, thank you for that!
I am, by nature, hot tempered. I grew up under hot tempers and came to see difficult situations as battles where determinants of guilt and fury were used as weapons. Nobody talked things through rationally. Maybe that's why what I share resonates with you - it comes from similar places.
There was a point where I became ashamed of myself. The shame I felt in turning into that ugly person became greater than my desire to relieve my pressure valve. I didn't want to hold a grudge anymore. I didn't want to be right. I just wanted the peace back. It was s determined, methodical, one step forward/two steps back kind of deal. Don't be satisfied with being better than what you had. Be satisfied with peace and with the people around you knowing you as someone stable and trustworthy. Nobody trusts someone that can turn on a dime. And you deserve the love that trust will bring to your life. And they deserve it too. I speak as someone that knows. You know it too because you were on the receiving end of it.
Humility is vulnerable and you grew up being really good at not being vulnerable. You couldn't be. I get that totally. And now, here we are as adults, understanding that vulnerability is intimacy and that intimacy is love. We don't need to be in control all the time. We don't need to protect those old wounds. Every day, remind yourself. And when you do stumble, own it immediately. Don't let it build. It's amazing, the more you go hat in hand and offer your apologies and sincere regret, the more love builds in your life. Then it becomes easier and easier and soon, you've left that hot temper behind because you realize this world of calm and steadiness is so much sweeter. I swear it. ❤️
One thing I have wondered about though...I cherish and treasure our good marriage more because of watching and experiencing an unhappy marriage as a child. Will my children treasure a good marriage as much as they could, if they only ever watch a good one? I think I know the answer! Negative does not beget positive. I just hope I can pass on what a treasure and security a good marriage is to children.
I think the best thing of all is that they don’t even notice. That the calm and steadiness of their lives is a given. That to them, a relationship is a loving and respectful one and who needs to think anymore about it? They will have that expectation on their lives and when it’s otherwise they will know it in an instant. Isn’t that what we want for them? I certainly never wanted my kids to know what I knew growing up and that’s what drove me to work so hard to give them something different. They are who they are because of that calm, secure, steady upbringing and they’ve chosen young men of character themselves. 🌞💕
Thank you for sharing your "rules", Tara. I found it to be very resonating to my marriage. Especially the organic unfolding of sanctity.
My husband and I have been married for 8 years and together since we were both teenagers, 16 and 17 years old, so together for 12 years. Neither of us had a stable home life to emulate and our relationship for the first 7 or 8 years were very destructive to our marriage and to our small, growing family. It is a testament of God that we made it out of those days together; we had no idea what we were doing. Once we realized that things weren't working to our benefit it took a lot of dedication to pull ourselves out of that deep, dark hole.
We actually had a conversation about this the other day, considering the effects of stepping away from the examples that mainstream society gives us in terms of a healthy relationship. Me stepping down from the role of a "working mother" gave my husband back the purpose and drive of being the sole provider and protector for our family. This may sound simple and ineffective but for my husband it changed how he operated as a man and father. He has his purpose, and this seed has started to bloom over the past few years. In the beginning, it was definitely difficult for me to step into the roles of supporting and nourishing and feeding and following; we had a lot of arguments because I was used to leading in some form or fashion, and that was now his responsibility. But thank God for allowing me to slowly soften and trust, because it has unfolded in more beautiful and nourishing ways than I could have imagined. I have learned that providing and protecting isn't just providing food, shelter and clothes. He has shown me that he provides and protects our (mine and the children's) souls, too.
The respect comes organically now, as we are both doing our part and those parts are very different from each other. The love, passion and affection flows from this respect and admiration. The drive does, too. How could you not want to continue to grow in your work when your rewards are uncountable? Rewarded now in potent conversation, consideration, affection, and simply being seen. Nothing beats being seen and in return seeing someone you love every single day. Really seeing all of their dedication and growth and love and trials and triumphs; for me, it puts things into perspective on those less-connected days.
It's so good for us all to share these stories. I know a lot of people read these comments, but only a few participate. I think words like yours, tied to experience, have resonance beyond what we can understand.
I had to be hard and tough and in control in my life. And, as you know, these things are reinforced as the independent woman's way! Yes, "independent" indeed! It reinforces my own life when I read or hear stories like yours. The more functional, loving families, the better our whole world. ❤️
Your description of walking through valleys in early marriage that seem like the death of your relationship, only to look back and see how small they really were, and how beautiful the summit you’ve reached…that resonates in such a tender, grateful place for me.
Dry spells, conflict, energies that weren’t aligning…I had such crippling anxiety over those in the early days of our (still young-3 year) marriage. I thought we were headed for a divorce (which I’d already gone through once at 25). I am SO THANKFUL for the gift of a steadfast, faithful, patient, loving husband and God, both of whom have led me out of that anxiety into greater rest and gratitude and steadiness in relationship.
We’ve walked through a lot in our short marriage. Financial stress, husband’s health issues, severe conflict in our intimacy, miscarriage, alcoholism (mine), difficult pregnancy, challenging work schedule (husband), hospitalization during pregnancy, an emergency c-section, a 2 month NICU stay, my husband in the police academy, and on an on. We’ve packed a lot in.
But I look back and see how FAR we have come. There is deeply rooted trust, affection and confidence in our marriage. I can’t wait to see where we are in a couple decades.
I am so thankful that you and your beautiful family are out there, Mallory. You have such an open heart and a committed way. I respect both deeply. What a beautiful thing you two are creating together. ❤️
Tara, I loved this as always.
I count you and Troy among other solid examples of the great thing called the long haul. My folks have been married 52 years, my partners folks shortly behind that.
I think something so lacking in today's culture is this throwaway culture that leaks into our relationships.
I've seen the glamorization of divorce, this 'need to find myself', 'feeling held back' (which is far different from needing to dissolve a marriage due to true harms).
Dating apps (which I'm grateful for as it is the reason I met my wonderful guy) also I think have taught us if something, or someone, isn't working out, don't worry there's plenty of others out there one swipe away.
It's more easy to romanticize what could be around the corner than to find the romance in the steady, ordinary and hard.
I love your word steadfast. I prayed for a steady man for a year before I met my fella, and he is so much so, and I think steadiness, and steadfastness is often underrated and overlooked.
I think, like many things, marriage was once revered in our culture, a great honorable thing to do with your life, and for the whole community, and I see, not always and everywhere, it's as valued and held as sacred as it once was.
I also think our culture largely today has troubles with misery-causing self-centeredness and I think one of the gifts of marriage and family is a beautiful other-centeredness.
My mother told me once this wonderful advice, the three phrases to hold dear in marriage and family:
"Please. Thank you. I'm sorry." Such little simple words that have such profound impact.
What a difference in the world if in marriages and all relationships if we simply held respect and gratitude and sticking it out in higher esteem.
Thank you for sharing this with us and for being a wonderful example of this in this world today.
I wish you many more years of your beautiful long haul.
What a glorious comment. Thank you, Julie. Yes, you've so wonderfully articulated what has become a throw away, disposable culture. There's a thread of narcissism that pervades. I like these words by Mary Oliver, "Love Yourself. Then forget it. Then love the world."
Your mama is a wise woman. There's so much profound truth in those little words that hold great impact on a relationship. Humility is too under-rated. ❤️
*I see it's NOT as valued and held as sacred as it once was. Correction:)
We've been married 10 years this year. I am unsure how to sum up those 10 years because some years or seasons were not pleasant.
We come from a culture where divorce is not an option. So couples stay together. But I also came from a home where for various reasons, my parents never really emotionally connected and sometimes the atmosphere was very cold. I remember how impatient my dad would get at my mom if he had to wait on her and how much that hurt as a child hearing that. I also remember coming to the realization that if my parents weren't Christians they'd be divorced and the stab of pain I felt. I think the most painful parts of an unhappy marriage is the way it forces kids to choose sides between mom n dad, something they should never have to do.
I was terrified to get married, shaking terrified. I got married to a very gentle loving humble man who's quick to apologize and listen. He holds space for my questions and patience and love when I was processing sexual abuse and not in a good space. It was really only God who kept us through those years of little sex. I am only now understanding the importance and value of connected sex.
I think if I could go back, I'd tell myself that what you feed will grow. If you feed the fear, you will eventually walk into that fear. If you feed love, you will be walking in love.
I could write more but oh dear I'm not trying to write another essay🤭
Louella, how I would value an essay from you on this! Every time Tara writes about marriage and relationships I end up going through and screenshotting the comments, jotting them in my journal, and thinking long and hard about the stories and perspectives shared by those further down the road than I am. I recall coming to the same realization as a young child: that if my parents were not convicted against divorce and deeply religious they would have separated very early in the marriage. It has taken years for me to come to the place of actually being able to seek emotional intimacy with a potential life partner after a lifetime of bearing witness to my parents' marriage. It is helpful to hear from others who are already deep in the care and keeping of a marriage.
Beautifully said, Louella. What we feed will grow - so true. I have read that, pyschologically, it's better for a child to come from an intact family, even when the parents were miserable or abusive. I don't know what "better" really means. We all come out with our wounds. I think these are the things that propel us in life to self-reflect and evolve into something beyond what we know. For years I felt resentful and hurt by things that shouldn't have been, but they were and so, in time, I came to think "who am I to think they shouldn't have been"? Here I am, imperfect and deeply flawed, but I've done okay. I have love and peace in my family and so it all was how it was meant to be and in there, even in the dark stuff, was blessings and love from beyond this realm. You have such an introspective and open heart. I always admire your ability to open and consider yourself, your life, your family in such robust ways. I only know you through this screen, but I know that you are courageous and loving and I suspect your children and your husband are so in love with the woman you are. That's really something. ❤️
Thank you for this Tara. For the many of us who have lacked clear example of the potential power in true union, this is a balm and a guide. So very grateful for your sharing and openness.
Thank you, Magali. That's what I was hoping for. And I want it to be hopeful for others that haven't seen this in their own lives. We can create something beyond what we know. What a gift that is to hold close. ❤️
Beautiful essay, Tara. I agree with all of it. Joe and I will celebrate 32 years of marriage this September. I love him more than ever and I think often about how good a word your "steadfast" is. I am definitely not perfect, but I count it as one of my greatest blessings that my love finds me desirable and that we have so much happiness just being together. I cherish him.
It fills my heart with warmth to know that Janene has Joe and Joe has Janene. We should all celebrate the love people share. It strengthens and connects us all in ways we don't even know. ❤️
This was so beautiful Tara. Your first point about respect and meanness is universal. I find whenever I’m in an argument or disagreement with someone, that is what sticks with me most. Not necessarily, even the point of the issue/ argument but the disrespect and meanness that ensues (also on my part) something that takes a lifetime to get back indeed. Much easier to avoid it all together and have a clear conscience.
Yes, very true, Naomi.
It's mine and my hubby's 9th wedding anniversary today and I am astonished each year by how perfect he is for me. It is beyond the understanding of this world how we picked each other as young adults and somehow were more compatible than seems possible for our limited experience and new relationship to have revealed then. I can only chalk it up to "attraction"; "like attracts like". Something inside us, though immature and freshly bloomed, was strong and sure enough to bring us together. It's its own magic and I'm beyond grateful for it. My husband has carried me out of sickness so severe I almost died, and we're raising 3 amazing boys together. He is supportive of my goat and homesteading goals 😂 That man is a saint and superhuman. Making this marriage last forever is my top priority. I love him and can't imagine letting it slip away for the petty pleasing of my ego or pride or selfishness. Starting over alone after divorce sounds like hell. It takes a lot of self improvement to make a marriage work. That isn't easy. But we all gotta choose to do hard things, cause easy always leads to misery and regret.
Hallelujah and ring the bells! I am so happy for you, Saucey! And wow, those boys.. to see such a woman so in love with their dad is a deep and profound blessing. I'm so glad you have that kind of love in your life ❤️
I wish for every human to have this sort of love! It would be heaven on earth at last.
I love your last line! Your whole comment sums up what I wanted to say but didnt🤭
But especially when I like back in sheer amazement that Jesse and I actually got married! And that we work so well together. Because 19 year old me barely knew what I wanted, I just knew what I didn't want. Many times I have thought "it is of the Lord's mercies" that our marriage is where it is. I think marriage is a bit of a miracle really 😄
It absolutely is a miracle, or a direct pathway to welcome miracles into your life... something like that!
This is beautiful. I enjoyed reading this with my morning drink, two shots of espresso over ice with raw milk. Thank you for sharing, Mama Tara!
Sounds like a nice little pleasure to be accompanied with - thanks, Lesley :)
“Mama Tara”- I’ve never realized it until I read that, but think of her that way too.
Ever since I started following you way back when on Instagram, I've always admired your marriage. I would tell my husband, "they are so cute, I want our relationship to be as intimate as theirs." We have been married for 8 years, together for 6 before that.
I struggle with a hot temperament, my emotions going from 'happy-go-lucky' to 'I could not talk to you for 3 days' in a manner of 2 minutes. I'm not proud of it and I am consistently trying to change that about myself. My parents argued often, even yelled on the regular, doing everything that you say defines an unhealthy relationship. I would definitely say my marriage is leaps and bounds better than what I grew up seeing from my parents, but I know marriage is an ever evolving entity...and so am I. I am constantly working to better myself as well as my reactions and perceptions to life. Every blog I've read of yours has had some bit of information that really resonates with me and I think back upon them often. So, thank you for that!
Thank you, Lindsey. That's nice to hear :)
I am, by nature, hot tempered. I grew up under hot tempers and came to see difficult situations as battles where determinants of guilt and fury were used as weapons. Nobody talked things through rationally. Maybe that's why what I share resonates with you - it comes from similar places.
There was a point where I became ashamed of myself. The shame I felt in turning into that ugly person became greater than my desire to relieve my pressure valve. I didn't want to hold a grudge anymore. I didn't want to be right. I just wanted the peace back. It was s determined, methodical, one step forward/two steps back kind of deal. Don't be satisfied with being better than what you had. Be satisfied with peace and with the people around you knowing you as someone stable and trustworthy. Nobody trusts someone that can turn on a dime. And you deserve the love that trust will bring to your life. And they deserve it too. I speak as someone that knows. You know it too because you were on the receiving end of it.
Humility is vulnerable and you grew up being really good at not being vulnerable. You couldn't be. I get that totally. And now, here we are as adults, understanding that vulnerability is intimacy and that intimacy is love. We don't need to be in control all the time. We don't need to protect those old wounds. Every day, remind yourself. And when you do stumble, own it immediately. Don't let it build. It's amazing, the more you go hat in hand and offer your apologies and sincere regret, the more love builds in your life. Then it becomes easier and easier and soon, you've left that hot temper behind because you realize this world of calm and steadiness is so much sweeter. I swear it. ❤️
One thing I have wondered about though...I cherish and treasure our good marriage more because of watching and experiencing an unhappy marriage as a child. Will my children treasure a good marriage as much as they could, if they only ever watch a good one? I think I know the answer! Negative does not beget positive. I just hope I can pass on what a treasure and security a good marriage is to children.
I think the best thing of all is that they don’t even notice. That the calm and steadiness of their lives is a given. That to them, a relationship is a loving and respectful one and who needs to think anymore about it? They will have that expectation on their lives and when it’s otherwise they will know it in an instant. Isn’t that what we want for them? I certainly never wanted my kids to know what I knew growing up and that’s what drove me to work so hard to give them something different. They are who they are because of that calm, secure, steady upbringing and they’ve chosen young men of character themselves. 🌞💕