I live just north of Asheville, NC where we had terrible devastation and havoc wreaked on September 27. These are the oldest mountains in the world as they used to be part of Pangea. We also hold the third oldest river in the world, older than the Nile. She runs south to north and swelled at 30ft higher than normal during Hurricane Helene. It was named a geological disaster, potentially the worst one in recorded US history. Countless people lost their homes and livelihoods. The city was without power for at least a week, and some pockets close to 2 weeks. We had no cell service for close to that amount of time, either. And the city still doesn’t have clean water, maybe for months to come. The earth was loving the break from the EMFs, she felt crystal clear the morning after the storm.
The grief and sadness comes in waves everyday. However, this community has been insanely resilient and have come together with beautiful and creative ways of helping each other out. Asheville is a mix of artists and creatives, herbalists, kayakers, backpackers, primitive skills educators, farmers, and good ol’ rural mountain folk. Pack mules were brought in to help carry insulin, supplies, mail, etc to those in homes up the mountains where road access was completely lost. People have created “tool library’s” with donated materials so people can borrow tools to rebuild. There was a “flush brigade” of people going around to folks homes who are elderly or disabled to help them flush their toilets when we had no water. A Kayaker braved the roaring river waters and kayaked to people’s houses who were flooding up to their roof and cut them out of the attic, saving countless lives. He even went back for people’s pets after he got the humans to safety.
The colors here have not been red or blue, but one big pot of purple soup. It’s been amazing to witness the hatred and unkind words toward each other disappear and people kicked into survival mode and helped their neighbor out or spoke to them for the first time ever to check in. Neighborhoods had meetings to bring their people together to ask what needs people had and who had extra things to help those in need while they were cutoff from the entire world. The beauty behind the devastation has been unreal. Death and rebirth. New life and ways of being are forming.
My main concern, and why I write you, is that the water lines to the city from the North Fork Reservoir were destroyed. The pipes were buried 25 feet down and the earth was completely wiped away in one spot, taking the water lines and the backup water lines with it. The city was completely cutoff from water for over 2 weeks. The pipes have since been rebuilt and there is “water” but we’re not supposed to even wash our hands or dishes in it unless it’s been boiled. The city is trying to clean up the turbidity of the water. They’re quoting a timeline of December, but they’re unsure if their efforts and methods of clearing the water turbidity will work. This has never happened before, so no other city has any idea how to help either. The other issue is if you have a well and it was flooded or the system breached, the water must be tested because of so many chemicals from plants that were flooded washing caustic agents all up the French Broad River as well as agricultural pesticides and whatever else they’re not telling us. So, after a long winded post, I’d like to ask what you think the best water filtration system may be in dire times like this? And do you have a preference on a water testing kit/company? We’re not only considering bacteria, but also PFAs, PFOs, etc. It’s quite a mess. The amount of plastic water bottles being used is sickening. Any information you can give would be awesome. Thank you!
We, as humans, are so resilient. My faith in humanity is being restored. It feels back to the old ways of being in community and I couldn’t be more proud of Western North Carolina.
Hi Michelle! We're in East TN, an hour north of y'all. Our water lines were busted and I'm not entirely sure what the situation surrounding it was - it was also due at least in part, to Helene - but we've been using the countertop filter from Clearly Filtered. It probably isn't the most intense filter, but it does filter a lot of chemicals, pesticides, medications and the water lacks the chlorine taste that tap water typically has. I hope this helps.
So sorry for all the devastation you have experienced. I have to say my heart became very full reading this. I am so very happy to hear how people are still capable of pulling together! xxx
There is something the military uses my parents have looked into called the life straw. Not sure how well it would serve in this situation. Praying for you and your family and community!
One of my friends did a bunch of filtration research and and found this company, Multipure, that holds more NSF certifications for removing all the stuff you listed than any other filter she could find…here’s a list of what their filter removes: https://www.multipure.com/why-multipure/what-we-remove/
On a different note, my son did an amazing water filtration week at outdoor school over the summer - they cut plastic bottles in half and set the top half upside down into the bottom half like a funnel, then layered natural materials in the funnel half to then filter some very mucky water. The water then dripped into the bottom half of the bottle and they were able to compare results with other groups and see whose water was the clearest. I thought about that lesson when I heard people were having to boil the sediment filled flood waters for lack of other water…I wish every 6-year old had spent their summer being armed with that kind of knowledge.
I am in my early 20s and would love to hear how you and Troy spoke to your daughters about dating, and later choosing a life partner. I know this is a broad question but would love your advice for someone of my age group who is single and dating. Lots of love! ❤️
I'd like to second this question as a young man in his early 20s. Especially since you're parents of daughters who are dating/married, I'd love to hear what qualities you'd love to see in a man looking to date/marry one of your own.
I’d like to hear you talk more about your faith. I know you’ve said you go to church and believe in god but I’m always curious how people gain those beliefs. I am very spiritual and I believe in a creator, in forces creator than myself, in giving thanks to the plants and animals around me, but going to church, following the bible etc is something I have a hard time understanding- why people follow the word so vehemently . I don’t want to offend anyone in this great community but I think a lot of very religious people have this attitude of being above others and that they can screw up and be a shitty person over and over and as long as they say 100 hail Mary’s then they are holy again. My feeling is that when you screw up, you make it RIGHT. That’s what you do. Maybe this is too tender a topic and I really don’t mean to offend, i am truly sorry if I do, but I want to understand and it would be great if we could all have a real true open hearted chat.
I like this question and I just wanted to add to the discussion. Hopefully I don't offend anyone. I was watching this youtube video from Lillie Kane today: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZWO3Hb-aCg. The reason I bring it up is because I like the scripture she brings up which is Jeremiah 29:11 which says: “‘For I well know the thoughts that I am thinking toward you,’ declares Jehovah, ‘thoughts of peace, and not of calamity, to give you a future and a hope." My favorite part is that she asked her uncle, what if everything in the bible is all stories and not true? And he said that it doesn't matter. Because by living like Jesus, you are striving to become a better person. I appreciate this a lot.
The reason I brought this up is because the bible and a religious community is supposed to be a motivation to do good and treat people like you would like to be treated. The bible teaches lessons on how to be honest, how to treat people with respect, how to turn the other cheek, how to be kind, good, etc. (example Gal 5: 22 & 23) Jesus is probably the best example of this but you get my point hopefully. I also think that many people who follow religion and study the bible do strive to show these qualities.
However, like with anything, a few bad apples spoil the whole barrel and they are the smelliest. I think there are always a few bad apples in every religion.
I don't want this comment to get too long, so hopefully you understand what I am getting at here. I am not a gifted writer like Tara. I am also not catholic and wasn't raised catholic just as a disclaimer I guess.
Hello 👋 I was not raised in any church but found Christ on my own. I was raised in a very hippie, free love, new age, spiritual, feminist environment and stuck with that for 20+ years. Regardless of my lifestyle being mostly outside, eating nutrient dense foods, utilizing herbs and regular exercise… I still found myself severely depressed and suicidal. I always felt spiritual and felt a great connection to nature. But it wasn’t enough. My fiancée tragically died and this really amped up the depression that always existed inside of me, regardless of my very holistic views on death.
I longed for a family and marriage, to feel peace and content in my life. I started praying to the universe, eventually hearing the name “Jesus” echoing in my mind. I fiercely rejected religion. But it was hard to deny that the only healthy long-standing marriages I witnessed were all followers of Christ. I got the inkling there was something to it and started praying openly to Jesus. My life changed radically, and for the better.
I started reading the Bible and was filled with tradition and morals that are sadly lost in society. I got baptized and kept pursing my relationship with Jesus. I am now happily married to a God fearing man and we have a marriage that so many people in our community look up to. I follow Christ and the Bible because it saved my life. And because it gives structure and meaning and boundaries to a world running on pure evil. It is the only combat for the truly evil forces of today’s world.
There is more proof that Jesus died and resurrected than any other piece of documented history known to man. He is God and the Bible is his living word. I pray you find your way back to Him 🫶🏼
I’m curious about this too! I myself grew up Catholic and continue to go to church on Sundays but as I’ve grown older and reflected on my upbringing I realized how much I was taught black and white thinking and rules based thinking about the church as well as being spiritually gaslit in high school by a youth minister. So trying to untangle all that. I believe you have mentioned you are Catholic Tara so I’m curious your thoughts on all the church rules and sacraments and how you do or don’t fit that into your life.
Hi Tara I just found out I’m pregnant. I’m with my finance who I adore however we were not necessarily planning for a child right now. We’re in our late 20s I’m just finishing school and he’s just starting his career so we’re not necessarily is the best financial situation for a child. We’re committed to making it work and staying in alignment with our morals faith and commitment to living a slower more grounded life. I know you chatted a lot about your start and your guys journey towards the life you have created together.
My question is what is your guys advise for those first few years of starting a family, living on a single lower income, raising a child, maintaining a loving and supportive relationship and of course eating good nourishing food?
I feel more nervous at this point than excited for the prospect of a child just because I am unsure of how to support our financial needs the child’s and our relationship.
Ah it will be so good to have another session of Troy & Tara joining me during night time kitchen clean up.
How would you encourage/inspire your husband to appreciate and honour your feminine perspective? I think my husband would love for me to just be more like a man.
We'll be building our home on the farm next year and I'm absolutely loving delving into all the natural building methods and materials. I highly value things like the breathability, sourcing, frequency and natural make up of the materials. While he (as a conventional builder) highly values the cost effectiveness and how quickly we can build. Those values are unfortunately placing us on opposite ends of the spectrum... and we're struggling to move forward together.
Think natural stone walls with lime plaster and lime wash vs concrete blocks with conventional plaster and "plastic" paint.
Boiled linseed oil vs "plastic" wood sealers.
Etc etc...
I get so excited about all these beautiful things that we have the opportunity to create and I think he just feels like I'm more of an inconvenience than a gift.
I appreciate that he holds the responsibility for providing for our family, and the timing of when we can move in. But I don't feel like there's a reciprocal appreciation my responsibility to cultivate a home that looks and feels beautiful.
A huge project like this is a gift to be able to discover more about one another and grow in our relationship in a way that we wouldn't otherwise have the opportunity to. But it's tough in the middle of it!
I would love to hear a bit more around how the two of you navigate decision making while honoring both of your masculine and feminine leanings and gifts/strengths that you bring to the team.
Tara! I was wondering if you could let me know where you find those lovely art pieces you fill your newsletters with. I love them and appreciate them so much. Thank you. ❤️
My husband passed away 10 years ago, leaving me with my youngest of 4 still a child. I miss him every day, but I really appreciate seeing strong marriages and relationships like yours. It somehow brings me comfort to know that the well of love is deep.
You often mention that you have a practice of reading a book out loud to your husband. I'd like to know what you are reading now, and which ones you have particularly enjoyed.
I love your talks and ibsights on marriage, life, virtues! So valuable and always amazing to listen to you guys. Thank you for sharing. I wonder how you decided on more kids. We have a 6 year old and we are thinking of another one. But basically all the people (with multiple kids) I talk to, constantly tell me how to never get more than one. Life is so much better with only one etc. I do think though, and that is what i observe too, that it works for families wirh clear boundaries, strong values and a good dynamic btw mum and dad. It seems all these things aren’t too common these days anymore. I‘d love your thoughts on this. All the best from Austria! ❤️Eva
Hi! I'd love to hear more about the conversations you had (or wish you had had) when you and Troy were first dating and starting your relationship. Were you both as clear then as you are now about what you wanted in your relationship? How much was shared out loud and openly discussed (or even debated)? I'd love to hear more about how the relationship started out for you two. How much was intentional and how much ended up being a bit of luck that you both grew into such a deep committment?
It’s seemed to me that women are often more likely to want to settle in and stick with their husband and kids, even if relations are less than ideal. I’d love to know Troy’s perspective on what it takes for guys to tough out the rough patches, to remain devoted, committed and “in love” through the years.
You've mentioned before some of the societal myths about relationships that have infiltrated our beliefs and expectations about what they should look like. I was wondering, can you name some of them and how you worked through them? Can you also name some of the things that matter most? If it matters, I'm in my early 20s!
We're in the US and obviously facing some very turbulent, and most likely unstable times ahead over the next few months. Where my family lives, we're also most likely facing a harsh winter which means possibly going without power for extended periods of time. We're farmers and have freezers full of pork & turkey we sell, and have a generator that can get us by in a pinch if we lose power; however, the looming possibility of the grid going down due to political chaos over the next few months has me looking into long term ways to preserve our meat we've worked so hard for, outside of drying it in a smoke house. I know you have a freezer full of meat as well, and am wondering what your game plan would be if you no longer had a way to keep it frozen? Any books or methodology you recommend would be appreciated as well, we're very green in this game!
I love this question! It’s been on my mind, too. I went pressure canner shopping as a result but didn’t settle on one yet as they’re pricey. There’s a recent “ancestral kitchen podcast” episode where they talk about preserving in fat which is a very old, global tradition…
As a mama of 3 girls (4,2 and 1 year next week) can you share some wisdom of maintaining the peace? I have two brothers and we’ve always been best friends (growing up in poverty helped with that - along with homeschooling, but it’s still that way). I often get stopped and given unsolicited comments on how it’s going to be terrible when they hit puberty and they are fighting constantly. Is that a thing? Currently they are very kind to one another and so sweet to the baby. We’re working on taking turns with favorite toys, but nothing crazy!
I love your family and am eternally grateful for what I’ve gleaned of your life experience through so many of your essays and T&T’s!
Thank you for sharing your way of being with us, your posts feel like abundant, fertile land in amongst the often chaotic waters of social media.
On that, I would love for you to take us through what screen time and tech use looks like practically for you as a writer on the internet. Have you found a measure of time spent online/time spent in the 'what am I going to share online' headspace vs time being immersed in the life in front of you, that you are content with?
I'm personally caught in the tension of wanting to throw my phone in the ocean and be done with it all (jks, I wouldnt do that to the unsuspecting turtles) and wanting to write and share and enjoy the fruits of global connection.
My wife and I have been dealing with a very stressful and seemingly ever present issue for over a year now. We are no different than other couples in this, challenges abound for any couple committed to each other and their family, vocation, and goals in life. How this issue has arisen and come to dominate our lives has never been in our control… we did not cause this to be, yet there it is.
The challenge for us presently is that we see the issue/ problem/ stressors differently and have “landed” at this moment in very different places in our respective relationship to this issue and how we are dealing with it. I mean that personally, how we are both dealing with it and relating to it emotionally and mentally is very different.
(We are a united front in our approach to this problem legally, (ultimately it’s a legal issue) and we both feel very good about our representation, strategy, and the direction of our case. )
In 30 years I can’t remember having such divergent an understanding and approach to an issue in our lives as this. We are generally (almost always) on the “same page”. In how we think and deal with things in our lives. That said we have also never had an issue like this to deal with, thankfully.
How do you guys approach issues that you see differently…that you “feel” differently about.. ?? Issues that in one way or another you ultimately have to be on the same page about in order to move forward together..??
Hey Tara!
I live just north of Asheville, NC where we had terrible devastation and havoc wreaked on September 27. These are the oldest mountains in the world as they used to be part of Pangea. We also hold the third oldest river in the world, older than the Nile. She runs south to north and swelled at 30ft higher than normal during Hurricane Helene. It was named a geological disaster, potentially the worst one in recorded US history. Countless people lost their homes and livelihoods. The city was without power for at least a week, and some pockets close to 2 weeks. We had no cell service for close to that amount of time, either. And the city still doesn’t have clean water, maybe for months to come. The earth was loving the break from the EMFs, she felt crystal clear the morning after the storm.
The grief and sadness comes in waves everyday. However, this community has been insanely resilient and have come together with beautiful and creative ways of helping each other out. Asheville is a mix of artists and creatives, herbalists, kayakers, backpackers, primitive skills educators, farmers, and good ol’ rural mountain folk. Pack mules were brought in to help carry insulin, supplies, mail, etc to those in homes up the mountains where road access was completely lost. People have created “tool library’s” with donated materials so people can borrow tools to rebuild. There was a “flush brigade” of people going around to folks homes who are elderly or disabled to help them flush their toilets when we had no water. A Kayaker braved the roaring river waters and kayaked to people’s houses who were flooding up to their roof and cut them out of the attic, saving countless lives. He even went back for people’s pets after he got the humans to safety.
The colors here have not been red or blue, but one big pot of purple soup. It’s been amazing to witness the hatred and unkind words toward each other disappear and people kicked into survival mode and helped their neighbor out or spoke to them for the first time ever to check in. Neighborhoods had meetings to bring their people together to ask what needs people had and who had extra things to help those in need while they were cutoff from the entire world. The beauty behind the devastation has been unreal. Death and rebirth. New life and ways of being are forming.
My main concern, and why I write you, is that the water lines to the city from the North Fork Reservoir were destroyed. The pipes were buried 25 feet down and the earth was completely wiped away in one spot, taking the water lines and the backup water lines with it. The city was completely cutoff from water for over 2 weeks. The pipes have since been rebuilt and there is “water” but we’re not supposed to even wash our hands or dishes in it unless it’s been boiled. The city is trying to clean up the turbidity of the water. They’re quoting a timeline of December, but they’re unsure if their efforts and methods of clearing the water turbidity will work. This has never happened before, so no other city has any idea how to help either. The other issue is if you have a well and it was flooded or the system breached, the water must be tested because of so many chemicals from plants that were flooded washing caustic agents all up the French Broad River as well as agricultural pesticides and whatever else they’re not telling us. So, after a long winded post, I’d like to ask what you think the best water filtration system may be in dire times like this? And do you have a preference on a water testing kit/company? We’re not only considering bacteria, but also PFAs, PFOs, etc. It’s quite a mess. The amount of plastic water bottles being used is sickening. Any information you can give would be awesome. Thank you!
We, as humans, are so resilient. My faith in humanity is being restored. It feels back to the old ways of being in community and I couldn’t be more proud of Western North Carolina.
-Michelle
Hi Michelle! We're in East TN, an hour north of y'all. Our water lines were busted and I'm not entirely sure what the situation surrounding it was - it was also due at least in part, to Helene - but we've been using the countertop filter from Clearly Filtered. It probably isn't the most intense filter, but it does filter a lot of chemicals, pesticides, medications and the water lacks the chlorine taste that tap water typically has. I hope this helps.
Wonderful, thank you! I hope you’re doing as well as you can where you are. What a wild ride!
So sorry for all the devastation you have experienced. I have to say my heart became very full reading this. I am so very happy to hear how people are still capable of pulling together! xxx
There is something the military uses my parents have looked into called the life straw. Not sure how well it would serve in this situation. Praying for you and your family and community!
One of my friends did a bunch of filtration research and and found this company, Multipure, that holds more NSF certifications for removing all the stuff you listed than any other filter she could find…here’s a list of what their filter removes: https://www.multipure.com/why-multipure/what-we-remove/
On a different note, my son did an amazing water filtration week at outdoor school over the summer - they cut plastic bottles in half and set the top half upside down into the bottom half like a funnel, then layered natural materials in the funnel half to then filter some very mucky water. The water then dripped into the bottom half of the bottle and they were able to compare results with other groups and see whose water was the clearest. I thought about that lesson when I heard people were having to boil the sediment filled flood waters for lack of other water…I wish every 6-year old had spent their summer being armed with that kind of knowledge.
I am in my early 20s and would love to hear how you and Troy spoke to your daughters about dating, and later choosing a life partner. I know this is a broad question but would love your advice for someone of my age group who is single and dating. Lots of love! ❤️
I'd like to second this question as a young man in his early 20s. Especially since you're parents of daughters who are dating/married, I'd love to hear what qualities you'd love to see in a man looking to date/marry one of your own.
I’d like to hear you talk more about your faith. I know you’ve said you go to church and believe in god but I’m always curious how people gain those beliefs. I am very spiritual and I believe in a creator, in forces creator than myself, in giving thanks to the plants and animals around me, but going to church, following the bible etc is something I have a hard time understanding- why people follow the word so vehemently . I don’t want to offend anyone in this great community but I think a lot of very religious people have this attitude of being above others and that they can screw up and be a shitty person over and over and as long as they say 100 hail Mary’s then they are holy again. My feeling is that when you screw up, you make it RIGHT. That’s what you do. Maybe this is too tender a topic and I really don’t mean to offend, i am truly sorry if I do, but I want to understand and it would be great if we could all have a real true open hearted chat.
I like this question and I just wanted to add to the discussion. Hopefully I don't offend anyone. I was watching this youtube video from Lillie Kane today: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZWO3Hb-aCg. The reason I bring it up is because I like the scripture she brings up which is Jeremiah 29:11 which says: “‘For I well know the thoughts that I am thinking toward you,’ declares Jehovah, ‘thoughts of peace, and not of calamity, to give you a future and a hope." My favorite part is that she asked her uncle, what if everything in the bible is all stories and not true? And he said that it doesn't matter. Because by living like Jesus, you are striving to become a better person. I appreciate this a lot.
The reason I brought this up is because the bible and a religious community is supposed to be a motivation to do good and treat people like you would like to be treated. The bible teaches lessons on how to be honest, how to treat people with respect, how to turn the other cheek, how to be kind, good, etc. (example Gal 5: 22 & 23) Jesus is probably the best example of this but you get my point hopefully. I also think that many people who follow religion and study the bible do strive to show these qualities.
However, like with anything, a few bad apples spoil the whole barrel and they are the smelliest. I think there are always a few bad apples in every religion.
I don't want this comment to get too long, so hopefully you understand what I am getting at here. I am not a gifted writer like Tara. I am also not catholic and wasn't raised catholic just as a disclaimer I guess.
Hello 👋 I was not raised in any church but found Christ on my own. I was raised in a very hippie, free love, new age, spiritual, feminist environment and stuck with that for 20+ years. Regardless of my lifestyle being mostly outside, eating nutrient dense foods, utilizing herbs and regular exercise… I still found myself severely depressed and suicidal. I always felt spiritual and felt a great connection to nature. But it wasn’t enough. My fiancée tragically died and this really amped up the depression that always existed inside of me, regardless of my very holistic views on death.
I longed for a family and marriage, to feel peace and content in my life. I started praying to the universe, eventually hearing the name “Jesus” echoing in my mind. I fiercely rejected religion. But it was hard to deny that the only healthy long-standing marriages I witnessed were all followers of Christ. I got the inkling there was something to it and started praying openly to Jesus. My life changed radically, and for the better.
I started reading the Bible and was filled with tradition and morals that are sadly lost in society. I got baptized and kept pursing my relationship with Jesus. I am now happily married to a God fearing man and we have a marriage that so many people in our community look up to. I follow Christ and the Bible because it saved my life. And because it gives structure and meaning and boundaries to a world running on pure evil. It is the only combat for the truly evil forces of today’s world.
There is more proof that Jesus died and resurrected than any other piece of documented history known to man. He is God and the Bible is his living word. I pray you find your way back to Him 🫶🏼
I’m curious about this too! I myself grew up Catholic and continue to go to church on Sundays but as I’ve grown older and reflected on my upbringing I realized how much I was taught black and white thinking and rules based thinking about the church as well as being spiritually gaslit in high school by a youth minister. So trying to untangle all that. I believe you have mentioned you are Catholic Tara so I’m curious your thoughts on all the church rules and sacraments and how you do or don’t fit that into your life.
Yes I was raised in a catholic school as well and I agreed. The focus was defintely on rules
* agree
Hi Tara I just found out I’m pregnant. I’m with my finance who I adore however we were not necessarily planning for a child right now. We’re in our late 20s I’m just finishing school and he’s just starting his career so we’re not necessarily is the best financial situation for a child. We’re committed to making it work and staying in alignment with our morals faith and commitment to living a slower more grounded life. I know you chatted a lot about your start and your guys journey towards the life you have created together.
My question is what is your guys advise for those first few years of starting a family, living on a single lower income, raising a child, maintaining a loving and supportive relationship and of course eating good nourishing food?
I feel more nervous at this point than excited for the prospect of a child just because I am unsure of how to support our financial needs the child’s and our relationship.
Ah it will be so good to have another session of Troy & Tara joining me during night time kitchen clean up.
How would you encourage/inspire your husband to appreciate and honour your feminine perspective? I think my husband would love for me to just be more like a man.
We'll be building our home on the farm next year and I'm absolutely loving delving into all the natural building methods and materials. I highly value things like the breathability, sourcing, frequency and natural make up of the materials. While he (as a conventional builder) highly values the cost effectiveness and how quickly we can build. Those values are unfortunately placing us on opposite ends of the spectrum... and we're struggling to move forward together.
Think natural stone walls with lime plaster and lime wash vs concrete blocks with conventional plaster and "plastic" paint.
Boiled linseed oil vs "plastic" wood sealers.
Etc etc...
I get so excited about all these beautiful things that we have the opportunity to create and I think he just feels like I'm more of an inconvenience than a gift.
I appreciate that he holds the responsibility for providing for our family, and the timing of when we can move in. But I don't feel like there's a reciprocal appreciation my responsibility to cultivate a home that looks and feels beautiful.
A huge project like this is a gift to be able to discover more about one another and grow in our relationship in a way that we wouldn't otherwise have the opportunity to. But it's tough in the middle of it!
I would love to hear a bit more around how the two of you navigate decision making while honoring both of your masculine and feminine leanings and gifts/strengths that you bring to the team.
Tara! I was wondering if you could let me know where you find those lovely art pieces you fill your newsletters with. I love them and appreciate them so much. Thank you. ❤️
I don't have a question in the traditional sense, but I would love to hear a memory from you two about one or all of your daughters.
My husband passed away 10 years ago, leaving me with my youngest of 4 still a child. I miss him every day, but I really appreciate seeing strong marriages and relationships like yours. It somehow brings me comfort to know that the well of love is deep.
You often mention that you have a practice of reading a book out loud to your husband. I'd like to know what you are reading now, and which ones you have particularly enjoyed.
Thank you. xx
So sorry for your loss, Jacqui. ♥️
I love your talks and ibsights on marriage, life, virtues! So valuable and always amazing to listen to you guys. Thank you for sharing. I wonder how you decided on more kids. We have a 6 year old and we are thinking of another one. But basically all the people (with multiple kids) I talk to, constantly tell me how to never get more than one. Life is so much better with only one etc. I do think though, and that is what i observe too, that it works for families wirh clear boundaries, strong values and a good dynamic btw mum and dad. It seems all these things aren’t too common these days anymore. I‘d love your thoughts on this. All the best from Austria! ❤️Eva
Hi! I'd love to hear more about the conversations you had (or wish you had had) when you and Troy were first dating and starting your relationship. Were you both as clear then as you are now about what you wanted in your relationship? How much was shared out loud and openly discussed (or even debated)? I'd love to hear more about how the relationship started out for you two. How much was intentional and how much ended up being a bit of luck that you both grew into such a deep committment?
It’s seemed to me that women are often more likely to want to settle in and stick with their husband and kids, even if relations are less than ideal. I’d love to know Troy’s perspective on what it takes for guys to tough out the rough patches, to remain devoted, committed and “in love” through the years.
Hi Tara! Thanks for another Q&A!
You've mentioned before some of the societal myths about relationships that have infiltrated our beliefs and expectations about what they should look like. I was wondering, can you name some of them and how you worked through them? Can you also name some of the things that matter most? If it matters, I'm in my early 20s!
Hi Tara!
We're in the US and obviously facing some very turbulent, and most likely unstable times ahead over the next few months. Where my family lives, we're also most likely facing a harsh winter which means possibly going without power for extended periods of time. We're farmers and have freezers full of pork & turkey we sell, and have a generator that can get us by in a pinch if we lose power; however, the looming possibility of the grid going down due to political chaos over the next few months has me looking into long term ways to preserve our meat we've worked so hard for, outside of drying it in a smoke house. I know you have a freezer full of meat as well, and am wondering what your game plan would be if you no longer had a way to keep it frozen? Any books or methodology you recommend would be appreciated as well, we're very green in this game!
Thank you!
I love this question! It’s been on my mind, too. I went pressure canner shopping as a result but didn’t settle on one yet as they’re pricey. There’s a recent “ancestral kitchen podcast” episode where they talk about preserving in fat which is a very old, global tradition…
As a mama of 3 girls (4,2 and 1 year next week) can you share some wisdom of maintaining the peace? I have two brothers and we’ve always been best friends (growing up in poverty helped with that - along with homeschooling, but it’s still that way). I often get stopped and given unsolicited comments on how it’s going to be terrible when they hit puberty and they are fighting constantly. Is that a thing? Currently they are very kind to one another and so sweet to the baby. We’re working on taking turns with favorite toys, but nothing crazy!
I love your family and am eternally grateful for what I’ve gleaned of your life experience through so many of your essays and T&T’s!
Ps. CANT WAIT FOR THE BOOK DETAILS!!!!!!!!!
Hi Tara,
Thank you for sharing your way of being with us, your posts feel like abundant, fertile land in amongst the often chaotic waters of social media.
On that, I would love for you to take us through what screen time and tech use looks like practically for you as a writer on the internet. Have you found a measure of time spent online/time spent in the 'what am I going to share online' headspace vs time being immersed in the life in front of you, that you are content with?
I'm personally caught in the tension of wanting to throw my phone in the ocean and be done with it all (jks, I wouldnt do that to the unsuspecting turtles) and wanting to write and share and enjoy the fruits of global connection.
Tara and Troy
My wife and I have been dealing with a very stressful and seemingly ever present issue for over a year now. We are no different than other couples in this, challenges abound for any couple committed to each other and their family, vocation, and goals in life. How this issue has arisen and come to dominate our lives has never been in our control… we did not cause this to be, yet there it is.
The challenge for us presently is that we see the issue/ problem/ stressors differently and have “landed” at this moment in very different places in our respective relationship to this issue and how we are dealing with it. I mean that personally, how we are both dealing with it and relating to it emotionally and mentally is very different.
(We are a united front in our approach to this problem legally, (ultimately it’s a legal issue) and we both feel very good about our representation, strategy, and the direction of our case. )
In 30 years I can’t remember having such divergent an understanding and approach to an issue in our lives as this. We are generally (almost always) on the “same page”. In how we think and deal with things in our lives. That said we have also never had an issue like this to deal with, thankfully.
How do you guys approach issues that you see differently…that you “feel” differently about.. ?? Issues that in one way or another you ultimately have to be on the same page about in order to move forward together..??
I hope that makes sense.