I have always appreciate how you’ve shared your family’s journey, via podcasts, here on Substack, and within the documentary that gave us a peek into you & T’s farm, hearts, and minds! It seems as though you’ve always been aligned in your big picture goals/vision for your family and lives. Was there ever a time when you were not? How did you manage to move forward while not walking the same path and eventually get on the same page? Compromise?
Alternatively, if not, I trust that it isn’t random or by chance, that you two are so aligned. ;) In this case, could you share the specifics on what practices you have in place that keep your collective vision for your family/home/lives in sync? Is it “lead by example” and the energies will transmute and inspire the other? Good ol fashioned lost art of communication? Would love to hear what you’ve learned about this sort of thing over the years.
For context, I am married to the love of my life and our hearts have been bonded since age 15. By 42, I long for him to trade his highly demanding suit-n-tie-downtown-rat-race-EXCELLENT-paying job for something that affords us more time together; to learn alongside me to produce our own food, participate in the homeschooling of our kids before they’re gone, reconnect with the land, and just log more hours together as a family. I see the damage this current arrangement does to him physically and feel deeply, a regret that we fell into the trap of our generation and those prior to us- the lie we were sold that success is a college degree, a job that robs you of all life force, and a magazine worthy house/overly scheduled kids, and only two weeks a year of vacation. It’s such a scam and I feel like HE thinks he’s too locked in to pivot in such a way now. Sadly, he is unable to see how it’s truly taking years off his life via the stress and in turn our (and kids’) time together.
Anyway, you and T have seemed so aligned on your journey as a family all these years. I’d love to hear if different priorities and visions have ever been laid in your paths…
I'm sure TT will have great messages on this. I can tell you, as the ex-corporate-nice-salary partner in the relationship (who now homeschools and giant gardens and works on a farm part time) that the switch is hard, the detox is long, and it is so so so worth it every day. Best of luck to you all in however you walk your paths.
I was going to ask the same question about alignment in a marriage. Hubby and I have been together for 29 years and the small differences in beliefs that we started with are growing larger and more troublesome specifically related to health.
Any insight on coming into agreement would be great!
My question is also in the same vain. My husband and I share a broader vision and many values however there are some things we see differently that cause fracturing. I have learned to let go of the smaller things like differences in food choices for health. But I am finding it increasingly hard to be okay with his weed habit; he feels that smoking benefits him and I just do not like it's presence in our home especially now we are parents, although I can't fully articulate the reason why.
Have you ever had to live with the tension of opposing wills in your home and how have you navigated it?
I'm a single lady but very much have a relationship question.
It's hard enough to find a decent man, a good match a solid human to hunker down with but it feels especially more so when trying to find a man who wants to live the way I do. I've had people make comments on how hard it will be to find a man who wants to go off with me to my simple secluded farmstead and live simply the way I wish to, raise littles in the way I so strongly believe and wish to.
It feels like a diamond in the rough and I've been looking for many many years and it just seems to get harder to find a good, strong, solid, steady man who wants a family and a simple, pure life away from all the noise. Sometimes it feels impossible but I choose to not give up faith and hope in it. I pray for it every day and try to live my life to welcome this in.
What advice would you give single people to find a solid man these days to partner up with for life?
As a sweet aside, I love hearing how people met, so if I've missed. yours, I would love to hear that too:)
I'm so grateful for you and this space and for all you share with us. Thank you kindly!
I read your question this morning, and it has stayed with me. I’m eager to hear Tara’s response to you, but wanted to say something from my heart to yours. I’ve been married for almost twenty years now, and remember wondering how I’d ever meet someone who was a Christian, wanted me to stay home and raise our kids and homeschool. Those were my non negotiables. At that young age I didn’t even know I would turn into a country girl learning to butcher chickens, garden and preserve food and want a small farm to grow old together on.
I’ve always thought it amazing for me to find a guy who would stay right here as I learned and tried so many new things and has been along for the ride. So when I heard your question I thought you need an easy going guy like I found. He doesn’t have to love all the natural things and want to live off the land or anything. He just has to love you, respect you, and be an easy going guy that wants you to be happy and is willing to go along with what makes you happy. My husband says he didn’t go along with anything he didn’t agree with, but I researched stuff and told him about what I learned and he thought it sounded good. Like I said he’s easy going and loves me. It’s been a great combo for us and I hope you’ll find that easy going guy too. My husband took a lot longer to come around to health stuff for his own body. But now that he’s forty, he’s suddenly taking things a lot more seriously and making really good choices for his body. So some things took longer for him to come around to lol
I wondered if you had a local hiking club or people that meet to hike, seems like that might be a place to find a guy that likes to be outdoors in nature, a good starting place. Good luck to you as you navigate these years and choices Julie, you’ll be in my prayers.
Thank you so much for this kind and hopeful message of yours. I'm so glad you found a good egg and I'm glad to hear it, it gives me hope. I agree your partner doesn't have to love all the things you do but love you and be good and true and you'll figure out the journey together. I think a hiking club or just finding spaces to be around some like minded people is a good place to start. Thank you:)
I am married, but I'm involved in an online group called The Christian Outdoor Collective that is FULL of young single people of faith! The group is on Instagram and Facebook and they are very active (planning get-togethers in every part of the US) and fast-growing. While they are not a "dating group", per se, they certainly seem to be open to the prospect of people meeting future spouses. I would highly recommend checking it out 😊
It would be interesting to hear about your relationships with extended family. Do you and Troy have any role in elder care for parents or grandparents? I know you’ve hinted before about breaking off some relationships due to differences.
I would love to know more on this as well. How do you and Troy work together to connect with family yet reinforce boundaries to protect all of your hard work. All family members on both sides of our family want to be close to use, yet continually disregard my husband's and my reminders of the careful choices we've made around the lifestyle we lead. I value each individuals ability to choose what's best for them and honor the person that they are, but I get zero respect for the effort I put forth to raise my babies the way that I choose. Most often our choices are at odds and I get responses like "we are all going to die at some point!" I have had direct confrontations, I have gently explained when asked why we only eat organic foods... most of the time they chalk it up to a careless waste of finances. I don't mind that they don't want to do any research, but many of our family events evolve around terrible food unless I host and they want to host as well. Would love to hear your thoughts!
Something I’ve been really prioritizing lately is learning how to move into my feminine “energy” so speak and away from embodying masculine energy. After two years of marriage and ongoing, repetitive conflicts, I’ve come to realize how much I have been trying to be the alpha and dominant presence in our marriage all while wishing my husband was! I’ve been standing in my own way.
My question- do you have any wisdom on leaning into our femininity and getting out of the way of our husband’s masculine leadership?
Love this question! I’m working on shifting this dynamic in my 18 year relationship. It’s challenging to change a pattern that has been in place for a long time. I’m feeling positive but look forward to Tara’s response.
How have you and Troy made time for each other in the early stages of your family, and now, that your kids are out of the house? P.S. question from my husband; what board games do you guys play?
I second this! We've got a young family and feel miles apart, some days, between work, gym, household stuff, my trying to manage some sort of self care.
What advice would you give your daughters or other young women in their 20s looking to find a strong, secure man to partner with in this day and age? Dating apps don’t feel aligned but it’s so tough to meet anyone out and about let alone anyone with value.
I have an almost 12 year old daughter, and I’d love to hear your perspective on teaching our girls how to deal with hormones and fluctuating emotions in a healthy way! How did you approach this? Specifically I’m wondering about how to scaffold her learning to being capable and in control of herself in the midst of it all. When she was young I was there to help guide her, (Or discipline her! Depending on the circumstances) 100%. But these days I’m feeling like I want to teach her how to tackle this stuff WITHOUT me, know what I mean? I want to be available but I want her to be self reliant. Nearby but not helicoptering. I’d love yours (and Troys! And your daughters) wisdom in this.
Tara, we’re you and Troy alway in sync with your approach to nutrition and health care? Considering what you had to do to deal with Lyme disease and Troy being a traditionally trained physician, did he come willing to your ways, or did he always agree with your approach decisions? If the latter, Troy I assume you had to suck it up in the ER and give people you saw what they wanted?
I’d love to hear your thoughts and wisdom as a couple on how to grieve together without resorting to blame or shutting each other out. Also, tips for navigating medical diagnoses and hospital systems with good communication, and maintaining your and your childrens’ health and rules with extended family throughout x TIA!
I’d like to ask about the dynamics of your farm planning between you guys. I know you’ve mentioned many times your lover meetings. I’m interested to hear, who is more of the farm “manager?” Who is deciding what tasks need to be done and when and who is the one constantly bringing new project ideas to the table? My husband and I also have weekly meetings, but I have definitely fallen into the role of planner and farm manager as he still has to go to work most days. I’m also the one pushing for new projects most of the time. We are aligned in our vision and husband is definitely on board but sometimes I feel discomfort at always being the pusher in the relationship.
I have a question about relationships with children as they navigate their own way in the world.
We have raised our children to eat wholesome, nutrient dense food mostly from our farm or local farms. They have never eaten at a restaurant. They know little about the junk that lines the grocery store shelves. They didn't even realize how other families ate until recently spending time at a friend's house where the parents would often bring home fast food for meals. Sweetly, they expressed their gratitude to me for feeding them nourishing meals. I'm grateful that they had that experience.
For all of their lives, not only have I fed them well, but I've also explained why we don't eat all of the junk available. I've explained the importance of nourishing our bodies with real food, local food, and specifically food from our own farm. I've explained everything about why we don't eat the 'other' stuff (from seed oils, to gmos, to sick animals, to chemicals & toxins.....). I do not compromise, allowing them to eat junk. I make every meal they eat from scratch. However, as they have gotten older, they have been experimenting with eating things that I would not 'approve' of when in social situations or at their grandparent's house. Now that they are older, saying 'no' is not as easy.
My Mama heart aches and I feel sick to my stomach when I see them try toxic 'food'. How can they not understand? Have they not heard anything I said? How could they even consider putting that into their bodies? I feel like I have failed. And honestly, I am rather hard on them after the fact with a very real conversation about their choices. I mean, surely this experimenting won't kill them, but......
At 12 and 16 years old, they are often off on their own now. They have the opportunity to make their own food choices. I am not there to guide them or say 'no'. I want them to have the opportunity to make good choices, but I want them to make good choices! Yes, kids are going to try things. Kids are going to experiment (I sure did!). How do I handle this with grace? How do I support them as they navigate the world and all of the horrible things at their fingertips? How do I support them through these choices and not make them feel bad when they make ill choices? How do I trust that they will come back around, that deep within them is a solid foundation and knowledge that will ultimately guide their life choices?
They are such incredible young humans. They have a better understanding of the world than most adults because of how we raised them. They are the warriors of the future. I don't want them to get swallowed up by the evils out their looking for such prey. I want them to remain strong in who they are and how they were raised - which can be hard b/c they have been raised so different. I get it.
How did you navigate this as parents? How do we set our littles free? How do we support them in making good life choices as they spread their wings, knowing they are going to make choices we don't agree with? How do we gently remind them of good choices without making them feel bad or having them close off from us? My initial question with this was surrounding food, but I realize it has grown into all that they will be confronted with.
Goodness, this feels like a really hard question to summarize, and also feels like a really big question. I apologize for the length and thank you so much for any insight into how you navigated this as your daughters set off on their own.
I believe you answered your own question in how do we trust that our young people will make the right decisions for themselves.
You described them as incredible young humans with a greater understanding of many things than most adults.
Well to me, this is evidence enough that they have the skills to find their way through.
A mother’s trust in their capacity is a strong thing indeed.
When you really believe in them, they feel that. Don’t doubt them.
Calmly state your views now and then, but with trust in your heart that they have their compass set to the right path.
One can only know the path when one walks to the edges and sees beyond.
Our young ones will stray but then they have the anchor of true living, and that they are loved and trusted and believed in and championed by their parents, then this is the bedrock of their futures.
My son lost his way around 16 years old.
He ate rubbish. He even took drugs at times.
At 24 his integrity and discipline is strong, his self care comes before anything else. He has been travelling in Thailand for over 6 months yet chooses to stay in rural locations, gets to meet local people, seeks out local growers, finds liver and heart and all sorts of wonderful things to nourish himself while he adventures in new lands.
We must believe in our wonderful children.
I know not all will take the oath we wish for them, and we must walk alongside them regardless, forever believing in them.
I worry about my 17 year old daughter right now, but I also know that she must forge her own way, in her own way and make her own experiences with her own meaning.
All I have now to give is trust, belief and forever an open heart to receive her without judgement, just pure love.
Wishing you and your beautiful children wellness, love and connection 🧡
This is beautiful! Thank you so much for the support and gentle reminder of how to continue to walk this path as 'Mother' with my growing children. Yes, to everything you said!
We’re considering conceiving our second child and weighing in the financial decisions as we’re both self-employed and save for my maternity leave independently of government funding. I wish having a child didn’t need to be limited by money, and it’s also a reality of provider good care for them (and me, postpartum!) alongside the many other skills and love we wish to share with this baby. Any insight around how you decided to have your girls? I know you’ve spoken about how tight money was back then for you too.
Hi Tara and Troy, thanks for sitting down again to answer questions. I value the time you take to share your experience. I wonder Tara, whether when you were at your lowest points with health and struggling, did you lose the plot, were you hard to live with? and how did you cope with that yourself, and as a couple and a family? I am feeling pretty lousy about this right now, and sympathetic to my boys. I feel like a plain nasty person when I am struggling. Especially in the middle of the difficult time health/stress wise I lose perspective and I am in trouble before I can quietly remove myself from the situation. My husband is usually suggesting I might like to take some time out before I do realise what's going on. And then I am just annoyed with him for doing it! Life does not really stop and be conveniently calm at the right time, usually the opposite!!! I find it really hard to walk away or stop working when I need to. I am used to pushing through, but it can really get me in trouble. I wondered if you had talked about it and had some strategies, or whether you just both tried to put your own ideas into practise to manage it separately. Maybe you did not have this problem! I thought Troy might share his perspective and it might be helpful for my husband if it was. On another note me and my boys had the best laugh at the black fly song, and I hear them singing it to themselves quite often. It sure sticks in your mind. Makes a change from "the gumboot song". Thanks for photos of sunshine too, we have had hardly any for going on two years now, I have almost forgotten what it is like. Thanks again,
I know from what you've said that you've raised strong girls who hold strong values and know what they believe.
How do we raise strong confident children who will ask questions and know how to stand how on their own two feet while still teaching them to obey when they need to? I think we've all seen brats of children who manipulate their parents to get their own way but also I was raised to obey unquestioningly and so did whatever I was told to my own detriment at times. As in, never questioning what q doctor said, letting people do things to me they shouldn't have.
We want to raise our daughters differently but are unsure how
I’m grateful to you sharing so much. I live in a very lyme Area and Wonder how you deal with this. I know you’ve healed yourself and i have as well and have a protocol i love with herbs and food but i worry about my kids as they aren’t so open to taking herbs ect..
Hello, dear Tara!
I have always appreciate how you’ve shared your family’s journey, via podcasts, here on Substack, and within the documentary that gave us a peek into you & T’s farm, hearts, and minds! It seems as though you’ve always been aligned in your big picture goals/vision for your family and lives. Was there ever a time when you were not? How did you manage to move forward while not walking the same path and eventually get on the same page? Compromise?
Alternatively, if not, I trust that it isn’t random or by chance, that you two are so aligned. ;) In this case, could you share the specifics on what practices you have in place that keep your collective vision for your family/home/lives in sync? Is it “lead by example” and the energies will transmute and inspire the other? Good ol fashioned lost art of communication? Would love to hear what you’ve learned about this sort of thing over the years.
For context, I am married to the love of my life and our hearts have been bonded since age 15. By 42, I long for him to trade his highly demanding suit-n-tie-downtown-rat-race-EXCELLENT-paying job for something that affords us more time together; to learn alongside me to produce our own food, participate in the homeschooling of our kids before they’re gone, reconnect with the land, and just log more hours together as a family. I see the damage this current arrangement does to him physically and feel deeply, a regret that we fell into the trap of our generation and those prior to us- the lie we were sold that success is a college degree, a job that robs you of all life force, and a magazine worthy house/overly scheduled kids, and only two weeks a year of vacation. It’s such a scam and I feel like HE thinks he’s too locked in to pivot in such a way now. Sadly, he is unable to see how it’s truly taking years off his life via the stress and in turn our (and kids’) time together.
Anyway, you and T have seemed so aligned on your journey as a family all these years. I’d love to hear if different priorities and visions have ever been laid in your paths…
God bless you!
I'm sure TT will have great messages on this. I can tell you, as the ex-corporate-nice-salary partner in the relationship (who now homeschools and giant gardens and works on a farm part time) that the switch is hard, the detox is long, and it is so so so worth it every day. Best of luck to you all in however you walk your paths.
I was going to ask the same question about alignment in a marriage. Hubby and I have been together for 29 years and the small differences in beliefs that we started with are growing larger and more troublesome specifically related to health.
Any insight on coming into agreement would be great!
My question is also in the same vain. My husband and I share a broader vision and many values however there are some things we see differently that cause fracturing. I have learned to let go of the smaller things like differences in food choices for health. But I am finding it increasingly hard to be okay with his weed habit; he feels that smoking benefits him and I just do not like it's presence in our home especially now we are parents, although I can't fully articulate the reason why.
Have you ever had to live with the tension of opposing wills in your home and how have you navigated it?
Hello dear Tara!
I'm a single lady but very much have a relationship question.
It's hard enough to find a decent man, a good match a solid human to hunker down with but it feels especially more so when trying to find a man who wants to live the way I do. I've had people make comments on how hard it will be to find a man who wants to go off with me to my simple secluded farmstead and live simply the way I wish to, raise littles in the way I so strongly believe and wish to.
It feels like a diamond in the rough and I've been looking for many many years and it just seems to get harder to find a good, strong, solid, steady man who wants a family and a simple, pure life away from all the noise. Sometimes it feels impossible but I choose to not give up faith and hope in it. I pray for it every day and try to live my life to welcome this in.
What advice would you give single people to find a solid man these days to partner up with for life?
As a sweet aside, I love hearing how people met, so if I've missed. yours, I would love to hear that too:)
I'm so grateful for you and this space and for all you share with us. Thank you kindly!
I read your question this morning, and it has stayed with me. I’m eager to hear Tara’s response to you, but wanted to say something from my heart to yours. I’ve been married for almost twenty years now, and remember wondering how I’d ever meet someone who was a Christian, wanted me to stay home and raise our kids and homeschool. Those were my non negotiables. At that young age I didn’t even know I would turn into a country girl learning to butcher chickens, garden and preserve food and want a small farm to grow old together on.
I’ve always thought it amazing for me to find a guy who would stay right here as I learned and tried so many new things and has been along for the ride. So when I heard your question I thought you need an easy going guy like I found. He doesn’t have to love all the natural things and want to live off the land or anything. He just has to love you, respect you, and be an easy going guy that wants you to be happy and is willing to go along with what makes you happy. My husband says he didn’t go along with anything he didn’t agree with, but I researched stuff and told him about what I learned and he thought it sounded good. Like I said he’s easy going and loves me. It’s been a great combo for us and I hope you’ll find that easy going guy too. My husband took a lot longer to come around to health stuff for his own body. But now that he’s forty, he’s suddenly taking things a lot more seriously and making really good choices for his body. So some things took longer for him to come around to lol
I wondered if you had a local hiking club or people that meet to hike, seems like that might be a place to find a guy that likes to be outdoors in nature, a good starting place. Good luck to you as you navigate these years and choices Julie, you’ll be in my prayers.
Hi Amy!
Thank you so much for this kind and hopeful message of yours. I'm so glad you found a good egg and I'm glad to hear it, it gives me hope. I agree your partner doesn't have to love all the things you do but love you and be good and true and you'll figure out the journey together. I think a hiking club or just finding spaces to be around some like minded people is a good place to start. Thank you:)
I am married, but I'm involved in an online group called The Christian Outdoor Collective that is FULL of young single people of faith! The group is on Instagram and Facebook and they are very active (planning get-togethers in every part of the US) and fast-growing. While they are not a "dating group", per se, they certainly seem to be open to the prospect of people meeting future spouses. I would highly recommend checking it out 😊
Hi Molly!
Thank you for sharing this with me. I will gladly check this out:)
It would be interesting to hear about your relationships with extended family. Do you and Troy have any role in elder care for parents or grandparents? I know you’ve hinted before about breaking off some relationships due to differences.
Yes, I just wrote a question in a similar vein! But specifically about in-laws with opposing lifestyle choices.
I would love to know more on this as well. How do you and Troy work together to connect with family yet reinforce boundaries to protect all of your hard work. All family members on both sides of our family want to be close to use, yet continually disregard my husband's and my reminders of the careful choices we've made around the lifestyle we lead. I value each individuals ability to choose what's best for them and honor the person that they are, but I get zero respect for the effort I put forth to raise my babies the way that I choose. Most often our choices are at odds and I get responses like "we are all going to die at some point!" I have had direct confrontations, I have gently explained when asked why we only eat organic foods... most of the time they chalk it up to a careless waste of finances. I don't mind that they don't want to do any research, but many of our family events evolve around terrible food unless I host and they want to host as well. Would love to hear your thoughts!
Love TNT chats!
Something I’ve been really prioritizing lately is learning how to move into my feminine “energy” so speak and away from embodying masculine energy. After two years of marriage and ongoing, repetitive conflicts, I’ve come to realize how much I have been trying to be the alpha and dominant presence in our marriage all while wishing my husband was! I’ve been standing in my own way.
My question- do you have any wisdom on leaning into our femininity and getting out of the way of our husband’s masculine leadership?
Love this question! I’m working on shifting this dynamic in my 18 year relationship. It’s challenging to change a pattern that has been in place for a long time. I’m feeling positive but look forward to Tara’s response.
How have you and Troy made time for each other in the early stages of your family, and now, that your kids are out of the house? P.S. question from my husband; what board games do you guys play?
I second this! We've got a young family and feel miles apart, some days, between work, gym, household stuff, my trying to manage some sort of self care.
What advice would you give your daughters or other young women in their 20s looking to find a strong, secure man to partner with in this day and age? Dating apps don’t feel aligned but it’s so tough to meet anyone out and about let alone anyone with value.
I have an almost 12 year old daughter, and I’d love to hear your perspective on teaching our girls how to deal with hormones and fluctuating emotions in a healthy way! How did you approach this? Specifically I’m wondering about how to scaffold her learning to being capable and in control of herself in the midst of it all. When she was young I was there to help guide her, (Or discipline her! Depending on the circumstances) 100%. But these days I’m feeling like I want to teach her how to tackle this stuff WITHOUT me, know what I mean? I want to be available but I want her to be self reliant. Nearby but not helicoptering. I’d love yours (and Troys! And your daughters) wisdom in this.
Tara, we’re you and Troy alway in sync with your approach to nutrition and health care? Considering what you had to do to deal with Lyme disease and Troy being a traditionally trained physician, did he come willing to your ways, or did he always agree with your approach decisions? If the latter, Troy I assume you had to suck it up in the ER and give people you saw what they wanted?
Sorry I didn’t catch the grammar errors. Autocorrect 🤨
Hi Tara,
I'd like to hear if you and Troy are aligned in beliefs about God/religion/afterlife, and if you always have been, or how that has evolved. Thank you.
I’d love to hear your thoughts and wisdom as a couple on how to grieve together without resorting to blame or shutting each other out. Also, tips for navigating medical diagnoses and hospital systems with good communication, and maintaining your and your childrens’ health and rules with extended family throughout x TIA!
I’d like to ask about the dynamics of your farm planning between you guys. I know you’ve mentioned many times your lover meetings. I’m interested to hear, who is more of the farm “manager?” Who is deciding what tasks need to be done and when and who is the one constantly bringing new project ideas to the table? My husband and I also have weekly meetings, but I have definitely fallen into the role of planner and farm manager as he still has to go to work most days. I’m also the one pushing for new projects most of the time. We are aligned in our vision and husband is definitely on board but sometimes I feel discomfort at always being the pusher in the relationship.
I very much relate to your last sentence here... I look forward to hearing Tara's response:)
I have a question about relationships with children as they navigate their own way in the world.
We have raised our children to eat wholesome, nutrient dense food mostly from our farm or local farms. They have never eaten at a restaurant. They know little about the junk that lines the grocery store shelves. They didn't even realize how other families ate until recently spending time at a friend's house where the parents would often bring home fast food for meals. Sweetly, they expressed their gratitude to me for feeding them nourishing meals. I'm grateful that they had that experience.
For all of their lives, not only have I fed them well, but I've also explained why we don't eat all of the junk available. I've explained the importance of nourishing our bodies with real food, local food, and specifically food from our own farm. I've explained everything about why we don't eat the 'other' stuff (from seed oils, to gmos, to sick animals, to chemicals & toxins.....). I do not compromise, allowing them to eat junk. I make every meal they eat from scratch. However, as they have gotten older, they have been experimenting with eating things that I would not 'approve' of when in social situations or at their grandparent's house. Now that they are older, saying 'no' is not as easy.
My Mama heart aches and I feel sick to my stomach when I see them try toxic 'food'. How can they not understand? Have they not heard anything I said? How could they even consider putting that into their bodies? I feel like I have failed. And honestly, I am rather hard on them after the fact with a very real conversation about their choices. I mean, surely this experimenting won't kill them, but......
At 12 and 16 years old, they are often off on their own now. They have the opportunity to make their own food choices. I am not there to guide them or say 'no'. I want them to have the opportunity to make good choices, but I want them to make good choices! Yes, kids are going to try things. Kids are going to experiment (I sure did!). How do I handle this with grace? How do I support them as they navigate the world and all of the horrible things at their fingertips? How do I support them through these choices and not make them feel bad when they make ill choices? How do I trust that they will come back around, that deep within them is a solid foundation and knowledge that will ultimately guide their life choices?
They are such incredible young humans. They have a better understanding of the world than most adults because of how we raised them. They are the warriors of the future. I don't want them to get swallowed up by the evils out their looking for such prey. I want them to remain strong in who they are and how they were raised - which can be hard b/c they have been raised so different. I get it.
How did you navigate this as parents? How do we set our littles free? How do we support them in making good life choices as they spread their wings, knowing they are going to make choices we don't agree with? How do we gently remind them of good choices without making them feel bad or having them close off from us? My initial question with this was surrounding food, but I realize it has grown into all that they will be confronted with.
Goodness, this feels like a really hard question to summarize, and also feels like a really big question. I apologize for the length and thank you so much for any insight into how you navigated this as your daughters set off on their own.
Dear Rosie
I believe you answered your own question in how do we trust that our young people will make the right decisions for themselves.
You described them as incredible young humans with a greater understanding of many things than most adults.
Well to me, this is evidence enough that they have the skills to find their way through.
A mother’s trust in their capacity is a strong thing indeed.
When you really believe in them, they feel that. Don’t doubt them.
Calmly state your views now and then, but with trust in your heart that they have their compass set to the right path.
One can only know the path when one walks to the edges and sees beyond.
Our young ones will stray but then they have the anchor of true living, and that they are loved and trusted and believed in and championed by their parents, then this is the bedrock of their futures.
My son lost his way around 16 years old.
He ate rubbish. He even took drugs at times.
At 24 his integrity and discipline is strong, his self care comes before anything else. He has been travelling in Thailand for over 6 months yet chooses to stay in rural locations, gets to meet local people, seeks out local growers, finds liver and heart and all sorts of wonderful things to nourish himself while he adventures in new lands.
We must believe in our wonderful children.
I know not all will take the oath we wish for them, and we must walk alongside them regardless, forever believing in them.
I worry about my 17 year old daughter right now, but I also know that she must forge her own way, in her own way and make her own experiences with her own meaning.
All I have now to give is trust, belief and forever an open heart to receive her without judgement, just pure love.
Wishing you and your beautiful children wellness, love and connection 🧡
This is beautiful! Thank you so much for the support and gentle reminder of how to continue to walk this path as 'Mother' with my growing children. Yes, to everything you said!
Hello Tara and Troy!
We’re considering conceiving our second child and weighing in the financial decisions as we’re both self-employed and save for my maternity leave independently of government funding. I wish having a child didn’t need to be limited by money, and it’s also a reality of provider good care for them (and me, postpartum!) alongside the many other skills and love we wish to share with this baby. Any insight around how you decided to have your girls? I know you’ve spoken about how tight money was back then for you too.
Hi Tara and Troy, thanks for sitting down again to answer questions. I value the time you take to share your experience. I wonder Tara, whether when you were at your lowest points with health and struggling, did you lose the plot, were you hard to live with? and how did you cope with that yourself, and as a couple and a family? I am feeling pretty lousy about this right now, and sympathetic to my boys. I feel like a plain nasty person when I am struggling. Especially in the middle of the difficult time health/stress wise I lose perspective and I am in trouble before I can quietly remove myself from the situation. My husband is usually suggesting I might like to take some time out before I do realise what's going on. And then I am just annoyed with him for doing it! Life does not really stop and be conveniently calm at the right time, usually the opposite!!! I find it really hard to walk away or stop working when I need to. I am used to pushing through, but it can really get me in trouble. I wondered if you had talked about it and had some strategies, or whether you just both tried to put your own ideas into practise to manage it separately. Maybe you did not have this problem! I thought Troy might share his perspective and it might be helpful for my husband if it was. On another note me and my boys had the best laugh at the black fly song, and I hear them singing it to themselves quite often. It sure sticks in your mind. Makes a change from "the gumboot song". Thanks for photos of sunshine too, we have had hardly any for going on two years now, I have almost forgotten what it is like. Thanks again,
I know from what you've said that you've raised strong girls who hold strong values and know what they believe.
How do we raise strong confident children who will ask questions and know how to stand how on their own two feet while still teaching them to obey when they need to? I think we've all seen brats of children who manipulate their parents to get their own way but also I was raised to obey unquestioningly and so did whatever I was told to my own detriment at times. As in, never questioning what q doctor said, letting people do things to me they shouldn't have.
We want to raise our daughters differently but are unsure how
I’m grateful to you sharing so much. I live in a very lyme Area and Wonder how you deal with this. I know you’ve healed yourself and i have as well and have a protocol i love with herbs and food but i worry about my kids as they aren’t so open to taking herbs ect..
thank you for your insight
Sincerely Carrie anne