I culled alcohol from my life 2 months ago. A series of events, none of them bad or embarrassing necessarily, though there have been plenty of those throughout my career with it, revealed to me that drinking wasn’t helping me towards any of my goals. It wasn’t helping my family financially. It wasn’t making me a better dad or husband. It wasn’t helping me achieve my health and fitness goals, nor was it helping me with my career. So after 20ish years of it playing a consistent role in my 39 years I stopped.
What an achievement, especially after it having been such a long running part of your life. I'm curious, what kind of stuff came in when the alcohol went out?
Clear and crisp thinking, way more time in my days, less frustrations and heated arguments, more patience, more feeling of control in my life, ice cream.
"The last two years have served to blow away the chaff and expose many of our relationships in a way that’s easy to gloss over when hardship is absent. So many of us have gone through incredible challenges and eye-opening revelations. Of course, having difficulties in a relationship doesn’t mean we through them away. Difficulties allow us to expand and grow. However, there are also relationships that leave the realm of “challenging” and cross into firm “destructive” territory. For us, there’s always room for dissent and different opinions and beliefs, but when that turns into disrespect and hostility with an unwillingness for the other to find common ground, there is nowhere to go. We have ended relationships in these types of scenarios. Never without attempted efforts at resolution, but always with an eye on the effects of such interactions on our health, peace of mind, and lives in general."
I was thinking about this yesterday and wondering, are we just supposed to forgive for they know not what they have done? After replaying all the scenarios in my head, I determined I would just move on. We tried reconciling many times over two years. For my sanity and safety, what is culled is culled.
It was in my twenties that I heard "When you want out of a relationship you have to earn your way out." That stuck with me to this day. It means that we give it our effort, nobody should be disposable, and nobody ever is, but there might come a time, or many times, in our lives where we have to let relationships go. That quote reminds me that we can't do so without effort, but when it's time to say goodbye, we should do so. Not with hatred and spite, but with good wishes and gratitude for their time in our lives and a clear and hopeful (and peaceful) new chapter for all.
What are you cultivating for your tomorrow with the decisions your making today?
Im knee deep in babies and toddlers. Im cultivating the freedom for them to be true to themselves as well as my own freedom to be true to myself. Today I choose to see the abundance of the as is and step into the present.
Beautiful, Josee. I would love to be knee deep in babies and toddlers again. But it's tough, and your work is received with great adoration and respect from all of the humans of this planet (whether they know it or not). xo
Oh Tara, this was so good and so on time for me. Personally I’ve been working really hard to cull attitudes and thoughts that I know are not serving me or my family. I am a mom to a little firecracker almost 3 year old and have found myself resenting this season for how hard it is instead of being grateful for how it is growing me, and being patient with him as he grows into the incredible human I know he will be. I am actively working on gratitude and contentment in where we are until we can get out of the city and onto a homestead or mini farm(we thought we found our place recently and then the housing market changed drastically so it’s not working out). I am choosing peace and joy over fear of where this crazy world is headed. And relationships...whew! We are about to have some hard and necessary conversations that may cull some relationships that are hurting us. Not easy, but necessary for the health of our little family.
Thank you for being one of the best things about my Wednesday mornings Tara. ☺️
Oh, thank you, Krystal. I hear every word of this. It's so common to hear from people right now that there are relationships in their lives that have been "clarified" over the last two years. We can't unsee what we've seen. May more peace flood in where angst runs out. xo
I agree with Willisa - very timely for me personally. And Tara, again I say that I am thankful that you share your gift of prose with us and the sharing of life and living behind your words.
I am in such awe and am so grateful for your thoughtful and beautiful writing. In these current times, we have all culled and been culled, haven’t we? You hit this one out of the ball park.
I've been sitting on this for months now....is dropping a line still available? Fellow military wife and unschooling mom of 2. I normally would not ask for help, but honestly I can't help myself. What I have learned from following your words has already been applied to myself and my family daily. Thank you.
Really good and very inspiring Tara. Hope you don't mind that I shared your post with my readers and wrote about your ideas. Truly universally important.
Expedited 5 year plan (about 3.5 left to go!) to get out of corporate America and, instead, work with clients on healing using diet and lifestyle (me), and full time farming (him/us). 😁 Cannot wait!! That means finishing a website. That means grinding harder today to pad a little for tomorrow. That means putting ourselves out there. 😬
We have an urban “farm” and on it, four laying hens. The favored, beloved, most intelligent and curious of the four may have had a partially prolapsed uterus a few days ago. Our daughter was the sole observer, and though she is young and new to chickens, she is an astute observer and wise. The chicken righted herself unassisted, thankfully, but it sparked a conversation within our family about the kindness of culling. A conversation further introducing tough decisions that involve doing the hardest thing for one’s own feelings in order to give kindness and peace to another life.
I know that the day will come and the tears and wails of a bereft heart will accompany the day. And I know that I will choose to not let it stop me - be there the wails in my ears or the ones in my own mind.
What a gift to be able to have such meaningful conversations in your home. Most never will. These beautiful animals bring so much understanding and depth to our lives.
Oh, and I'm so glad you picked up on "brashy"! I loved that word too and I see that my autocorrect thinks it's not even real. Ha! Get out of my words, autocorrect!
And after years of wrestling with my phone to type “two” instead of “Terri” (and I don’t even know a Terri), I’ve found the toggle button to turn off auto-correct. Tiny little freedoms feel good.
Oof. This essay hit hard in several different ways...I'm not good at culling. Never really have been. (I'm better at gathering and then sitting on things until they are needed) But it's something that needs to be done, so I ought to press in and embrace the discomfort that comes along with it.
I read this essay as a devotional, as your wise words inspired me to to talk some things through with the spark of God which dwells within my heart. I’m entering a new season, a new chapter, and I’m being called to cull as a means to grow. The calling is quite insistent, and I, resistant. I’ve never been one to take the easy road, but this season of culling comes with a particular brand of gravitas. One decision at a time, always with forward momentum. Thank you for your words and the weight of truth in them. You are truly gifted.
Love this Tara thank you so much for putting it so eloquently. Currently we are finishing off the renovations on our current home to sell up, cash in and move countries to give our three daughters a better trajectory, one where my husband and I don’t have to work for others and can live more of the land then we have been. Culling the mainstream and simplifying life. Most importantly to be there every step of the way with our girls immersed in nature and her force in a way that feels like a returning.
This was very thought-provoking and timely, as I had just listened to Andrew Huberman’s podcast on alcohol. It really made me think about it quite deeply. I have decided to cull the habit of having a drink several times a week. I’m curious to see how I will feel in a few months - will my tomorrows be noticeably different as they pertain to my sleep, and overall health? Hmmm…I wonder and wait with anticipation.
I culled alcohol from my life 2 months ago. A series of events, none of them bad or embarrassing necessarily, though there have been plenty of those throughout my career with it, revealed to me that drinking wasn’t helping me towards any of my goals. It wasn’t helping my family financially. It wasn’t making me a better dad or husband. It wasn’t helping me achieve my health and fitness goals, nor was it helping me with my career. So after 20ish years of it playing a consistent role in my 39 years I stopped.
What an achievement, especially after it having been such a long running part of your life. I'm curious, what kind of stuff came in when the alcohol went out?
Clear and crisp thinking, way more time in my days, less frustrations and heated arguments, more patience, more feeling of control in my life, ice cream.
Joyous! So happy for you, truly!
Thanks. My wife and I love your work here.
All of this!!! Your words right here!!!
"The last two years have served to blow away the chaff and expose many of our relationships in a way that’s easy to gloss over when hardship is absent. So many of us have gone through incredible challenges and eye-opening revelations. Of course, having difficulties in a relationship doesn’t mean we through them away. Difficulties allow us to expand and grow. However, there are also relationships that leave the realm of “challenging” and cross into firm “destructive” territory. For us, there’s always room for dissent and different opinions and beliefs, but when that turns into disrespect and hostility with an unwillingness for the other to find common ground, there is nowhere to go. We have ended relationships in these types of scenarios. Never without attempted efforts at resolution, but always with an eye on the effects of such interactions on our health, peace of mind, and lives in general."
I was thinking about this yesterday and wondering, are we just supposed to forgive for they know not what they have done? After replaying all the scenarios in my head, I determined I would just move on. We tried reconciling many times over two years. For my sanity and safety, what is culled is culled.
It was in my twenties that I heard "When you want out of a relationship you have to earn your way out." That stuck with me to this day. It means that we give it our effort, nobody should be disposable, and nobody ever is, but there might come a time, or many times, in our lives where we have to let relationships go. That quote reminds me that we can't do so without effort, but when it's time to say goodbye, we should do so. Not with hatred and spite, but with good wishes and gratitude for their time in our lives and a clear and hopeful (and peaceful) new chapter for all.
What are you cultivating for your tomorrow with the decisions your making today?
Im knee deep in babies and toddlers. Im cultivating the freedom for them to be true to themselves as well as my own freedom to be true to myself. Today I choose to see the abundance of the as is and step into the present.
Beautiful, Josee. I would love to be knee deep in babies and toddlers again. But it's tough, and your work is received with great adoration and respect from all of the humans of this planet (whether they know it or not). xo
Love this. Trying to focus on the abundance I have too.
Oh Tara, this was so good and so on time for me. Personally I’ve been working really hard to cull attitudes and thoughts that I know are not serving me or my family. I am a mom to a little firecracker almost 3 year old and have found myself resenting this season for how hard it is instead of being grateful for how it is growing me, and being patient with him as he grows into the incredible human I know he will be. I am actively working on gratitude and contentment in where we are until we can get out of the city and onto a homestead or mini farm(we thought we found our place recently and then the housing market changed drastically so it’s not working out). I am choosing peace and joy over fear of where this crazy world is headed. And relationships...whew! We are about to have some hard and necessary conversations that may cull some relationships that are hurting us. Not easy, but necessary for the health of our little family.
Thank you for being one of the best things about my Wednesday mornings Tara. ☺️
Oh, thank you, Krystal. I hear every word of this. It's so common to hear from people right now that there are relationships in their lives that have been "clarified" over the last two years. We can't unsee what we've seen. May more peace flood in where angst runs out. xo
I agree with Willisa - very timely for me personally. And Tara, again I say that I am thankful that you share your gift of prose with us and the sharing of life and living behind your words.
Thank you so much, Guy. I suppose it's timely for all of us most of the time. Me, too.
I am in such awe and am so grateful for your thoughtful and beautiful writing. In these current times, we have all culled and been culled, haven’t we? You hit this one out of the ball park.
On and on and on. We sure have. Great point.
I've been sitting on this for months now....is dropping a line still available? Fellow military wife and unschooling mom of 2. I normally would not ask for help, but honestly I can't help myself. What I have learned from following your words has already been applied to myself and my family daily. Thank you.
Thank you, Montanyalee. Not quite sure what you mean by dropping a line?
Beautifully said. You are a blessing and your words are very timely and always cause me to pause and take inventory of my own life. Thank you.
Thank you, Willisa.
Really good and very inspiring Tara. Hope you don't mind that I shared your post with my readers and wrote about your ideas. Truly universally important.
Thank you, that's very flattering.
No, thank you!
Expedited 5 year plan (about 3.5 left to go!) to get out of corporate America and, instead, work with clients on healing using diet and lifestyle (me), and full time farming (him/us). 😁 Cannot wait!! That means finishing a website. That means grinding harder today to pad a little for tomorrow. That means putting ourselves out there. 😬
Worth it. All of it.
It most definitely is. What a wonderful path you are on.
We have an urban “farm” and on it, four laying hens. The favored, beloved, most intelligent and curious of the four may have had a partially prolapsed uterus a few days ago. Our daughter was the sole observer, and though she is young and new to chickens, she is an astute observer and wise. The chicken righted herself unassisted, thankfully, but it sparked a conversation within our family about the kindness of culling. A conversation further introducing tough decisions that involve doing the hardest thing for one’s own feelings in order to give kindness and peace to another life.
I know that the day will come and the tears and wails of a bereft heart will accompany the day. And I know that I will choose to not let it stop me - be there the wails in my ears or the ones in my own mind.
Also, I love the idea of timber being “brashy.”
What a gift to be able to have such meaningful conversations in your home. Most never will. These beautiful animals bring so much understanding and depth to our lives.
Oh, and I'm so glad you picked up on "brashy"! I loved that word too and I see that my autocorrect thinks it's not even real. Ha! Get out of my words, autocorrect!
And after years of wrestling with my phone to type “two” instead of “Terri” (and I don’t even know a Terri), I’ve found the toggle button to turn off auto-correct. Tiny little freedoms feel good.
The art in this post!
Oof. This essay hit hard in several different ways...I'm not good at culling. Never really have been. (I'm better at gathering and then sitting on things until they are needed) But it's something that needs to be done, so I ought to press in and embrace the discomfort that comes along with it.
Yes, I think so, Molly. Amazing what moves in when the stuff that doesn't serve us moves along.
I read this essay as a devotional, as your wise words inspired me to to talk some things through with the spark of God which dwells within my heart. I’m entering a new season, a new chapter, and I’m being called to cull as a means to grow. The calling is quite insistent, and I, resistant. I’ve never been one to take the easy road, but this season of culling comes with a particular brand of gravitas. One decision at a time, always with forward momentum. Thank you for your words and the weight of truth in them. You are truly gifted.
Love this Tara thank you so much for putting it so eloquently. Currently we are finishing off the renovations on our current home to sell up, cash in and move countries to give our three daughters a better trajectory, one where my husband and I don’t have to work for others and can live more of the land then we have been. Culling the mainstream and simplifying life. Most importantly to be there every step of the way with our girls immersed in nature and her force in a way that feels like a returning.
This was very thought-provoking and timely, as I had just listened to Andrew Huberman’s podcast on alcohol. It really made me think about it quite deeply. I have decided to cull the habit of having a drink several times a week. I’m curious to see how I will feel in a few months - will my tomorrows be noticeably different as they pertain to my sleep, and overall health? Hmmm…I wonder and wait with anticipation.