My deepest condolences for the mother and family of the friend of your Mila...and peace and comfort and hugs to you as you move through your own grief. I have a cherished t-shirt a coworker had made for me when I moved from Atlanta, GA to a small farm in Missouri some 8 years ago. It reads on the front, "I'm a hugger", and it has my name on the back in all caps. I guess that pretty much sums it up...
Thank you, Melissa. And I love that someone had a shirt like that made for you. What a wonderful thing to see in someone else and what a wonderful thing to be. ❤️
So beautiful Tara ❤️ it made me smile and tear up. I also love a good hug. Hoping people feel the love through my hugs. I always try to hug my children until they let go first. I read that somewhere and how nice it is to hold them until their cup is filled in that moment.
Oh Tara, this essay just made me want to go hug everyone I love real tight. So thankful to read this today. I also remember very specific hugs I’ve had with others and have always felt hugs as beautiful and one of my favorite forms of showing love.
A few years ago I started to hug my grandmother real tight and tell her I love her when I’d leave her house after a visit. I’m not sure why but she was never someone who gave hugs and no one on that side of my extended family really gives hugs or even says I love you. They all seem to make things like that so uncomfortable. But now my grandmother sometimes even beats me to it and gives me a hug before I can give her one. She never has said anything about it but I can just tell by the way we embrace that she is so thankful I started to give her hugs, even if she acted uncomfortable the first time I did so. It’s such a simple but yet special way to show love and I’ve never thought about the fact how surprising it is that its survived our culture, but that’s so dang true.
Thank you Tara for this essay, I hope to give you a big long hug some day to thank you for all you share here, all the inspiration and advice you’ve given me, and for all the times I’ve felt like you put my thoughts into words that I never could!
Grace, I just love this. You reminded me of a time when I was younger and I asked my mom why she didn't say "I love you" to her mom (my "Bapka"). She said they didn't say that growing up, that she supposed mothers and fathers then just showed their love from doing things. I felt sad that nobody said "I love you" to my Bapka so I decided I would do it. I still remember how her face lit up and she said "I love you" in her heavy slavic accent. From then on, we always told each other we loved each other when we hugged and I even started hearing my mom say it. It was like a dam was broken and suddenly, we could stop reigning in the things we wished we could say or do.
It makes me a little teary eyed reading about how you held your grandmother that first time and how, ever after, it became something the two of you could share. How kind of you and what that must have meant to her. And yes, would you please hold that hug until the fateful day when we might meet each other? If that does come to pass, I would love that big, long hug with all of the days of interest it might accrue.
Tara, I love this post so much. Especially learning of your hug from Mila. I, too received a hug from my deceased son Seymour not long after he passed and it was just like you and your sister's experience. I was hugging my oldest son, Jasper (who at the time was 4 1/2) And between my heart and Jasper's, within our sincere embrace, I felt Seymour. I felt his unique love, and it was truly heaven sent. I always attributed this magic to Jasper having an open & pure child's heart that ushered forth this sacred (and healing) moment- but now, after hearing that you and your sister experienced this with Mila, I feel compelled to believe, that the mysterious mechanics of a truly held embrace - can bridge us with the Divine and our dearly departed loved ones. Thank you for inspiring me to hug with more presence.
Oh, Emily, this makes me misty. I am touched that you shared this story with me. I wholeheartedly believe that there is something beyond our comprehension that does, truly, bridge our souls to our beloveds when we come together with such open vulnerability and pure, transcendent love. What else could be the language of our spiritual homes?
I just adore this essay on hugs. I’ve never read a write up on them before. Touch is my love language and I am always up for a good, meaningful hug.
My daughter-in-law lost her mother when she was a young girl. Her father didn’t really do hugs or show love through embraces. When she came into our lives, she was surprised at all of the hugging we do with each other and more so when we opened our arms to include her. She ended up loving the hugs and now is the first one in line to give me one when she and my son head back home after a visit. And she’s a good hugger, too. Nice and tight and lingering.
Well, this just touches the cockles of my heart. How lovely that you've been able to connect with your daughter-in-law in this way. And I love that she's melted into her hugs with you. Ahhh... the power of a good hug!
I have been thinking of this the last months too. Many good hugs I remember but also coming out of a culture where hugs are not common, I have been trying to prioritize them in my home. Long hugs when my husband and children come home.
I also remember one hug I received that was sexual in all the wrong ways by the wrong person and the amount of devastation and layers I've worked through in finding healing for that. Good healthy hugs especially from my husband have been so helpful in that.
Thank you for sharing your precious memories of your daughter ❤️
It's beautiful that you're creating a culture in your own home that was absent in your childhood one. I don't know that I come by giving hugs and compliments naturally but I know how good they feel so I want to give those things to my children and husband. And I can see how affectionate and physically connected they all are naturally so I hope that I had something to do with that. :)
Hugs are the most wonderful gift to give and receive.
And the hugs from those who have journeyed ahead...
Those are magical.
I've had one from my Jake since he left. He was one of those really great huggers. I shall never forget how very real it felt. It was exactly as you have described and it has brought me rushing back to how it felt.
Hello. I love you. I'm sorry. I miss you. Congratulations. My sympathies. So many messages sent with a hug; an embrace that speaks volumes. 💛
I had a dream a week or so ago in which my mother in law came to me, looking beautiful and healthy, and we had the most real and profound hug. I love this essay. Unguarded love really is the best way to live. Been working on that, I have a lot of deprogramming to do.
What a beautiful dream. We all have a lot of deprogramming to do - the very work of our lives. I sometimes feel like a big clumsy rock that I'm constantly chipping away at, trying to find out what's beneath the layers of clay slapped all over me from my schools and teachers and media and careless people and... everything. It's kind of cool to find out new things about ourselves as we go. :)
That is the perfect comparison. There is so much junk to be removed to begin truly shaping ourselves into something beautiful and useful! It's quite the work.
Mm this essay feels cozy and warm like its subject! I think the most memorable hug for me was the moment my now-husband fell in love with me. I didn’t even really notice him back then but I was crying as I prepared to leave a year-long missions trip where I met him and many other dear friends and everyone was hugging me…and then HE hugged me. And it stopped us both in our tracks. Long and tight and safe and everything I never knew I needed. Something deep changed in that moment and I sure noticed him after that! That was 14 years ago and I will cherish that hug in my soul long after my physical body has returned to dust 🩷
Once again you have inspired me, break family patterns, and become a hugger! The older I get the more comfortable I am becoming being the odd one out. And oh to be the “odd one” who hugs and loves and cooks nourishing meals and giggles and twirls around in a well made sundress? I’ll take it. Thank you Tara as always!
Beautiful, just beautiful. We never hugged well in my family of origin and I’m trying to change that with my children. I will remember my mother’s hugs ONLY because of how absurd they are-a cold swift pat on the back. It kind of tells you everything you need to know about my mothers temperament lol
Ha! It really does! I remember one of my husband's brothers hugged with this weird bump into the shoulder with his shoulder so you'd kind of be sideways and then he's throw his arm to your mid-back, give it a slap and run for the hills. It was quite a maneuver! But yes, you're right, it makes me sad when I see people so uncomfortable with even that small amount of intimacy. It's wonderful that you're working on changing that with your family. Those things didn't come naturally to me either and it's something I've had to concentrate on with my kids and husband. Now I love it, but still, it's never as natural to me as it is to them. My girls are always hugging each other and tangled up with each other. It's so nice to see them like that. 💕
As I sit here thinking about this post, one thing struck me - that you were in the present enough to stop and investigate the word embrace. I’m not sure I would have stopped; I might have noted it as interesting and then gone on my way finishing the book. Thank you for this lovely essay. I do love hearing you talk about Mila and your family.❤️
I like that you picked that up, Maya. :) I had been thinking about hugs before I read that part in the book. As it often goes, I like to stew on things for awhile and then I wait for a sign that what I'm thinking about is worth writing about. So, reading about embrace as a measure seemed a good enough sign for me. Thank you for saying that you like hearing about me talking about Mila and my family. I sometimes feel like I should be cautious about talking about those things too much so that feels quite nice to receive.
My deepest condolences for the mother and family of the friend of your Mila...and peace and comfort and hugs to you as you move through your own grief. I have a cherished t-shirt a coworker had made for me when I moved from Atlanta, GA to a small farm in Missouri some 8 years ago. It reads on the front, "I'm a hugger", and it has my name on the back in all caps. I guess that pretty much sums it up...
Thank you, Melissa. And I love that someone had a shirt like that made for you. What a wonderful thing to see in someone else and what a wonderful thing to be. ❤️
So beautiful Tara ❤️ it made me smile and tear up. I also love a good hug. Hoping people feel the love through my hugs. I always try to hug my children until they let go first. I read that somewhere and how nice it is to hold them until their cup is filled in that moment.
Yup, Fran. You do the same for your papa! Xoxoxo
Ah merci Papa! 🥰 xoxoxo
🥰🫠 so heartwarming..
That's beautiful, Françoise. I never thought about holding them until they let go first. I'm going to now. Thank you for such a precious little gift.
I do the same Francoise, hold my children until they let go first. Although it seems my oldest never let’s go 🥰. Yes so beautiful Tara.
Oh Tara, this essay just made me want to go hug everyone I love real tight. So thankful to read this today. I also remember very specific hugs I’ve had with others and have always felt hugs as beautiful and one of my favorite forms of showing love.
A few years ago I started to hug my grandmother real tight and tell her I love her when I’d leave her house after a visit. I’m not sure why but she was never someone who gave hugs and no one on that side of my extended family really gives hugs or even says I love you. They all seem to make things like that so uncomfortable. But now my grandmother sometimes even beats me to it and gives me a hug before I can give her one. She never has said anything about it but I can just tell by the way we embrace that she is so thankful I started to give her hugs, even if she acted uncomfortable the first time I did so. It’s such a simple but yet special way to show love and I’ve never thought about the fact how surprising it is that its survived our culture, but that’s so dang true.
Thank you Tara for this essay, I hope to give you a big long hug some day to thank you for all you share here, all the inspiration and advice you’ve given me, and for all the times I’ve felt like you put my thoughts into words that I never could!
Grace, I just love this. You reminded me of a time when I was younger and I asked my mom why she didn't say "I love you" to her mom (my "Bapka"). She said they didn't say that growing up, that she supposed mothers and fathers then just showed their love from doing things. I felt sad that nobody said "I love you" to my Bapka so I decided I would do it. I still remember how her face lit up and she said "I love you" in her heavy slavic accent. From then on, we always told each other we loved each other when we hugged and I even started hearing my mom say it. It was like a dam was broken and suddenly, we could stop reigning in the things we wished we could say or do.
It makes me a little teary eyed reading about how you held your grandmother that first time and how, ever after, it became something the two of you could share. How kind of you and what that must have meant to her. And yes, would you please hold that hug until the fateful day when we might meet each other? If that does come to pass, I would love that big, long hug with all of the days of interest it might accrue.
Tara, I love this post so much. Especially learning of your hug from Mila. I, too received a hug from my deceased son Seymour not long after he passed and it was just like you and your sister's experience. I was hugging my oldest son, Jasper (who at the time was 4 1/2) And between my heart and Jasper's, within our sincere embrace, I felt Seymour. I felt his unique love, and it was truly heaven sent. I always attributed this magic to Jasper having an open & pure child's heart that ushered forth this sacred (and healing) moment- but now, after hearing that you and your sister experienced this with Mila, I feel compelled to believe, that the mysterious mechanics of a truly held embrace - can bridge us with the Divine and our dearly departed loved ones. Thank you for inspiring me to hug with more presence.
Oh, Emily, this makes me misty. I am touched that you shared this story with me. I wholeheartedly believe that there is something beyond our comprehension that does, truly, bridge our souls to our beloveds when we come together with such open vulnerability and pure, transcendent love. What else could be the language of our spiritual homes?
I just adore this essay on hugs. I’ve never read a write up on them before. Touch is my love language and I am always up for a good, meaningful hug.
My daughter-in-law lost her mother when she was a young girl. Her father didn’t really do hugs or show love through embraces. When she came into our lives, she was surprised at all of the hugging we do with each other and more so when we opened our arms to include her. She ended up loving the hugs and now is the first one in line to give me one when she and my son head back home after a visit. And she’s a good hugger, too. Nice and tight and lingering.
Well, this just touches the cockles of my heart. How lovely that you've been able to connect with your daughter-in-law in this way. And I love that she's melted into her hugs with you. Ahhh... the power of a good hug!
I have been thinking of this the last months too. Many good hugs I remember but also coming out of a culture where hugs are not common, I have been trying to prioritize them in my home. Long hugs when my husband and children come home.
I also remember one hug I received that was sexual in all the wrong ways by the wrong person and the amount of devastation and layers I've worked through in finding healing for that. Good healthy hugs especially from my husband have been so helpful in that.
Thank you for sharing your precious memories of your daughter ❤️
It's beautiful that you're creating a culture in your own home that was absent in your childhood one. I don't know that I come by giving hugs and compliments naturally but I know how good they feel so I want to give those things to my children and husband. And I can see how affectionate and physically connected they all are naturally so I hope that I had something to do with that. :)
Hugs are the most wonderful gift to give and receive.
And the hugs from those who have journeyed ahead...
Those are magical.
I've had one from my Jake since he left. He was one of those really great huggers. I shall never forget how very real it felt. It was exactly as you have described and it has brought me rushing back to how it felt.
Hello. I love you. I'm sorry. I miss you. Congratulations. My sympathies. So many messages sent with a hug; an embrace that speaks volumes. 💛
The grand hug of unification yet to come. ❤️
I had a dream a week or so ago in which my mother in law came to me, looking beautiful and healthy, and we had the most real and profound hug. I love this essay. Unguarded love really is the best way to live. Been working on that, I have a lot of deprogramming to do.
What a beautiful dream. We all have a lot of deprogramming to do - the very work of our lives. I sometimes feel like a big clumsy rock that I'm constantly chipping away at, trying to find out what's beneath the layers of clay slapped all over me from my schools and teachers and media and careless people and... everything. It's kind of cool to find out new things about ourselves as we go. :)
That is the perfect comparison. There is so much junk to be removed to begin truly shaping ourselves into something beautiful and useful! It's quite the work.
So good- from beginning to end. You are a gift to me. Thank you. Bless you.
Thank you so much, Janene. What a lovely thing to receive from you. ❤️
Thank-you so much Tara for sharing this with us. You write with a guided hand, for sure!
I love real hugs 🤗
Me, too! Thank you so much, Claude.
This is such a moving essay.. thank you. Can you tell me what you know about the painting or Icon of the man hugging the Saint at the top?
Thank you, Dee. Yes, it's a beautifully evocative image isn't it? It was painted by Diego Rivera in 1923. It's entitled "The Embrace".
Mm this essay feels cozy and warm like its subject! I think the most memorable hug for me was the moment my now-husband fell in love with me. I didn’t even really notice him back then but I was crying as I prepared to leave a year-long missions trip where I met him and many other dear friends and everyone was hugging me…and then HE hugged me. And it stopped us both in our tracks. Long and tight and safe and everything I never knew I needed. Something deep changed in that moment and I sure noticed him after that! That was 14 years ago and I will cherish that hug in my soul long after my physical body has returned to dust 🩷
Oh, Heather, that gave me goosebumps! Thank you for sharing that hug with me! I feel like I just got one myself! :)
Once again you have inspired me, break family patterns, and become a hugger! The older I get the more comfortable I am becoming being the odd one out. And oh to be the “odd one” who hugs and loves and cooks nourishing meals and giggles and twirls around in a well made sundress? I’ll take it. Thank you Tara as always!
Hurray! I'm right there with you, Aubree. We'll celebrate the oddballs with more hugs! :)
Beautiful, just beautiful. We never hugged well in my family of origin and I’m trying to change that with my children. I will remember my mother’s hugs ONLY because of how absurd they are-a cold swift pat on the back. It kind of tells you everything you need to know about my mothers temperament lol
Ha! It really does! I remember one of my husband's brothers hugged with this weird bump into the shoulder with his shoulder so you'd kind of be sideways and then he's throw his arm to your mid-back, give it a slap and run for the hills. It was quite a maneuver! But yes, you're right, it makes me sad when I see people so uncomfortable with even that small amount of intimacy. It's wonderful that you're working on changing that with your family. Those things didn't come naturally to me either and it's something I've had to concentrate on with my kids and husband. Now I love it, but still, it's never as natural to me as it is to them. My girls are always hugging each other and tangled up with each other. It's so nice to see them like that. 💕
Oh my heart! Thank you for writing this Tara ❤️
Thank you, Holly :)
As I sit here thinking about this post, one thing struck me - that you were in the present enough to stop and investigate the word embrace. I’m not sure I would have stopped; I might have noted it as interesting and then gone on my way finishing the book. Thank you for this lovely essay. I do love hearing you talk about Mila and your family.❤️
I like that you picked that up, Maya. :) I had been thinking about hugs before I read that part in the book. As it often goes, I like to stew on things for awhile and then I wait for a sign that what I'm thinking about is worth writing about. So, reading about embrace as a measure seemed a good enough sign for me. Thank you for saying that you like hearing about me talking about Mila and my family. I sometimes feel like I should be cautious about talking about those things too much so that feels quite nice to receive.