Tara, your description of this sacred event and the thoughts and feelings you experience are very true to us. From the anxious knots in the stomach to the prayers to the celebration!
I was born in '53, and grew up hunting many small critters in my backyard, which was woody & swampy. I never gave it a second thought, although the largest animal I ever killed was a duck.
Fast-forward to 2020. Several months into "the pandemic," I got my first-ever big game animal -- a female deer, on friends' private land. Same thing in 2021. I drew tags this upcoming season(s) for a buck & a cow (female elk).
It took me all these years to literally & figuratively "pull the trigger," on hunting for some meat.
I still see vividly the death of the deer, of the last two seasons. It is a bittersweet "vision." Sometimes, I am in bed and about to hopefully sleep, and I replay mentally the last few seconds of each of their deaths.
I do not know why this happens to me. I can only guess that, in the decades since I left my boyhood wild life of outdoor adventures, the sanctity and reverence for life itself, if I allow it to be present within me, speaks to me in words I have yet to comprehend, and can only FEEL vaguely, deep down, as a gratifying (for Nature, as she provides for me) yet sad feeling, simultaneously...
This is such a beautiful testament to your humanity and your connection and understanding of the preciousness of life, Steve. I still see those last few moments of the lives of animals I have taken, too. Troy said it goes with him as well. Maybe not having that sadness is the problem. Maybe allowing that sadness to stop you from participating in hunting for/raising and butchering these animals is the problem too. Thank you so much for your comment. Best to you in Colorado.
Yes, indeed! I now approach each hunting season with quite a mix of emotions, some of which conflict with each other. Even up until the vary last moment I have to change my mind (when I am on target, in my scope), all of those feelings race through my mind wily nilly.
Perhaps it is because my philosophy/world-view/religious views remind me that it is the very same life that courses through and animates ALL life, from the mosquito, to the elephant, to the sea slug and in all of us humans!
I want to just leave it there but I read something wonderful from a class assignment the other day that I’d like to share. This is from The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell. “The essence of life is this eating of itself! Life lives on lives, and the reconciliation of the human mind and sensibilities to that fundamental fact is one of the functions of some of those very brutal rites in which the ritual consists chiefly of killing—in imitation, as it were, of that first, primordial crime, out of which arose this temporal world, in which we all participate.”
That is how this all works. Life must die so that we live. And for the vegetarians out there (I did it for 13 years): We kill the vegetables with the same level of intention to life so leave your high horse.
What’s missing from the way we eat now? Acceptance. Reverence. Gratitude. Personal responsibility. Cultivation of the land so that we understand what Tara just shared with us. Thanks, Tara! 🙏🏾
I'm so glad you didn't just leave it there. What a wonderful quote. Joseph Campbell - what a treasure. There is no life without death, no circumventing that the nature of life is uncertainty and risk. Thank you, Tracie. Beautifully said.
I'm happy you're here, Nadine, and thank you for your kind words. I keep my essays free and open and am committed to doing so while still giving financial supporters little perks as a thank you. I'm so glad you liked the essay. :)
What a depth of feeling you convey and yet likely not even close to the experience. I hope I can have the strength and reverence when we will harvest our animals the first time and every time after. Thank you for writing about this topic that so many are now disconnected from.
Thankfully, the rest of the herd is not bothered or scared and virtually instantly go back to their business of eating.
It is both strange and somewhat understandable. They have no concept of death, only fear of pain. Romeo is instantly at peace, so we are too. We need to be thankful for that. It is the difference between us who have dominion over them, and them who are beholden to us for their wellbeing.
Tara, can you expand on that? It would be great to know your view point.
Hi Claude. Expand in which way? On what part? I don't know if they have fear of pain. I wouldn't say that. They are a prey animal so they have instincts that tell them to flee or run, but I don't think they "fear" in they way we would fear something. But they also aren't dumb.
We have one old milk cow. She's 12 or 13 now. I was watching her while Troy was setting up with his rifle. All of the other cows were oblivious, eating on pasture, but not her. She was alert and smelling the air and watching intently. She has seen this before and she knew something was happening. She was the only one. And when the rifle went off, she bolted. All the other cattle watched her running away but didn't run with her. What does she know? What does she think is happening? She understands something, but it would be a leap to think she understands the end of life as we do. But she's been around, she knows the sound of a gun, but what does she know about it?
I think the mistake we make as humans is either treating animals like dumb beasts incapable of emotion or awareness or we put our human inclinations on them. Neither is right. They are fully bovine, experiencing bovine life as fully as we can give that to them. I don't think we elevate any animal by giving them human attributes. I think that diminishes their wonderful animal ones, unique to each species.
Majestic, so vivid and full of sentiment and meaning. When, we humans loose this connection with birth, life a death... when did we loose the act of honoring in humble gratitude a life given to us as a gift for our nourishment... I wish people could understand how precious and balanced is nature, how fragile life is and how insignificant all the material possessions are. Thank you so much for the gift of your words. ❤️
Thank you, Cecilia. My hope is that in the sharing goes the sharing and then conversation and then maybe a new way of thinking about things and then maybe a way of doing things and.... who knows. That's not for me to decide or control. But ripples... I believe in ripples. :)
My only words are thank you and I hope you realize the depths to which you reach when you share like this. Absolutely needed in the world we live in. So thank you.
What a beautiful piece, Tara. Willingly, and sometimes without without thought of the future end, we take on the responsibility and care of other living beings. The new kitten not yet able to view the world, will one day become the old cat no longer able to jump up on your lap. The tubby ball of fluff that becomes your faithful working companion will one day become the old dog that drags herself to her feet to greet you. They come as joyous packages and when they leave our joy should be the same. I hold their heads in my hands, whispering my thanks and giving comfort as they move on to another restful place. I have not yet harvested an animal, that has been left to my local rancher, but we still express our gratitude for the life that nourishes us.
Thank you for your beautiful comment, Bonnie. I don't think everyone has to harvest an animal. I think it's in the knowing and participating that matters. That we can all express gratitude and deep appreciation for the food that nourishes us and the all the life that died so that we can live, is where we all need to be.
"It is not for us to deem the miraculous design of creation as worthy or not, sensible or not. It is. It remains. Creation doesn’t need our opinion or our approval. Our only choice is participation or rejection."
Yes. So much Yes-ness. The video to watch before the reading was so centering. What you spoke about: I have noticed this year that I say less out loud. I've been humbled over and over and over again, and the grace that comes with surrender has become a spring of gratitude in me.
Thank you Tara. I am sorry I have been away from your posts. Life took a toll this year, and even though I didn't spend time in your newer posts, I held onto the strong embrace of the older ones I had read that had absorbed into my pores and into my marrow, that added oxygen into my blood stream in a sense. I think I am a bit more back now to face the digital world again.
“... The illusion of our power to override the exquisite design of the natural world can only ever be the demise of us all...”
Amen, sister.
What a timely statement. This is truth.
Tara, your description of this sacred event and the thoughts and feelings you experience are very true to us. From the anxious knots in the stomach to the prayers to the celebration!
Thanks for sharing.
Claude
Thank you, Claude. It's an experience best experienced, but I try to share as honestly as I can figure out how.
I was born in '53, and grew up hunting many small critters in my backyard, which was woody & swampy. I never gave it a second thought, although the largest animal I ever killed was a duck.
Fast-forward to 2020. Several months into "the pandemic," I got my first-ever big game animal -- a female deer, on friends' private land. Same thing in 2021. I drew tags this upcoming season(s) for a buck & a cow (female elk).
It took me all these years to literally & figuratively "pull the trigger," on hunting for some meat.
I still see vividly the death of the deer, of the last two seasons. It is a bittersweet "vision." Sometimes, I am in bed and about to hopefully sleep, and I replay mentally the last few seconds of each of their deaths.
I do not know why this happens to me. I can only guess that, in the decades since I left my boyhood wild life of outdoor adventures, the sanctity and reverence for life itself, if I allow it to be present within me, speaks to me in words I have yet to comprehend, and can only FEEL vaguely, deep down, as a gratifying (for Nature, as she provides for me) yet sad feeling, simultaneously...
Best to you and Troy, from Colorado USA
This is such a beautiful testament to your humanity and your connection and understanding of the preciousness of life, Steve. I still see those last few moments of the lives of animals I have taken, too. Troy said it goes with him as well. Maybe not having that sadness is the problem. Maybe allowing that sadness to stop you from participating in hunting for/raising and butchering these animals is the problem too. Thank you so much for your comment. Best to you in Colorado.
Yes, indeed! I now approach each hunting season with quite a mix of emotions, some of which conflict with each other. Even up until the vary last moment I have to change my mind (when I am on target, in my scope), all of those feelings race through my mind wily nilly.
Perhaps it is because my philosophy/world-view/religious views remind me that it is the very same life that courses through and animates ALL life, from the mosquito, to the elephant, to the sea slug and in all of us humans!
This is the way!
I want to just leave it there but I read something wonderful from a class assignment the other day that I’d like to share. This is from The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell. “The essence of life is this eating of itself! Life lives on lives, and the reconciliation of the human mind and sensibilities to that fundamental fact is one of the functions of some of those very brutal rites in which the ritual consists chiefly of killing—in imitation, as it were, of that first, primordial crime, out of which arose this temporal world, in which we all participate.”
That is how this all works. Life must die so that we live. And for the vegetarians out there (I did it for 13 years): We kill the vegetables with the same level of intention to life so leave your high horse.
What’s missing from the way we eat now? Acceptance. Reverence. Gratitude. Personal responsibility. Cultivation of the land so that we understand what Tara just shared with us. Thanks, Tara! 🙏🏾
I'm so glad you didn't just leave it there. What a wonderful quote. Joseph Campbell - what a treasure. There is no life without death, no circumventing that the nature of life is uncertainty and risk. Thank you, Tracie. Beautifully said.
I'm new here. You are a very talented writer. You must be a prolific reader. I cried reading that.
Thank you, Kathy. I wish I were a more prolific reader. But that's what winters are for, right? :)
Such a beautiful articulation of harvesting, death and the bringing of life and deep nourishment.
I adore your essays and although I cant currently be paid subscriber, I truly appreciate all you share for free. Musings that nourish the soul 🌻
I'm happy you're here, Nadine, and thank you for your kind words. I keep my essays free and open and am committed to doing so while still giving financial supporters little perks as a thank you. I'm so glad you liked the essay. :)
What a depth of feeling you convey and yet likely not even close to the experience. I hope I can have the strength and reverence when we will harvest our animals the first time and every time after. Thank you for writing about this topic that so many are now disconnected from.
You will have the strength and I know you'll have the reverence. Thank you, Jenelle.
So beautifully written and deeply conveyed. So vitally important to truly understand and work for, however each of us can. Lovely Tara! Sweet Romeo!
Thank you, Jessica :)
Thankfully, the rest of the herd is not bothered or scared and virtually instantly go back to their business of eating.
It is both strange and somewhat understandable. They have no concept of death, only fear of pain. Romeo is instantly at peace, so we are too. We need to be thankful for that. It is the difference between us who have dominion over them, and them who are beholden to us for their wellbeing.
Tara, can you expand on that? It would be great to know your view point.
Hi Claude. Expand in which way? On what part? I don't know if they have fear of pain. I wouldn't say that. They are a prey animal so they have instincts that tell them to flee or run, but I don't think they "fear" in they way we would fear something. But they also aren't dumb.
We have one old milk cow. She's 12 or 13 now. I was watching her while Troy was setting up with his rifle. All of the other cows were oblivious, eating on pasture, but not her. She was alert and smelling the air and watching intently. She has seen this before and she knew something was happening. She was the only one. And when the rifle went off, she bolted. All the other cattle watched her running away but didn't run with her. What does she know? What does she think is happening? She understands something, but it would be a leap to think she understands the end of life as we do. But she's been around, she knows the sound of a gun, but what does she know about it?
I think the mistake we make as humans is either treating animals like dumb beasts incapable of emotion or awareness or we put our human inclinations on them. Neither is right. They are fully bovine, experiencing bovine life as fully as we can give that to them. I don't think we elevate any animal by giving them human attributes. I think that diminishes their wonderful animal ones, unique to each species.
Does that make sense?
Majestic, so vivid and full of sentiment and meaning. When, we humans loose this connection with birth, life a death... when did we loose the act of honoring in humble gratitude a life given to us as a gift for our nourishment... I wish people could understand how precious and balanced is nature, how fragile life is and how insignificant all the material possessions are. Thank you so much for the gift of your words. ❤️
Thank you, Cecilia. My hope is that in the sharing goes the sharing and then conversation and then maybe a new way of thinking about things and then maybe a way of doing things and.... who knows. That's not for me to decide or control. But ripples... I believe in ripples. :)
My only words are thank you and I hope you realize the depths to which you reach when you share like this. Absolutely needed in the world we live in. So thank you.
That's very touching to hear. Thank you, Allysha.
Thank you so much for sharing your love of life and nourishment Tara🤗
Thank you for reading, Roxy.
What a beautiful piece, Tara. Willingly, and sometimes without without thought of the future end, we take on the responsibility and care of other living beings. The new kitten not yet able to view the world, will one day become the old cat no longer able to jump up on your lap. The tubby ball of fluff that becomes your faithful working companion will one day become the old dog that drags herself to her feet to greet you. They come as joyous packages and when they leave our joy should be the same. I hold their heads in my hands, whispering my thanks and giving comfort as they move on to another restful place. I have not yet harvested an animal, that has been left to my local rancher, but we still express our gratitude for the life that nourishes us.
Thank you for your beautiful comment, Bonnie. I don't think everyone has to harvest an animal. I think it's in the knowing and participating that matters. That we can all express gratitude and deep appreciation for the food that nourishes us and the all the life that died so that we can live, is where we all need to be.
Absolutely and then....maybe....we will come to better terms with the cycle of life.
"It is not for us to deem the miraculous design of creation as worthy or not, sensible or not. It is. It remains. Creation doesn’t need our opinion or our approval. Our only choice is participation or rejection."
Yes. So much Yes-ness. The video to watch before the reading was so centering. What you spoke about: I have noticed this year that I say less out loud. I've been humbled over and over and over again, and the grace that comes with surrender has become a spring of gratitude in me.
Thank you Tara. I am sorry I have been away from your posts. Life took a toll this year, and even though I didn't spend time in your newer posts, I held onto the strong embrace of the older ones I had read that had absorbed into my pores and into my marrow, that added oxygen into my blood stream in a sense. I think I am a bit more back now to face the digital world again.
Much Love as always,
Yvette
An incredible piece of writing. Thank you so much for sharing this story.
Thank you very much, Gerald.
Thank you, Jay.