Dearest Tara, thank you for sharing your sweet voice while you have a head cold. It was a tender listen.
You shared much of my musings at this time. What a beautiful reflection.
I have just been offered a home situation which I have been praying for for a long time, a cottage on the land by a pristine creek, it ticked all the boxes upon first glance but looking deeper there are strikingly dangerous and harmful aspects that the landowner promotes - I have a daughter that needs my protection.
I was so close to accepting it but the Lord said ... no...not for you.
Fear arose soon after turning it down, the thoughts bubbled all night, regret came into my chest in a overpowering way, can I really let this go?.... My wanting to control and hold onto the dream that I had so long been praying for.
I have changed considerably in the last few years and as much as I would love a cottage by a pristine creek, I had to let this one go for the safety of my daughter.
Trusting that there is something else for us...
Faith in the juicy abundance of what's waiting. Thank you Tara for sharing where you are at in your relationship with 'Home'.
Home has been something I have been trying to create since I didn't have a safe home growing up.
I realise now home is something so different, so vast. I am rediscovering home.
Love that you are back. Thank you for bringing us with you.
I really loved reading this. Thank you for sharing where things are with you. It takes a lot of courage to listen to that quiet voice, especially when everything else looks so right. I think that’s how so many of us walk ourselves into a boatload of heartache.
I admire your wisd and temperance. It wasn’t right and what’s right will come.
Oh I feel almost guilty writing this, but our land has so many of those luscious Portuguese oranges that they go to the pigs. Trees and trees of them. They show off and produce more oranges than anyone could possibly eat or juice. Marmalade runs rife here. If only I could ship boxes to you my friends. Please know that I would, in a heartbeat xx
Well what I’m the world could be better than a pig that got to bliss put on oranges?! And I am so happy that you and your little girls are surrounded by such deliciousness.
two thoughts i wanted to share dear Tara. I just listened to the most sensuous description of an orange with Martha Beck on the DoAC podcast. She has so many beautiful things to say and I think I've heard you mention that you also have an affinity for Iain McGilchrist - so I think we are all speaking the same language here. If so, you might enjoy that one.
secondly, we've also talked a lot about home and permanence after we left what I had thought would be the place we raise our children a few years back. And - if you are familiar with the idea of 'the space between' (also Iain McGilchrist, Michael Brown in the Presence Process, many traditions, and many others)... like that a pen can be used to write a love letter or act of war, the pen itself has no meaning except what we put into it - the same is true of a home. And we often remind ourselves of this - as we think about the possibilities of moving to assist our aging parents or other adventures. In the case of the home - the container is impartial - but our family together is what matters - wherever we find ourselves. You're probably knowing something similar.
I appreciate the references and I will most certainly dig into them. Thank you, Janine.
And yes, the in between - that space of possibility. I think it’s natural to feel threatened by even thinking about letting go of something you live but grief has taught me the lesson of impermanence and renewal. I want to dwell in the things that scare me until my attention neutralizes that fear. That’s where we are now.
We don’t want to leave. We have hope we won’t have to. We know if that door opens more beautiful, richer things await. It’s all as it should be.
Wow! That orange! I could almost taste it with your description! That painting is incredible too!
I hear you when it comes to the state of things in Canada these days. We are still only building our home (hoping to be in it finally by the end of the year!) so we aren't going anywhere any time soon.
I do have hope that despite appearances these days, that the tides are changing and things will get better soon. It's just an intuitive knowing. I hope I'm correct. <3
I have hope, too - always and forever hope! We just have to be nimble and willing to follow along on the path that opens before us. In order to do that I have tp go through this stage of consideration and reflection - facing and falling into the thing that I fear and wears heavy on my heart.
And maybe that day won’t come. And maybe we remain but either way we will do so from choice not fear of letting go. And who doesn’t want to be loved because someone decides on it, every single day, rather than by default and lack of faith in making it somewhere else?
Now, please tell me about your home your building. ☺️
Dear Tara, I feel so sad when you mention about leaving your home which you have created with so much love…why??? Yes, the world is changing as it always was. But we can see some light somewhere, doesnt it?
From my living place, North America seems the safest place( both in terms of war and freedom) to live now, or am I wrong?
On the other hand everyone has unique situation.
For example, I dont think I want my kids come back to Lithuania soon from their studies abroad in central Europe. My country became strange place where everything seems so upside down and instead of neutrality, we have entered in bad terms with USA, China, Russia. So much hate on social media towards these countries gives an impression all country gone mad and readying for war- either with outside enemy or inside with own people, who just want to live,love and create.
Also- the central Europe became unsafe place because of many imigrants…
I don’t know that we will leave or we’ll have to leave but we need to be able to live through the emotional stuff now should that obvious choice need to be made. I hope not. I have hope still and it runs full, but I just don’t know.
I don’t worry about safety, I worry about losing our financial stability with what’s unfolding here. Right now in Canada we’re taxed at 54% on our income. Add to that carbon tax, sales tax, and all the other taxes and it’s estimated we lose between 73-76 cents of every dollar. If the new ultra left socialist government gets in we are looking at more as they bring in a host of socialist programs beyond anything we’ve ever seen.
If the value of our home and farm bottom out and our taxes increase as predicted we could lose everything we’ve worked for. We’re not going to do that.
So for now it’s just working through possibilities with hope we die on this land but getting comfortable with the idea that we may not and so…. What is home really?
Wow, this really spoke to me as I too am in the midst of the heaviness and fatigue of grief and at the same time living in a place I dislike very much. I too have been thinking so much about home and if I will ever find that home I’ve longed for my whole life while at the same time doing everything I can to make this home we have now into a true safe, loving place of acceptance and peace for my own little family, regardless of how I myself feel.
I deeply respect this. Remember, YOU are home for those little ones and your man. Truly you are. It’s both an incredible honour and responsibility. No matter what happens or where you go, your man finds home in the softness of your body and your children find it in the softness of your heart. A sacred duty that had nothing to do with a structure that holds you.
The problem with moving, leaving...is...where to go. It seems the whole world has gone crazy these days. Especially the "western `civilized' world." I hope what we are seeing is the breaking apart of the global structures that are trying to control all of us. But, yes, Canada is in real trouble and just dug a deeper hole for itself--or so it seems from where I am sitting in the US.
Oh it’s so good to hear your voice again! And yes so much better than AI, even with a scratchy throat.
Isn’t so interesting to discover that you really didn’t know oranges at all until Portugal. It makes me think a little of the Last Battle (7th book in the Narnia series), when they are finally in Aslan’s country (heaven), they are exhorted to come ‘Further up and further in’, to discover the real Narnia and that the one they had been living in wasn’t real at all but an imperfect shadow.
Here’s to one of the realest people I know and this group that you have attracted. I have faith in God’s juicy abundance for all of us.
What a strange situation the modern world has got itself into. We can access and buy literally anything, the world has a price tag. We have all the flash and noise and availability for the consumer--yet the quality is as elusive as the product is available. One must pilgrimage to treasures as simple as a real, tree ripe orange. The Holy Land is as humble as a fruit. However, there is no substitution for the real thing.
Oh, I loved this so much. It reminds me so much of an experience I had in Greece eight years ago. I was staying with a family friend in her tiny village high up in the mountains - I was only there a few days, but the experience was profound. One day my friend came into the tiny, traditional stone home that they had lovingly renovated with a basket of eggs from her neighbor. She boiled and plated them for us as an afternoon snack. I was a bit underwhelmed - a plate of boiled eggs? - until I tasted one. It was the most creamy and delicious egg I had ever tasted in my life. Truly, it was like eating a different food altogether. We finished the plate in minutes. I say this with no exaggeration, it was honestly a life-altering experience. I think about that egg a few times a year. Will I ever eat such an egg ever again? If I don't, it will have been enough to have experienced it once.
I enjoyed listening to you read this. It brought it to life. Was that a little nod to Mary Oliver in there? And on the note of poetry, this essay reminded me of the poem “The Orange” by Wendy Cope.
Dearest Tara, thank you for sharing your sweet voice while you have a head cold. It was a tender listen.
You shared much of my musings at this time. What a beautiful reflection.
I have just been offered a home situation which I have been praying for for a long time, a cottage on the land by a pristine creek, it ticked all the boxes upon first glance but looking deeper there are strikingly dangerous and harmful aspects that the landowner promotes - I have a daughter that needs my protection.
I was so close to accepting it but the Lord said ... no...not for you.
Fear arose soon after turning it down, the thoughts bubbled all night, regret came into my chest in a overpowering way, can I really let this go?.... My wanting to control and hold onto the dream that I had so long been praying for.
I have changed considerably in the last few years and as much as I would love a cottage by a pristine creek, I had to let this one go for the safety of my daughter.
Trusting that there is something else for us...
Faith in the juicy abundance of what's waiting. Thank you Tara for sharing where you are at in your relationship with 'Home'.
Home has been something I have been trying to create since I didn't have a safe home growing up.
I realise now home is something so different, so vast. I am rediscovering home.
Love that you are back. Thank you for bringing us with you.
I really loved reading this. Thank you for sharing where things are with you. It takes a lot of courage to listen to that quiet voice, especially when everything else looks so right. I think that’s how so many of us walk ourselves into a boatload of heartache.
I admire your wisd and temperance. It wasn’t right and what’s right will come.
May we keep waiting... so that we can experience that truly wonderful real and raw orange! Glory to the orange!
Oh I feel almost guilty writing this, but our land has so many of those luscious Portuguese oranges that they go to the pigs. Trees and trees of them. They show off and produce more oranges than anyone could possibly eat or juice. Marmalade runs rife here. If only I could ship boxes to you my friends. Please know that I would, in a heartbeat xx
Lucky pigs! And lucky humans who eat such nourished pigs! It's still a win win. <3
Well what I’m the world could be better than a pig that got to bliss put on oranges?! And I am so happy that you and your little girls are surrounded by such deliciousness.
two thoughts i wanted to share dear Tara. I just listened to the most sensuous description of an orange with Martha Beck on the DoAC podcast. She has so many beautiful things to say and I think I've heard you mention that you also have an affinity for Iain McGilchrist - so I think we are all speaking the same language here. If so, you might enjoy that one.
secondly, we've also talked a lot about home and permanence after we left what I had thought would be the place we raise our children a few years back. And - if you are familiar with the idea of 'the space between' (also Iain McGilchrist, Michael Brown in the Presence Process, many traditions, and many others)... like that a pen can be used to write a love letter or act of war, the pen itself has no meaning except what we put into it - the same is true of a home. And we often remind ourselves of this - as we think about the possibilities of moving to assist our aging parents or other adventures. In the case of the home - the container is impartial - but our family together is what matters - wherever we find ourselves. You're probably knowing something similar.
sending love xo
I appreciate the references and I will most certainly dig into them. Thank you, Janine.
And yes, the in between - that space of possibility. I think it’s natural to feel threatened by even thinking about letting go of something you live but grief has taught me the lesson of impermanence and renewal. I want to dwell in the things that scare me until my attention neutralizes that fear. That’s where we are now.
We don’t want to leave. We have hope we won’t have to. We know if that door opens more beautiful, richer things await. It’s all as it should be.
❤️
Wow! That orange! I could almost taste it with your description! That painting is incredible too!
I hear you when it comes to the state of things in Canada these days. We are still only building our home (hoping to be in it finally by the end of the year!) so we aren't going anywhere any time soon.
I do have hope that despite appearances these days, that the tides are changing and things will get better soon. It's just an intuitive knowing. I hope I'm correct. <3
I have hope, too - always and forever hope! We just have to be nimble and willing to follow along on the path that opens before us. In order to do that I have tp go through this stage of consideration and reflection - facing and falling into the thing that I fear and wears heavy on my heart.
And maybe that day won’t come. And maybe we remain but either way we will do so from choice not fear of letting go. And who doesn’t want to be loved because someone decides on it, every single day, rather than by default and lack of faith in making it somewhere else?
Now, please tell me about your home your building. ☺️
Yes, I very much agree. One must always be willing to walk away from everything if life demands it.
My home is a combination of earth, sun, wind and water (and a few other things). If you click on my substack page, you can read all about it. 😊
Dear Tara, I feel so sad when you mention about leaving your home which you have created with so much love…why??? Yes, the world is changing as it always was. But we can see some light somewhere, doesnt it?
From my living place, North America seems the safest place( both in terms of war and freedom) to live now, or am I wrong?
On the other hand everyone has unique situation.
For example, I dont think I want my kids come back to Lithuania soon from their studies abroad in central Europe. My country became strange place where everything seems so upside down and instead of neutrality, we have entered in bad terms with USA, China, Russia. So much hate on social media towards these countries gives an impression all country gone mad and readying for war- either with outside enemy or inside with own people, who just want to live,love and create.
Also- the central Europe became unsafe place because of many imigrants…
I don’t know that we will leave or we’ll have to leave but we need to be able to live through the emotional stuff now should that obvious choice need to be made. I hope not. I have hope still and it runs full, but I just don’t know.
I don’t worry about safety, I worry about losing our financial stability with what’s unfolding here. Right now in Canada we’re taxed at 54% on our income. Add to that carbon tax, sales tax, and all the other taxes and it’s estimated we lose between 73-76 cents of every dollar. If the new ultra left socialist government gets in we are looking at more as they bring in a host of socialist programs beyond anything we’ve ever seen.
If the value of our home and farm bottom out and our taxes increase as predicted we could lose everything we’ve worked for. We’re not going to do that.
So for now it’s just working through possibilities with hope we die on this land but getting comfortable with the idea that we may not and so…. What is home really?
❤️
Yes, the current systems are sucking the life out of people, especially farmers and working people. It has gone way too far.
Wow, this really spoke to me as I too am in the midst of the heaviness and fatigue of grief and at the same time living in a place I dislike very much. I too have been thinking so much about home and if I will ever find that home I’ve longed for my whole life while at the same time doing everything I can to make this home we have now into a true safe, loving place of acceptance and peace for my own little family, regardless of how I myself feel.
I deeply respect this. Remember, YOU are home for those little ones and your man. Truly you are. It’s both an incredible honour and responsibility. No matter what happens or where you go, your man finds home in the softness of your body and your children find it in the softness of your heart. A sacred duty that had nothing to do with a structure that holds you.
The problem with moving, leaving...is...where to go. It seems the whole world has gone crazy these days. Especially the "western `civilized' world." I hope what we are seeing is the breaking apart of the global structures that are trying to control all of us. But, yes, Canada is in real trouble and just dug a deeper hole for itself--or so it seems from where I am sitting in the US.
Oh it’s so good to hear your voice again! And yes so much better than AI, even with a scratchy throat.
Isn’t so interesting to discover that you really didn’t know oranges at all until Portugal. It makes me think a little of the Last Battle (7th book in the Narnia series), when they are finally in Aslan’s country (heaven), they are exhorted to come ‘Further up and further in’, to discover the real Narnia and that the one they had been living in wasn’t real at all but an imperfect shadow.
Here’s to one of the realest people I know and this group that you have attracted. I have faith in God’s juicy abundance for all of us.
What a strange situation the modern world has got itself into. We can access and buy literally anything, the world has a price tag. We have all the flash and noise and availability for the consumer--yet the quality is as elusive as the product is available. One must pilgrimage to treasures as simple as a real, tree ripe orange. The Holy Land is as humble as a fruit. However, there is no substitution for the real thing.
Thanks for being a real one, Tara. 😊
Oh, I loved this so much. It reminds me so much of an experience I had in Greece eight years ago. I was staying with a family friend in her tiny village high up in the mountains - I was only there a few days, but the experience was profound. One day my friend came into the tiny, traditional stone home that they had lovingly renovated with a basket of eggs from her neighbor. She boiled and plated them for us as an afternoon snack. I was a bit underwhelmed - a plate of boiled eggs? - until I tasted one. It was the most creamy and delicious egg I had ever tasted in my life. Truly, it was like eating a different food altogether. We finished the plate in minutes. I say this with no exaggeration, it was honestly a life-altering experience. I think about that egg a few times a year. Will I ever eat such an egg ever again? If I don't, it will have been enough to have experienced it once.
I enjoyed listening to you read this. It brought it to life. Was that a little nod to Mary Oliver in there? And on the note of poetry, this essay reminded me of the poem “The Orange” by Wendy Cope.