Once again Tara, so much resonates. I've spent the past few months helping to build a house and I have seen first-hand the concreteness of your analogy. (Turns out a wall being 3/4 inch over means the cabinets ordered won't fit.) My first "wait, why?" was 34 years ago when my first son was born and I decided that circumcision wasn't necessary. Thankfully my husband agreed. Sadly, it took the Covid nonsense to open my eyes to HOW MUCH of our lives are being incorrectly measured. I regret blinding trusting "the experts". Never again. I love your perspective switch. I learned that when I had little ones from a mother's bible study. Folding laundry can be tedious, or you can be grateful you have loved ones whose clothes need washing, a washing machine, running water, electricity. Endless safe water out of a tap in a marvel. Spending time in Haiti taught me that.
Love this essay...so much...i am sharing a very silly, recent experience that may have some relevance here....I took a plane trip w my daughter to visit family....we arrived at the airport very early, so when we discovered I had left a parking ticket in the car there was amole time to go back retrieve and still not be rushed. I returned from task and we headed, together to terminal...as i was walking i became aware that i was breathing pretty intensely....then, became aware that I was walking as fast as i possibly could, my daughter keeping in lock step...we were early....yet rushing like we were gonna miss the plane....i felt insane!! Quickly, as your essay suggests, “hit the reset button” and slowed down....nonetheless...i kept and keep catching myself repeating this same behavior....running like my tail is on fire...your essay put a small unconscious behavior into context...where did this default come from? I love your questioning the observer and how to get closer...can we get closer...slowing, observing, discerning energy is like playing a piano, practicing the right hand, then the left, then putting them clumsily together and then, one day unexpectedly, they come together and you are playing a masterpiece...in some gorgeous way...the observer found expression.
Exactly this type of thing. I don’t think it’s silly at all - this is what I’m talking about. It’s easy to pick out the big, dramatic, obvious things but it’s these ‘ways of being’ that we somehow just think are part of a personality. And if they’re things we’re not all that fond of or aren’t otherwise something we’ve chosen for ourselves, I think they’re worth digging into. I like your awareness. 🙂
Thank you for saying that Tara...i shared a game I have been playing w myself (above) its funny i find myself being more curious and able to listen more....as i am consciously choosing an outcome....and more lightness....funny how that works...
Anyhow i re-read this post.....and lots to turn over about “it is what it is”...further to above led me to consider scarcity...buying only what my family needs in june to see what we really need...freeing my family from what “we need” syndrome, leisure and comfort to somewhere else...wowsa!
Agree! Unlearn, unwind, untwist. I am finding more space between me and a reaction...the filter of my own choosing (playing with now) is
Based on what i want more of in my life...chaos, overwhelm and conflict? Or uplift, joy and flow...so my question is which i am adding more to...tension a vote in the chaos column or, a different response...interestingly enough i have less to say😂😂not sure thats what i expected🤷♀️😳but here i am...
Mhmmmmm. This is a good one. Lots I could comment on, but I'll just share that while I was eating lunch today I found myself thinking about some of the content the Weston A Price Foundation has been sharing lately about how Germ Theory is just a theory and not all scientists agree with it.
I think that's fascinating and regularly find myself questioning what the hell any of us actually know (not much it seems 😉).
But, I was mostly thinking about how if I tried to talk about that with most people I know, I would immediately be labeled as a loon. Even just mentioning that *someone else* has that opinion and not claiming it as my own would cause some panic.
These days, the hardest thing to wrap my head around is how many people DONT question absolutely everything. Like, hello?? Are you paying attention?!
I don't miss being stuck in the Matrix, but it sure can be overwhelming and lonely once you've busted free.
It's so true, Jess. If I can offer a wee bit of hope and light from someone that's been on this road for over thirty years now, it's that while the questioning never ends, and the nooks and crannies never shallow, the authentic, deep relationships that come into your life are such a treasure. I went years feeling pretty isolated. I remember being around other moms and feeling like such an odd duck. But I never kept my mouth shut. I always offered an alternative opinion with confidence. That turned a lot of people off, I'm sure, but I think that by speaking openly and honestly, we are telling more than the people around us. I think it's kind of like smoke signals to our 'people', to the world and it's returned in kind, with time.
Great video clip! The silver lining of living through the last three years is many of us are being reconnected to our true natures! I spent the winter poring over books such as The Untethered Soul and many others and am in awe of how much my perspective has changed. I also see now that for the past 10 years I've listened to my inner guidance instead of the outside rules. The cool thing about it is now I don't feel so uneasy about why I feel this disconnect from that fake reality as before I thought there was something wrong with me, but now see it as the opposite.
That’s a liberating feeling! I’m so happy for you, Connie. I know people that I never thought would find their way out of the matrix but these last few years have opened many eyes. Feels good!
Yes easier but not better, for sure. Once you know the truth, you have to act on it
or suffer from much cognitive dissonance, which will resonate in dis-harmony through your whole being, leading to dis-ease. Every cell in our body depends on us being in harmony, spiritually, physically and mentally. Ask Bruce Lipton! We are truly blessed to know that and yet remain curious and vigilant.
P.S. Jose and Eva and family have just returned from Edmonton this morning after successful heart surgery! Thanks for rounding up so many prayers!!!! It worked!
Hallelujah!!! How wonderful! This brings tears of joy to my dusty eyes. xoxoxoxo
Absolute truth. This is why I always say, "our hearts are always listening". We speak with truth and conviction no matter the cause because the misalignment of spirit is too heavy a cost, no matter the company.
Such beautiful news that Jose and Eva had successful heart surgery Claude, I got shivers all over my body when I read that - a true blessing they are, I wish them and the family all the best.
I, too, took everything I was told as a kid as FACT! And then I learned a few things were incorrect. Then, in the mid 90s, I read "Lies My Teacher Told Me" (Everything your American History Textbook Got Wrong) and realized there were about 8 other sides to each story I've been told. It still took me until I was completed depleted after my kids were born to realize I needed to question every bit of information that came my way. Now sometimes I feel like a crazed skeptic, which maybe I am. I think I was just a crazed believer before. I like to ask myself, Who benefits from me believing this? If it's not me or my family I'm likely to take a hard pass. Still learning this, though. It's amazing to see how entangled we are.
What a great question: who benefits from me believing this? BAM! Wow! This really shook me in regards to a personal struggle I’m currently going through. That question right there, just might be the kick in the bum I’ve needed! Our answers sometimes arrive in the strangest ways. Now, to go think on this more deeply!
I wonder that too, Claude. Is it easier? Simpler, probably. But here I am in the city looking around wondering why everyone looks half asleep and so miserable. Where’s the light and the verve?!
What a great, thought provoking essay! I’m in the middle of a very difficult place in my life. Needing to question things I’ve for so long taken for granted. Where did these beliefs that brought me and keep me here, come from? Do they serve me well? What does it look like to do it differently? etc. I heard a great ‘snippet’😉 from Brené Brown yesterday on braving the wilderness (name of her book). She spoke of being so free, you dare brave the wilderness of being different (my paraphrase). I thought it truly thought provoking. Below is a quote from her book, which I still have yet to read:
“The wilderness is an untamed, unpredictable place of solitude and searching. It is a place as dangerous as it is breathtaking, a place as sought after as it is feared. But it turns out to be the place of true belonging, and it’s the bravest and most sacred place you will ever stand.”
Tara - thank you for your work in this space. I’ve been away for a bit due to all I’m going through and processing. It’s good to jump back in and see so much goodness and encouragement in this space!
Sending you so much love as you go through this time, Pam. I hope it doesn't sound trite, but I truly believe that hardship is the only place we learn and grow - if we allow it, embrace it - even when it's gritty as hell. Big hugs to you.
I totally agree. Learning so much about me. Ways that need changing if I’m going to be free to be who He created me to be. It can be hard breaking out of life long thought patterns. But like you’ve said in your essay. Question them. Turn them over and look at them from another perspective. I appreciate your support and encouragement. 🙂
I love this essay. This is the third time I’ve started a comment... I had lots of thoughts and things to share but eventually lost the plot in both of those.😂
Third time is a charm so here goes. Measure twice, cut once... words of wisdom there for sure. We can all learn so much from that simple phrase.
You have a great way of juxtaposing things to generate consideration. Here it is the building of a person or who we are with that of a structure or dwelling. How do we as people make sure our foundations are solid, that our beams and angles are plumb and square. What a fascinating way to look at life and where we all come from.
My sister has spent her adult life identifying and seeking to break what she calls the “trance of unworthiness”. She has worked hard to identify and counteract that, in your words, heavy baggage she has carried for so long. And we all do right, we all get to a point and realize how much is embedded into who we are that we don’t examine or question or test. We just carry... many never put down the bags.
I listened to a fascinating interview the other day with Peter Attia. He almost lost his marriage and, he thinks, his life due to an ever present simmering rage that was consuming him. He was addicted to performance and was brutally hard on himself at the slightest failure or shortcoming. It took two inpatient stays and months of therapy for him to break the cycle of self abuse and anger that was eating him alive.
Ultimately the cure consisted in part of learning to and actively practicing talking to himself as he would to his best friend. That thought brings me to tears... I guess because of the humanity, generosity, and compassion of it... but also because I am certain that so many of us grow into adulthood and relate to ourselves, to our struggles and failures, so negatively and without compassion.
I see all of that as intimately connected to your message here. Taking accurate measure of who we are and our place in the world from a place of love and compassion, in touch with God and nature, is to the building of our personhood as the concepts of plumb and square is to a structure. (Distinct lack of eloquence there but I hope you follow.)
For me, as I move into my 50’s I look back to a deep longing that pervaded my psyche as I grew from kid to young man and through my 20’s. I was a child of the suburbs... lawns and houses and shopping centers. By the grace of God my family moved from outside Detroit to Maine and at 15 I found myself in the woods. Then I became obsessed with surfing and snowboarding... looking time and again for a connection with nature, the elements... a little rush... to satiate that longing, and get me out of the house 😉... eventually the board sports and hikes were not enough.. and again by the grace of God I came to know the calling , the life and rhythms of a small farm.
Physical work outdoors is, for me, a baseline measure through which I find peace and meaning. I pray that my children (22,19,16) can, as I have, find their way through to the things that bring them joy and allow them to live in love and compassion with themselves. The journey never ends, of course...
Thank you for contributing to the conversation in such a thoughtful way here, Joe. I really enjoyed reading what you've shared. "The trance of unworthiness". Oof. I've seen the ravages of that in my own family. What a heavy load.
It's interesting to hear about the interview with Peter Attia. I know people like that, with that low simmer of rage. If they're "successful" they tend to use it as a driver to attain the wealth and outward markers of success that makes them feel good about themselves, but it's always there. As time has marched on, you can see that their marriages have failed and their intimate lives are a mess, but they have big houses and cars and are lonely. What a testament that he was able to give himself the compassion that the rage was hungry for.
It makes me misty to read of you finding your place on your small farm. I hope your children come to know their place of peace and belonging, too. I was so touched when my 26 year old daughter, who has been living in various big cities since she moved out due to the necessity of school and career, casually said to me, "I couldn't wait to get out of the city and come home." She's been staying with us and commuting to her burgeoning acupuncture practice while she builds up her business. It's been so nice to have her home, but she's returned home changed. She is outside all of the time now, collecting her wild plants and flowers, out in the garden, willingly working with us. She recognizes something in her that isn't there in the urban jungle. It's lovely to see.
I can't but keep returning to A Course in Miracles. It both makes uncomfortable and comforts.
"... it is but one version of the universal curriculum. There are many others, this one differing from them only in form. They all lead to God in the end." (Preface, ix)
I think our primal brain seeks approval and to be part of the tribe for safety and perpetuation. So there in lies a desire to behave a certain way or act out a certain script. Even as a child, though, I remember feeling as though my questions were not being fully answered by "authority". As supposed "leaders" cropped up in circles of friends, I never considered them any different than the rest. I enjoyed being alone and seeing the world uniquely. BUT it did make things extra difficult through highschool and college when I started to really rebel and tire of doing the same old dance. The last 3 years really exhibited this inner child of mine and I was excited that others, too, may find their's- the one who asks "why?". I think a lot of people just rode the ride and pretended to not be thrashed by the glaring truths they had seen. I do feel more secure in my bones and in my heart, and as a mother. And I truly am grateful for the opportunity to completely let go of needing reciprocation from others for the life that I choose. I think that speaks to the funky place we are in. In a world that is quickly advancing to a transhumanist experience, some of us are stepping as far back as we can into the life of the past. You have to be secure in the choice to do so, because as you mentioned, while others are sipping sips in Hawaii on the beach, we are out with a shovel in a goat stall. I also think there are a lot of people searching for conclusive answers, which I kind of understand, but I think its best served, like you said, to acknowledge the inner story. I am a perpetual student/child/explorer. I love learning by watching the spider weave. By reading and observing. I don't really Need to who landed on the moon or to spend my time proving the curvature of the earth or whether the last 3 years was a bioweapon etc. But maybe that brings someone joy! For me it's walking back into the paradigm of our prefabricated perceptions. This essay spoke to me and the ability I enjoy to keep my children home instead of sending them to a school. I have chosen to disregard the parameters of learning that I was confined to, completely. It feels a bit uncharted as I deliberately do not schedule school in or care how they compare in any regard to the structures of an organized school. The most valuable thing I can offer my boys is the understanding and maintaining of sovereignty. They are still young and inately respect the divinity of this vast place, but I think with this foundation of love in our home and simply honoring their capabilities, I believe we are all well equipped to discover exactly what we are meant to. Thank you Tara. I absolutely loved this essay!
Thank you for your wonderful words and making this space even better with your contribution. Your boys are so lucky that you've taken this approach. I agree that sovereignty is one of the most precious things we can teach our children. I see that in my daughter's now - their free thinking minds and their absolute, authentic confidence to craft lives of meaning. Such an incredible gift to give your little humans.
Speaking of authority figures not answering questions - I was recently at a family gathering where a 7 year old asked her parents/grandparents why she was supposed to be angry at a certain past president and all adult targets of that inquiry just laughed and said something like "oh, that's a lot to get into!".
My whole body cringed. What a way to perpetuate this idea that we should just do what our 'elders' do/say/believe. It's so pervasive in our society. Yuck yuck yuck.
Exactly. I truly learn so much from my children. It's amazing to watch such pure little things, without all the layers of.... well everything we are talking about 😂
So interesting and so hard to see what is what! I have dipped in and out of “the course in miracles” since my teen years and recently it has come up again. I have now been sent the articles about it being a “dangerous cult” and what I understand about the course message is that it is “mind training” so....sounds a little cultish. But, I’d rather come to my own conclusions, not base what I do on the opinions of others. If the course is telling me that nothing is real....well it is certainly challenging everything I’ve been taught my whole life!
Rachel, this reminds me of a comment someone very close to me said when I was a little girl. I was in the forest on a walk and I hugged a tree and said, "I can feel God when I hug trees." The woman said, "What are you, a "naturalist" that thinks God is in trees? God isn't in trees!" I was so ashamed. I felt like I sinned or believed something blasphemous (we were Catholic). It took me years to find God in the trees again. I won't let anyone sway what I know in my heart. Where you find beauty and peace and connection, there is God. xo
Thank you Tara! As always your profound message finds me just as I need to hear it. I wish there were a way for all of us here to come together and talk like this in person.
That would be nice. I imagine one day doing a book tour with my book and finding my way to outdoor fires with small groups of people here where we get to talk and laugh and cry. The stuff my fantasies are made of. :)
Thank you, Noreen. I'm so glad to hear it. I suppose it's just the inevitable human condition for those of us not willing to just trudge along unquestioning what is. :)
Yuval Harari is a champion of the WEF elite. He believes humans are without soul and will be nothing more than a machine. He’s a scary human being. I still rue the day I bought that book in error.
Once again Tara, so much resonates. I've spent the past few months helping to build a house and I have seen first-hand the concreteness of your analogy. (Turns out a wall being 3/4 inch over means the cabinets ordered won't fit.) My first "wait, why?" was 34 years ago when my first son was born and I decided that circumcision wasn't necessary. Thankfully my husband agreed. Sadly, it took the Covid nonsense to open my eyes to HOW MUCH of our lives are being incorrectly measured. I regret blinding trusting "the experts". Never again. I love your perspective switch. I learned that when I had little ones from a mother's bible study. Folding laundry can be tedious, or you can be grateful you have loved ones whose clothes need washing, a washing machine, running water, electricity. Endless safe water out of a tap in a marvel. Spending time in Haiti taught me that.
Beautifully said, Carol. Bring in service is one of life’s greatest gifts.
Love this essay...so much...i am sharing a very silly, recent experience that may have some relevance here....I took a plane trip w my daughter to visit family....we arrived at the airport very early, so when we discovered I had left a parking ticket in the car there was amole time to go back retrieve and still not be rushed. I returned from task and we headed, together to terminal...as i was walking i became aware that i was breathing pretty intensely....then, became aware that I was walking as fast as i possibly could, my daughter keeping in lock step...we were early....yet rushing like we were gonna miss the plane....i felt insane!! Quickly, as your essay suggests, “hit the reset button” and slowed down....nonetheless...i kept and keep catching myself repeating this same behavior....running like my tail is on fire...your essay put a small unconscious behavior into context...where did this default come from? I love your questioning the observer and how to get closer...can we get closer...slowing, observing, discerning energy is like playing a piano, practicing the right hand, then the left, then putting them clumsily together and then, one day unexpectedly, they come together and you are playing a masterpiece...in some gorgeous way...the observer found expression.
Exactly this type of thing. I don’t think it’s silly at all - this is what I’m talking about. It’s easy to pick out the big, dramatic, obvious things but it’s these ‘ways of being’ that we somehow just think are part of a personality. And if they’re things we’re not all that fond of or aren’t otherwise something we’ve chosen for ourselves, I think they’re worth digging into. I like your awareness. 🙂
Thank you for saying that Tara...i shared a game I have been playing w myself (above) its funny i find myself being more curious and able to listen more....as i am consciously choosing an outcome....and more lightness....funny how that works...
Anyhow i re-read this post.....and lots to turn over about “it is what it is”...further to above led me to consider scarcity...buying only what my family needs in june to see what we really need...freeing my family from what “we need” syndrome, leisure and comfort to somewhere else...wowsa!
How conditioned are we! But we can unlearn.
Agree! Unlearn, unwind, untwist. I am finding more space between me and a reaction...the filter of my own choosing (playing with now) is
Based on what i want more of in my life...chaos, overwhelm and conflict? Or uplift, joy and flow...so my question is which i am adding more to...tension a vote in the chaos column or, a different response...interestingly enough i have less to say😂😂not sure thats what i expected🤷♀️😳but here i am...
Yes!...here we all are, together, sharing and connecting outside of all 'their' engineered reality. YAY us! More of us every day! 🥳❤️🙏
Mhmmmmm. This is a good one. Lots I could comment on, but I'll just share that while I was eating lunch today I found myself thinking about some of the content the Weston A Price Foundation has been sharing lately about how Germ Theory is just a theory and not all scientists agree with it.
I think that's fascinating and regularly find myself questioning what the hell any of us actually know (not much it seems 😉).
But, I was mostly thinking about how if I tried to talk about that with most people I know, I would immediately be labeled as a loon. Even just mentioning that *someone else* has that opinion and not claiming it as my own would cause some panic.
These days, the hardest thing to wrap my head around is how many people DONT question absolutely everything. Like, hello?? Are you paying attention?!
I don't miss being stuck in the Matrix, but it sure can be overwhelming and lonely once you've busted free.
It's so true, Jess. If I can offer a wee bit of hope and light from someone that's been on this road for over thirty years now, it's that while the questioning never ends, and the nooks and crannies never shallow, the authentic, deep relationships that come into your life are such a treasure. I went years feeling pretty isolated. I remember being around other moms and feeling like such an odd duck. But I never kept my mouth shut. I always offered an alternative opinion with confidence. That turned a lot of people off, I'm sure, but I think that by speaking openly and honestly, we are telling more than the people around us. I think it's kind of like smoke signals to our 'people', to the world and it's returned in kind, with time.
That does make me feel hopeful. Thank you for sharing. 💚
Great video clip! The silver lining of living through the last three years is many of us are being reconnected to our true natures! I spent the winter poring over books such as The Untethered Soul and many others and am in awe of how much my perspective has changed. I also see now that for the past 10 years I've listened to my inner guidance instead of the outside rules. The cool thing about it is now I don't feel so uneasy about why I feel this disconnect from that fake reality as before I thought there was something wrong with me, but now see it as the opposite.
That’s a liberating feeling! I’m so happy for you, Connie. I know people that I never thought would find their way out of the matrix but these last few years have opened many eyes. Feels good!
Yes easier but not better, for sure. Once you know the truth, you have to act on it
or suffer from much cognitive dissonance, which will resonate in dis-harmony through your whole being, leading to dis-ease. Every cell in our body depends on us being in harmony, spiritually, physically and mentally. Ask Bruce Lipton! We are truly blessed to know that and yet remain curious and vigilant.
P.S. Jose and Eva and family have just returned from Edmonton this morning after successful heart surgery! Thanks for rounding up so many prayers!!!! It worked!
Hallelujah!!! How wonderful! This brings tears of joy to my dusty eyes. xoxoxoxo
Absolute truth. This is why I always say, "our hearts are always listening". We speak with truth and conviction no matter the cause because the misalignment of spirit is too heavy a cost, no matter the company.
Wonderful!! I have been wondering how they are doing! Thank you for the update on your Easter miracle babies. I am so happy for you and your daughter!
Such beautiful news that Jose and Eva had successful heart surgery Claude, I got shivers all over my body when I read that - a true blessing they are, I wish them and the family all the best.
I, too, took everything I was told as a kid as FACT! And then I learned a few things were incorrect. Then, in the mid 90s, I read "Lies My Teacher Told Me" (Everything your American History Textbook Got Wrong) and realized there were about 8 other sides to each story I've been told. It still took me until I was completed depleted after my kids were born to realize I needed to question every bit of information that came my way. Now sometimes I feel like a crazed skeptic, which maybe I am. I think I was just a crazed believer before. I like to ask myself, Who benefits from me believing this? If it's not me or my family I'm likely to take a hard pass. Still learning this, though. It's amazing to see how entangled we are.
What a great question: who benefits from me believing this? BAM! Wow! This really shook me in regards to a personal struggle I’m currently going through. That question right there, just might be the kick in the bum I’ve needed! Our answers sometimes arrive in the strangest ways. Now, to go think on this more deeply!
I like the insight - who benefits from my believing. It’s like “follow the money “
Alison, Thank you for putting into words how I have been feeling. Crazed skeptic sums it up perfectly! 😋
We are not alone. Sometimes I am envious of they who question nothing, never have, and don’t know the question, never mind the answer.
Life must be so simple. :)
I wonder that too, Claude. Is it easier? Simpler, probably. But here I am in the city looking around wondering why everyone looks half asleep and so miserable. Where’s the light and the verve?!
I remember when I didn’t question ... life seemed simpler but it was restricting, and I felt so trapped and like such a victim.
What a great, thought provoking essay! I’m in the middle of a very difficult place in my life. Needing to question things I’ve for so long taken for granted. Where did these beliefs that brought me and keep me here, come from? Do they serve me well? What does it look like to do it differently? etc. I heard a great ‘snippet’😉 from Brené Brown yesterday on braving the wilderness (name of her book). She spoke of being so free, you dare brave the wilderness of being different (my paraphrase). I thought it truly thought provoking. Below is a quote from her book, which I still have yet to read:
“The wilderness is an untamed, unpredictable place of solitude and searching. It is a place as dangerous as it is breathtaking, a place as sought after as it is feared. But it turns out to be the place of true belonging, and it’s the bravest and most sacred place you will ever stand.”
Tara - thank you for your work in this space. I’ve been away for a bit due to all I’m going through and processing. It’s good to jump back in and see so much goodness and encouragement in this space!
Oh I looove that quote...
Sending you so much love as you go through this time, Pam. I hope it doesn't sound trite, but I truly believe that hardship is the only place we learn and grow - if we allow it, embrace it - even when it's gritty as hell. Big hugs to you.
I totally agree. Learning so much about me. Ways that need changing if I’m going to be free to be who He created me to be. It can be hard breaking out of life long thought patterns. But like you’ve said in your essay. Question them. Turn them over and look at them from another perspective. I appreciate your support and encouragement. 🙂
I love this essay. This is the third time I’ve started a comment... I had lots of thoughts and things to share but eventually lost the plot in both of those.😂
Third time is a charm so here goes. Measure twice, cut once... words of wisdom there for sure. We can all learn so much from that simple phrase.
You have a great way of juxtaposing things to generate consideration. Here it is the building of a person or who we are with that of a structure or dwelling. How do we as people make sure our foundations are solid, that our beams and angles are plumb and square. What a fascinating way to look at life and where we all come from.
My sister has spent her adult life identifying and seeking to break what she calls the “trance of unworthiness”. She has worked hard to identify and counteract that, in your words, heavy baggage she has carried for so long. And we all do right, we all get to a point and realize how much is embedded into who we are that we don’t examine or question or test. We just carry... many never put down the bags.
I listened to a fascinating interview the other day with Peter Attia. He almost lost his marriage and, he thinks, his life due to an ever present simmering rage that was consuming him. He was addicted to performance and was brutally hard on himself at the slightest failure or shortcoming. It took two inpatient stays and months of therapy for him to break the cycle of self abuse and anger that was eating him alive.
Ultimately the cure consisted in part of learning to and actively practicing talking to himself as he would to his best friend. That thought brings me to tears... I guess because of the humanity, generosity, and compassion of it... but also because I am certain that so many of us grow into adulthood and relate to ourselves, to our struggles and failures, so negatively and without compassion.
I see all of that as intimately connected to your message here. Taking accurate measure of who we are and our place in the world from a place of love and compassion, in touch with God and nature, is to the building of our personhood as the concepts of plumb and square is to a structure. (Distinct lack of eloquence there but I hope you follow.)
For me, as I move into my 50’s I look back to a deep longing that pervaded my psyche as I grew from kid to young man and through my 20’s. I was a child of the suburbs... lawns and houses and shopping centers. By the grace of God my family moved from outside Detroit to Maine and at 15 I found myself in the woods. Then I became obsessed with surfing and snowboarding... looking time and again for a connection with nature, the elements... a little rush... to satiate that longing, and get me out of the house 😉... eventually the board sports and hikes were not enough.. and again by the grace of God I came to know the calling , the life and rhythms of a small farm.
Physical work outdoors is, for me, a baseline measure through which I find peace and meaning. I pray that my children (22,19,16) can, as I have, find their way through to the things that bring them joy and allow them to live in love and compassion with themselves. The journey never ends, of course...
Thanks as always. ❤️
Thank you for contributing to the conversation in such a thoughtful way here, Joe. I really enjoyed reading what you've shared. "The trance of unworthiness". Oof. I've seen the ravages of that in my own family. What a heavy load.
It's interesting to hear about the interview with Peter Attia. I know people like that, with that low simmer of rage. If they're "successful" they tend to use it as a driver to attain the wealth and outward markers of success that makes them feel good about themselves, but it's always there. As time has marched on, you can see that their marriages have failed and their intimate lives are a mess, but they have big houses and cars and are lonely. What a testament that he was able to give himself the compassion that the rage was hungry for.
It makes me misty to read of you finding your place on your small farm. I hope your children come to know their place of peace and belonging, too. I was so touched when my 26 year old daughter, who has been living in various big cities since she moved out due to the necessity of school and career, casually said to me, "I couldn't wait to get out of the city and come home." She's been staying with us and commuting to her burgeoning acupuncture practice while she builds up her business. It's been so nice to have her home, but she's returned home changed. She is outside all of the time now, collecting her wild plants and flowers, out in the garden, willingly working with us. She recognizes something in her that isn't there in the urban jungle. It's lovely to see.
I can't but keep returning to A Course in Miracles. It both makes uncomfortable and comforts.
"... it is but one version of the universal curriculum. There are many others, this one differing from them only in form. They all lead to God in the end." (Preface, ix)
I think our primal brain seeks approval and to be part of the tribe for safety and perpetuation. So there in lies a desire to behave a certain way or act out a certain script. Even as a child, though, I remember feeling as though my questions were not being fully answered by "authority". As supposed "leaders" cropped up in circles of friends, I never considered them any different than the rest. I enjoyed being alone and seeing the world uniquely. BUT it did make things extra difficult through highschool and college when I started to really rebel and tire of doing the same old dance. The last 3 years really exhibited this inner child of mine and I was excited that others, too, may find their's- the one who asks "why?". I think a lot of people just rode the ride and pretended to not be thrashed by the glaring truths they had seen. I do feel more secure in my bones and in my heart, and as a mother. And I truly am grateful for the opportunity to completely let go of needing reciprocation from others for the life that I choose. I think that speaks to the funky place we are in. In a world that is quickly advancing to a transhumanist experience, some of us are stepping as far back as we can into the life of the past. You have to be secure in the choice to do so, because as you mentioned, while others are sipping sips in Hawaii on the beach, we are out with a shovel in a goat stall. I also think there are a lot of people searching for conclusive answers, which I kind of understand, but I think its best served, like you said, to acknowledge the inner story. I am a perpetual student/child/explorer. I love learning by watching the spider weave. By reading and observing. I don't really Need to who landed on the moon or to spend my time proving the curvature of the earth or whether the last 3 years was a bioweapon etc. But maybe that brings someone joy! For me it's walking back into the paradigm of our prefabricated perceptions. This essay spoke to me and the ability I enjoy to keep my children home instead of sending them to a school. I have chosen to disregard the parameters of learning that I was confined to, completely. It feels a bit uncharted as I deliberately do not schedule school in or care how they compare in any regard to the structures of an organized school. The most valuable thing I can offer my boys is the understanding and maintaining of sovereignty. They are still young and inately respect the divinity of this vast place, but I think with this foundation of love in our home and simply honoring their capabilities, I believe we are all well equipped to discover exactly what we are meant to. Thank you Tara. I absolutely loved this essay!
Thank you for your wonderful words and making this space even better with your contribution. Your boys are so lucky that you've taken this approach. I agree that sovereignty is one of the most precious things we can teach our children. I see that in my daughter's now - their free thinking minds and their absolute, authentic confidence to craft lives of meaning. Such an incredible gift to give your little humans.
Speaking of authority figures not answering questions - I was recently at a family gathering where a 7 year old asked her parents/grandparents why she was supposed to be angry at a certain past president and all adult targets of that inquiry just laughed and said something like "oh, that's a lot to get into!".
My whole body cringed. What a way to perpetuate this idea that we should just do what our 'elders' do/say/believe. It's so pervasive in our society. Yuck yuck yuck.
Exactly. I truly learn so much from my children. It's amazing to watch such pure little things, without all the layers of.... well everything we are talking about 😂
So interesting and so hard to see what is what! I have dipped in and out of “the course in miracles” since my teen years and recently it has come up again. I have now been sent the articles about it being a “dangerous cult” and what I understand about the course message is that it is “mind training” so....sounds a little cultish. But, I’d rather come to my own conclusions, not base what I do on the opinions of others. If the course is telling me that nothing is real....well it is certainly challenging everything I’ve been taught my whole life!
Rachel, this reminds me of a comment someone very close to me said when I was a little girl. I was in the forest on a walk and I hugged a tree and said, "I can feel God when I hug trees." The woman said, "What are you, a "naturalist" that thinks God is in trees? God isn't in trees!" I was so ashamed. I felt like I sinned or believed something blasphemous (we were Catholic). It took me years to find God in the trees again. I won't let anyone sway what I know in my heart. Where you find beauty and peace and connection, there is God. xo
If God wasn’t in the trees why would we have such an irresistible urge to hug them and feel so good, calm, secure and small amongst them?
Thank you Tara! As always your profound message finds me just as I need to hear it. I wish there were a way for all of us here to come together and talk like this in person.
I like it when that happens :)
That would be nice. I imagine one day doing a book tour with my book and finding my way to outdoor fires with small groups of people here where we get to talk and laugh and cry. The stuff my fantasies are made of. :)
Tara, this essay! I love it so much. So much of what you said resonates with me and my life.
Thank you, Noreen. I'm so glad to hear it. I suppose it's just the inevitable human condition for those of us not willing to just trudge along unquestioning what is. :)
Have you read Sapiens? It's all a cultural construct. "Biology enables, culture contrains." Sounds like that might resonate with you. :) xo
Yuval Harari is a champion of the WEF elite. He believes humans are without soul and will be nothing more than a machine. He’s a scary human being. I still rue the day I bought that book in error.
Oh my! Well, as they used to say in the Al-anon years of my youth, ‘take what you like and leave the rest!’